The Reflection

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon when I woke up from a knock on my bedroom door. It was my dad waking me up for lunch. Lying in bed waiting for nothing, just staring at the ceiling daydreaming about a life I would never have nor have the courage to make, not even a slight resemblance of it.

I arose from bed, put on my pink fluffy robe. Yes, pink and fluffy, and made my way to the kitchen, where my dad and sister awaited me. I sat on my chair listening to my sister jabbering about cats and watching my dad pretending to pay attention.

Halfway through, my dad turned towards me and asked, “Are you going for a cruise with your friend later”? “No”, I answered. A simple answer, I didn't feel like explaining anything to him. It’s not that I did not want him to know why, it’s because I didn't want his opinion if he did.

Sitting in silence, checking my phone every few seconds knowing it’s not going to ring, their voices in the back of my head, covered by a void I still have yet apprehended.

Minutes later, the chaos was replaced by a repetitive word, my name. Barely moving my head, I looked at my dad trying to concentrate on what he was saying. He asked if I felt like going for a ride with them, I immediately accepted. One of the very few things I enjoy in my pathetic, boring life is car rides.

I swallowed my food, like drinking cold water from a glass cup on a hot August day, after walking in the desert for hours, with nothing but sand in sight.

I rushed back to my room, took off my pajamas, throwing my clothes in the air searching for my purple pants. For a second, I caught my reflection in the mirror behind me. I stopped, turned around and stared at myself. I observed my hair, I haven’t washed it in days, and it was tied up in a messy bun. Frozen like a statue, my reflection moved, it came one step closer, my eyes widened with fear, I tried moving back but my feet wouldn't budge. It looked right back at me, neither with fear nor sadness, not with a cry for help nor desperation, and definitely not with relief nor satisfaction. Its eyes were filled with anger, so much anger and pain.

Water filled my eyes, my lips parted, my face went pale, yet my reflection stayed the same. Angry eyes, frowned face, lips closed tight, hands clutched, toes curled, the intense anger from the body shook me to the bone.

I slowly took my hand and touched the mirror softly with my fingertips, the reflection suddenly banged its hands on the glass, its face looked like a wolf ready to attack, ready to kill, and ready to eat.

As tear drops fell, my lips shivered, I managed to ask, “What do you want”? Another bang, a scream, or maybe it was a cry. Who wouldn't cry when stuck in a mirror? “I’m sorry” I said.

Shaking, I moved quickly, put on whatever was in front of me, forgetting all about the purple pants, and ran to the car, like something was coming after me, or like I've witnessed a murder, or seen a ghost. Maybe someone was after me; maybe it was the murderer, leaving the body of the ghost behind, running towards the car, abandoning its own reflection in the glass mirror.

Its hands pressed on the glass, a miserable moan, its eyes were now full of fear. It was wearing nothing but underpants, it was cold, the bun came undone, and its eyes shut from the pain as the greasy hair whipped its back. The reflection, now empty, stood straight, its hands slid slowly leaving their prints on the glass. It turned around, all was white.

Moving at a regular pace by lifting and setting down each foot in turn, never having both feet off the ground at once, moving into oblivion.

Seconds seemed like hours, minutes seemed like days, it felt like forever till a yellowish light pierced its eyes. Now moving at a faster pace, it was stuck in the mirror of the outer world. Sunlight dripped like small drops of heaven, the sky was crystal blue, and the road was warm as its bare feet strolled along.

People going about their lives, some were driving with their eyes fixed on the road, others were arguing on the phone oblivious to their surroundings. Humans came and went like robots, ignoring reality, going round and round, passing over the sunlight, the soft breeze, the brush of the trees, the singing of the birds…

But some had life, somewhere not so far away, a cute laughter penetrated the air, chaos came about, car horns, loud voices, but the laughter was louder than all of those robotic sounds.

Following it, like wolves following their pack leader. Soft pace turned to running, its chest tightened wheezing for some air, head pounding, heart racing, feet bleeding, then a sudden bang and a fall.

The reflection hit the glass and fell; it picked itself up again, pressed its hands on the glass and found the laughter. He was tall, wearing a black winter cap, ray ban sunglasses, red t-shirt under a black leather jacket, short waist jeans, with a black and white converse.

It was dumbfounded at the sight that met its eyes, the outline of his face, his cheek bones, his soft beard, his broad shoulders, his masculine yet slim body, and his smile. His smile, that’s what astounded it the most.

It tried to find a way to the other side, it was desperate, and for the first time in a long time, it was trying to get out, to be on the other side of life. Fear set in, tears formed, pounding on the glass, it tried to scream, to say something, trying to be heard, nothing came out but low gibberish. It applied pressure to the glass hoping it would break, but to no avail. It stood in silence, not a sound but its heavy breathing.

It contemplated his movements, the way his left hand was in his pants pocket, his right hand holding a canned drink, the mellow gestures of his body, his smile, and his luscious lips.

It closed its eyes for a moment, imagining itself as a girl, in a baby blue dress, her long brownish blonde hair blowing softly by the autumn breeze, laughing innocently with him, as he removes his left hand from his pocket and pulls her gently towards him, kissing her softly on her lips. She closes her eyes as she grabs his jacket and pulls him gently towards her, their lips parted, their tongues touched, and their bodies quivered with passion.

The moment passed, the reflection opened its eyes, he was gone, and so was everything else. She was staring back at the pathetic crying girl. It banged the glass with anger and screamed. 

Author's Note

My therapist suggested I start writing whatever it is I'm feeling. This is my first "essay", I've never written anything before that. Hope you enjoy it and will be waiting for your reviews. Thank you.