Phoenix from the flames.......

A poem about my own personal struggle after I turned my world upside when I broke the heart of the girl I loved/love ,my family , friends by being dishonest. The lesson is being learned.

My first poem to be published.



I am a phoenix from the flames.
I'll use my angst, forget the blame.
I'll work so hard to turn it round.
To walk once more on solid ground.
The dark i'll turn into the light.
The pain i'll fight with all my might.
With lesson learned.
The Past i'll burn.
And prove my worth to you.

The love ive lost is teaching me.
To be honest openly.
The heartbreak i will slowly mend.
And one day I'll turn the bend.
I know am not a man so bad.
My heart is right I just went mad.
And lost my way a bit.

To face the judgement I must now.
To those on high I must bow.
Forgiveness now is what I seek.
I will be strong but also meek.
Then one day not far away.
I will live again.....
I will laugh again.....
I will love again......

Author's Note

***News Update on this poem.**
This poem is set to be published OCT2012 in the Miracle E zine and Magazine I also will have a short bio and interview along with it.Its my first piece of writing to be published.

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear John

Thank you for your recent review of one of my pieces.

Not just by way of return, but also by looking at your profile and then at the title of this poem, I noted the sense of regret at how at one point your life went wrong. As I identify with that so strongly, I wanted to review this poem.

First off many congratulations on your writing successes and in getting published. Having read this it surprises me little.

I have a tendency to review long, looking at the nuts and bolts of the writing but I always giver the writer at least from the perspective of one of their reviewers a notion of the impact the poem has had on me.

My review.

1) Structure, rhyme and rhythm: Three stanzas, the first of nine lines, the second of seven and the last of eight.

As for rhyme, you mostly do rhyming couplets, but at times you break the pattern if only because the stanzas have odd numbers rather than even. I like the way you rhyme here. It is very effective in my personal opinion and it adds eloquence to the writing.

In the rhythm of the poem, there is a an endearing melodic beat.

2) Punctuation: I personally like consistency here. Either fully punctuate or don't at all. You do the former, so it works for me.

3) Use of English / mode of self expression: You keep it simple. I feel it suits the meaning of the piece and your elegant structure.

4) Imagery / allusion / metaphor: There is only one that is key here, which is of course even the title of the poem 'Phoenix from the flames'.

It is a good marker to support the words in the poem.

I have a similar poem on here, which actually addresses the same notion even to the point of using an image at the top of the piece much like your own.

5) Meaning: The meaning at least generically is not difficult to find in the title and the words. The addition of the quote at the top of the poem makes the reader aware what its specific meaning is to you. I need not repeat your own words here.

6) Impact and favourite lines: This poem has had a huge impact on me - that in its generic rather than specific.

A poem or any piece of writing is actually an intimate conversation between the writer and one reader at a time, the one holding the book in their hands or viewing it on screen.

Whilst we may believe we have an audience, and of course we do in a way, but it is really down in the end to the life experience of the writer compared to the single reader that determines the extent of the impact.

I can only believe that in its generic, most readers will have a similar reaction to mine, but perhaps weaker or stronger depending on what they have lived in terms of mistakes made from which we all desire to recover.

In the specifics of my case, I was relatively successful in life until the age of 45 when I had a nervous breakdown.

But even beforehand I had challenges, which I had to live through, not the least my first divorce where it took me a year to 'rise above' though I am still marked by it to this.

Following the nervous breakdown, I was diagnosed as bipolar and lost so many things none of us could really ever imagine.

I wish to rise from the ashes every day, but still life holds me back, through continuing illness. Yet the appetite for healing change remains to this day.

Favourite lines. I have a major problem here when the poem I am addressing is as accomplished as yours, which is that if I am not careful I will simply quote back to the writer the whole poem.

Let me limit myself to two lifts that affect me most.

I'll work so hard to turn it round.
To walk once more on solid ground.
The dark i'll turn into the light.
The pain i'll fight with all my might.

The perfect recognition of the fault and the demand to get over it. The fighter. No victim. A survivor. The rhyming couplets emphasise your point.

The heartbreak i will slowly mend.
And one day I'll turn the bend.
I know am not a man so bad.
My heart is right I just went mad.

Again the demand to turn it round. More there is a sense of self-forgiveness, which I have yet to find. It is a win win for you in the end if you get there. My personal position is much harder for me to determine. But I know I need to get there in the end as do you.

7) Overview: An accomplished and moving poem. Bravo!

I hope you find this review helpful. It is the job of the reviewer to help and not hinder the writer.

With my warmest regards


James Hanna-Magill

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Nice !! The best thing about this poem is its pace... It rises and falls and rises again from the ashes ... Just like a phoenix ...

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

A bit like the Dark Knight! :)

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Haha !!! EPIC ;)

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Congo for getting published !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bertie]

A painful and raw confession...You have done what many people are scared of doing, admitting that mistakes have been made and that you want to be forgiven...I think you have been very brave writing this, some people may think that perhaps there are elements of this poem that are over simplistic, but I think the blantentness of the words is part of the effect you were going for; it makes it very humble and avoids pretension...well done x

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Top review and very well interpreted. :)

[The Random Writings Of ..]

John,
You are stronger now than you were two months ago, and this piece just shows a stepping stone on your new journey. You have opened up to me, and I strongly believe that your heart is bigger than your think. You will mend, and you will grow. And when you face your judgement, you will do so with your head held high. Because inside of you is a man that is full of fight, and power. Never forget that. This is very inspirational, and I have every confidence in you that you will live, love and laugh again.
Kates
xoxo

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

There is nothing random about your writings Kate. Your heartfelt sincerity is a gift to many on here and your beauty is an inspiration to me. Truly.

[The Random Writings Of Me..Kates]

Thank you :) (blushing), and your kindness is why I know you will succeed, you are one of a kind John! Don't forget that!

[Barbara Walker]

I like the rhyme scheme in this piece and it all flows well. You put all you are feeling into words people can relate to, that show strength. There is no pity for self, but straight up lessons learned and willingness to change. Strong piece. Enjoyed it very much.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Am still in the flames....but I am emerging. This poem is my ambition.

[realmwriter]

To me the last three lines though they do not rhyme they are also not forced. Though I am one who tries to end with a rhyme, doesn't mean all have to. THis is a well written piece.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Thank you . Yes i dont think you have to stick to "rules" with poetry....no one should dictate to the spiritual essence that creates.

[quinfinn]

just dropped by to see what all the frenzy is about...now i see, you have constructed a wonderfully introspective take on lost love and self reliance
and i salute you for finding all the right ways to speak your heart and mind.
kudos for an excellent write!

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

this poem is the pretty much the core of my life right now...my kudos....my creed

[quinfinn]

that's the right attitude, in my humble opinion. i had some of the same issues recently...found my center, moved on and now...life is great!

[sierrasparks91]

this poem is well written and its beautiful several people know how your feelings when they broke the heart of the one the love, i can relate to this poem and i am sure everyone else can congrats on writing a lovely poem.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Thank you so very much for your review :)

[sierrasparks91]

your very welcome keep up the work

[lothlorienwriter]

John i think you should add to this poem because your phoenix has certainly grown from the flames in recent times.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

I dont think I will add to this poem.I will do a follow up though called Phoenix in flight.......when the time is right. Am still in the flames at mo.