Falling

This poem is a bit more intense. TRIGGER WARNING

She wears a smile

All the while

Hides the frown

While she drowns

She sits to pick out every flaw

Tears herself down with a saw

When she can no longer hide her sorrow

And fears there's nothing for tomorrow

She feels the wind blow against her skin

And thinks of all that she has been

No lover, and still this makes more sense

Everyone around her was so dense

She feels the wind blow through her hair

And the cold relentless lash of the air

"Wake up. It's time for school," she hears her mother say

Safe and sound in her bed getting up for another day

Author's Note

I was 14 when I wrote this one as well, but it is one of my favorites. Tell me what you guys think of the plot twist. Feel free to write a review if you enjoyed and if you have any constructive criticism.

Reviews

[kitty blur]

I got a nice image in my mind while I read this, and a clear mood, too. The rhythm throughout was very nicely done, and I enjoyed how the amount of syllables in each line escalated with each stanza. It made the poem as a whole look aesthetically pleasing, at least to me. It looks like a flight of stairs going downward. This is kind of out there, but when I looked at it again, the poem kind of starts dream-like at the top and slowly slides down into reality (waking up) at the end. Whether or not that was on purpose doesn't matter. I just really over-analyzed that whole thing, but I liked the progression your poem had.

For you having written this a couple years ago, I'm not sure how to critique it seeing as changing it now doesn't really help your current self. Maybe I'll read more of your things that you wrote more recently?

Overall, nice poem with a good direction.

[Coyote Poetry]

Many people struggle till they learn. To like what we see in the mirror.
"She sits to pick out every flaw
Tears herself down with a saw
When she can no longer hide her sorrow
And fears there's nothing for tomorrow"
The above lines are true for many. Seeing weakness, not their strength. Thank you Stephe for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[William Liston]

The plot in this poem really interested me. I'd give an in-depth critique, but once again, you were 14 when you wrote this, so I'll just leave it like it is.

-William Liston
(By the way, I wouldn't rate this as "mature")