Santa Corp.

An official statement from the SANTA Corp.

Santa Corp: An Official Statement

 

It is a common misunderstanding across the world that S.A.N.T.A is in fact a person which inevitably leads to unnecessarily traumatic parent-offspring revelations that Santa is ‘not real’. This is inaccurate rumour and it is the purpose of this statement to address this disturbingly prevalent error and raise awareness of the actual work that SANTA Corp. carries out.

 

The Supersonic All-area Night-time Treat Allocation delivery system (S.A.N.T.A for short) has been functioning successfully from its single operational centre at the East Lapland Factory (E.L.F) for over 2,000 years. In that time things have certainly changed a great deal but here at SANTA Corp. we have gone from strength to strength and our global service is unsurpassed.

Like any successful business, SANTA Corp. has become more streamlined, embracing cutting edge technology and working with various partnership agencies such as NORAD, NASA and Interpol (the latter being critical for maintaining an up-to-date ‘Naughty or Nice’ database). Despite the challenges of the demands from the modern child, the S.A.N.T.A delivery team is proud to say it has continued to offer exceptional, uninterrupted service - often in the face of exceedingly difficult and dangerous circumstances (extreme chimney Bungee-jumping is not only a favourite sport at E.L.F but an invaluable training experience).

‘Operation Bauble’ runs throughout the month of December and is, arguably the most important activity carried out by S.A.N.T.A, requiring meticulous planning to ensure perfect timing. One thing of vital importance is a thorough knowledge and understanding of world-wide flight paths. Naturally, these can be very hazardous for the SLH delivery teams (sometimes known as ‘Santa’s Little Helpers’) and lead to the development of, and requires strict adherence to, the ‘Rudolph Protocol’.

At this busy time of year, SANTA Corp. does employ temporary staff to facilitate face-to-face interaction with our clients. These staff members can be recognised by their distinctive red and white uniform and can be found in such places as Christmas parties and shopping malls. While they are happy to register your present requests it should be noted that they are not official SLH operatives and their remit is purely that of a P.R. role. SANTA Corp. cannot accept responsibility for any views expressed by these token ‘Santas’ or guarantee to deliver on any unauthorised promises they may make.

It is highly unlikely that you will ever see a true SLH due to the rigorous training they receive. They are skilled at knowing when you are sleeping and knowing when you are awake so any attempt to try and spot one will only result in a disruption to the service. In the worst case scenario it may even result in delivery attempts to your location being aborted entirely. We therefore strongly advise you against such attempts for your own benefit as well as that of other S.A.N.T.A delivery service users.

We at SANTA Corp. hope that this has cleared up any confusion over the purpose of our organisation, and would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very merry Christmas.

 

Mr Nickolas Claus

Director of SANTA Corp.

 

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

Ok I love this. It's clever without being too ooey gooey- great for the season and it has that CORP speak tone to it. Really nice read.

[ANTO]

Im really sorry I missed this one Johari - its brilliant !!
100/100
Happy New Year !

[Johari]

Thank you folks, merry Christmas. x

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A cheery little story that made me chuckle on Christmas day. Happy Christmas Mr Claus!

[Matching Socks]

Haha! I love it! What a great story!
Perfect!

Merry Christmas!