Tombstone

She was a garden while I was nothing but a graveyard. It was foolish of me to take residence upon her presence, making myself at home while draining every inch of life from her roots. I set a tombstone of false promises within and called it home. She didn’t oppose, she continued to blossom but she was fully aware of the risk. The risk of damaging her seeds, damaging her petals, sepals, stamens, and carpel. And there I was, a constant cloud of rain, flooding her home, overwatering her progression. Did she oppose? Did she falter? On the inside perhaps, but on the outside she kept a false smile just so I can smile. I caused nothing but pain and she continued to show a false emotion of joy while growing weaker by the second. She was dying, she was becoming a visitor of my home rather than I becoming a visitor of hers. I had to leave but I continued to force myself to stay, she could have been a plantation, a sight to behold but I ruined her... and I made her watch. I had to leave, and eventually I did. I know she’s growing without me, I know she’s more beautiful than ever. I miss her more than ever, I want her more than ever. She was so full of life and I came in with a swift scent of death and pain. I wish I realized this sooner, A mortal man who has no faith prays that’ll he’ll be allowed in once again. But I’ll probably never be allowed to enter her garden. I wanted to be saved and she was the savior, but I couldn’t bury my bad habits, I couldn’t put my demons to rest. Instead, I let them roam free in her garden. I need her more than ever, I’m at the brink of insanity, but the gate is locked, no visitors allowed. She knows I’ll never learn, she knows I’ll never change, she knows I never tried. I never experienced “Love” but it’s an honor to experience pain. No apology can fathom the guilt I feel or repair the damage I’ve done. But I am sorry... I’m sorry I didn’t realize what I was blessed with until it was taken away. I’ve become isolated, I always was even before the pandemic. It’s just me myself and I, unfortunately my mind has wondered off. Just a mere zombie in his graveyard. Not a second goes by where I don’t think about how much life you truly gave me and now someone else gets to experience it. I’m happy for them, it’s a one in a lifetime feeling. I won’t interfere with it I just want to see your face, hear your voice, reality overpowers imagination. Unfortunately that’s the only world that allows me to enter your presence. I miss you..... if Mother Earth allows me to enter your reality after the damage I’ve done, I promise to rebuild what I destroyed.