Chapter 1 (First draft)

"Wake the f**k up, Kalder" he says as he drives the poker into my ribs, I feel the white hot steel sear my flesh, my blood boiling and fizzling in the heat. 

I thrash against my restraints in a futile effort to escape, the torturer chuckles at my display and leans on the poker pushing it further into my rib cage "You deserve every second of it you f****n' traitor" he says, spitting a thick string of mucus and saliva into my face. 

 

My mind drifts on how I found myself in this dungeon being tortured by a man who enjoys his job far too much, I guess pain makes me nostalgic. 

I was born a casteless, a street urchin destined to die young and alone, left to rot in some back alley, food for the rats being my only purpose. Until I met Harrison, he found me rotting in a Kalako dungeon, well more like I found him, I didn't have a name back then, he was the first person to speak to me like a thinking creature and not like some diseased mutt he encountered in the street. 

Page Break 

 

Chapter 1 

Kalako City dungeon  

 
The smell of rot and decay fills the air as they toss me into a cell, I collapse onto the damp stone floor "Filthy fucking casteless thief's and murderers all of 'em" one if the guards mutter as he slams the iron cell door shut. I stand up and approach the tall cell bars and stare at the guard on watch, he leans against the wall half asleep "P-please sir, let me out" I whimper, in my best-frightened child voice, he comes out of his trance and sneers before smashing the bars in front of him "shut the hell up vermin before I decide to do the world a favor and rid you of it" he snarls at me before returning to position, leaning half asleep against the wall. I sigh and slump against the cell wall and slide down to the floor, I look around the dark cell block, the grimy his bed covered in filth and the floor coated with damp straw "Hehe you'll get no sympathy from them kid" I hear a gruff, haggard voice chuckle from the cell next to me. I tilt my head to see the source of the voice, a pale, muscular man in dirty rags sits against the far wall of the next cell his face concealed by shadows, his arms and legs a cross hatch of scar tissue and burn marks "So what are you in for kid? Must have been something terrible" he asks in a sarcastic tone. 

 
I roll my eyes "Oh me, I killed 30 guardsmen with an apple" the man chuckles again and sits forward, I could now see his face clearly, he had three long claw marks going down over his eye, a missing chunk of lips left a few of his sharp, yellowing teeth exposed, his eyes were deep grey with a gaze as steely at the bars that separated us "Ah a sense of humor, not too common in casteless" his thick grey mustache bounced on his lip as he spoke "So what did you actually do?" His voice taking on a slightly more serious tone, I let my head rest on the moss coated wall behind me "Got caught picking the pocket of some rich noble arsewipe" I say staring at the cracked stone ceiling "Got to eat, either steal the gold or try your luck at catching a rat." 

I mutter, while turning to face the man "So what are you in for old man?" I ask with faint curiosity, the man chuckles again and pulls his sleeve to reveal a small tattoo depicting a demonic skull crossed by spears "Gatekeeper kid, APPARENTLY WE SET FIRE TO THE LOCAL TEMPLE" he yells towards the guard "We catch the blame when anything goes wrong, dead sheep, lost crops, f*****g flooding, it's always our fault somehow" he mutters. 

A sudden smash as the guard strikes the cell bars silences the man "Shut the hell up freaks, I don't want to listen to any more of your bull-" the guard is interrupted by a door slamming open, a bright shard of daylight slicing into the dark room, the  sound of footsteps and chinking armor fill the now silent room, a short pot-bellied man in a bright red and black tunic and white ruff round's the corner followed by two tall, stockly built men in blue and yellow plate armour, the short man turned towards the cell guard "Stop lazing around and open the keepers cell, we need to question him" the man barks at the the jailer "Yes commandant" he nervously splutters while fiddling with the large ring of keys from his belt, after a few failed attempts the cell door swings open with a shrill squeak, the men moved with the grace and efficiency of well-trained soldiers lifting the man up and quickly dragging him from the cells dark corner. 

The Commandant began walking towards a small wooden door tucked away beneath the stairs, he stopped beside the door and stood tapping his foot expectantly, after a few second the jailer quickly rushes over unlocking the door with a slight look of embarrassment on his face "my apologies commandant" he says before swinging the door open, I catch a glimpse of the murky room, a large, rusted metal chair bolted the floor with leather restraints over the arm rests, my attention was drawn to the small tray of metal instruments glinting in the dim torch light, the guards dragged the tattooed man into the room, the commandant following quickly behind them.

Reviews

[CK_85]

I like it. Well, at least I think I do. My number one complaint is the censoring of swear words. Writing is an art, and all art should be expressed how the author originally intended it to be expressed. I think this quote explains it quite well: "Self-censorship is a lie to yourself; if you are going to be trying to seriously create art, to create literary art, and you decide to hold back, to censor yourself, then you are a fool to yourself and it would be better that you kept your mouth shut and did not speak." -Salman Rushdie

For the intro, it is very abrupt. Though, with such circumstances that the story possess, your ability to wield such a powerful, slippery tool is great. For the dialogue, it really demonstrates the pecking order of those who inhabit the dungeon, either by force or by will. Overall, the story is good.

[John]

Hello and thank you for the review, i'm not sure what you mean by the censoring of swear words as they all appear fine when i view it.

[CK_85]

Sorry, it censored it out for me because I entered an age that was under 18. xD