She has a lot more free time now. She spends her days at school and work, but her nights are spent alone. The last few weeks have been a blur to her. Tonight, she sits in her front room lost in thoughts. The fog of depression that has filled her head has been slowing lifting. She is on her second glass of wine. She’s not usually a drinker, but some nights, she just needs a little wine. This night is no different from any that have past in the last three weeks. Except this night she is thinking clearer than she has in weeks. Her heart is still broken, but she is finally taking steps to put it back together, but not tonight. Tonight, she is looking back. She is going though the memories to try and make sense of it all. He was someone she had known for years. He was a friend, a confidant, her support, a shoulder to cry on, and so much more. If you would have told her six months ago that she would be crying over him, she wouldn’t have believed you. Then again, six months ago, he was married.
It was nearing midnight, but she was still up. She had two papers due and she was rushing to get them finished. An instant message popped up on her screen and pulled her attention from her homework. It was him. An old friend she hadn’t talked to in months.
Boy: Hey, Long time no talk.
Girl: Oh my. How are you?
Boy: I’ve been a lot better. I’m getting divorced.
Girl: I’m sorry. Are you doing ok? Anything I can do to help you?
Boy: I’m just taking a lot of time to think. I’ve been spending a lot of time looking back on the last few years. That’s actually why I got on AIM. I know that in the past, things between us haven’t been the greatest. I wanted to apologize for anything I’ve done in the past that has hurt you.
Girl: wow. Don’t worry about it, I forgave and forgot a long time ago.
Boy: I still wanted to tell you.
Girl: thanks. So, anything I can do to help you? I’m sure you know, but me and David broke up. So, I kind of know what it’s like to end a long relationship. Divorce is a whole different ball game, but I can try.
Boy: You know… how about we go see a movie.
Girl: now? Its midnight…? Haha.
Boy: no… tomorrow? I need to get out of this house.
Girl: ok.
They went and saw a movie the next night and started to build back the friendship that had slipped away from them months earlier. She helped him hold his head up through the divorce.
She finished her glass of wine and looked over at her dog curled up next to her on the couch. It’s almost like her dog could sense her mood that that night. She knew that her master was sad, so she wasn’t leaving her side.
She got up, followed closely by the dog, and walked to the kitchen. She put her glass in the sink and smiled at the hand soap, a gift from him. He used the same one at his house, so the scent always reminded her of him. She pushed some of it into her palm and lathered up. She closed her eyes and let the smell take her back again.
They were lying in her bed watching a movie. He came over as a friend. Yet, she had butterflies in her stomach and she didn’t understand them. She wanted to cuddle up next to him. She wanted to feel his arms around her. But, he was an old friend, not a love interest… right?
The heater kicked on again. The change in air sent a shiver down her spin. He looked at her with amusement in his eyes. “Are you actually cold?” Her eyes were the only thing visible from under the covers. “Maybe.” Her response was muffled. “Get over here brat.” He had laughter in his voice. He pulled her close to him and wrapped an arm around her. His scent surrounded her. She settled in to watch the rest of the movie engulfed in his warmth.
In the beginning, it seemed so perfect, so wonderful, so lasting. Once she came to terms with her feelings for him, he filled her thoughts.
She washes the soap off and walks back to the couch. She pulls her dog close to her and runs her fingers through her fur. As she sits here tonight, thinking about him once again, she laughs at how fast she fell for him. Was it his charm…? No… she smiles, it was his heart. He filled her with such warmth.
It was Christmas Day, but she couldn’t think of anyone else she wanted to be with more than him. Those butterflies were back again as they climbed the stairs to his room. She still did not know what it was that was between them but it had electricity. He put in a movie and crawled into his bed with her. Before she could fully inhale his scent, he reached over and pulled her close to him. She was again, consumed by his warmth.
Two movies later, her thoughts were racing. He had been holding her so closely through the movies, but he still hadn’t kissed her. Was she reading his signs right? Why hadn’t he tried to kiss her yet? It was like torture.
The clock clicked past one am as he put in the third movie. He settled back into the bed with her. Please kiss me, she thought. This waiting was driving her crazy. As if he sensed her thoughts, he locked eyes with her. For what seemed like eternity, they just stared into each others’ eyes. Finally, he closed the small gap between their lips. At that moment, every nerve in her body exploded. That kiss led to many more, and soon, the movie was forgotten. She giggled and looked into his eyes. “This is the best Christmas gift yet.” He smiled back at her and kissed her again.
Those first weeks were a whirlwind of emotion. She spent every free second with him. Looking back, it was all a little crazy. They had been friends for four years prior to this. He had just gotten divorced a few months earlier and she had just ended a three year relationship. Maybe they rushed it. Maybe it was just too soon for them. But it just felt so right.
It had only been two weeks since they first kissed, but she knew she was ready. His kisses and touches were driving her crazy. She knew she couldn’t wait any longer. They were lying in his bed, limbs entangled. His fingers were tracing her spin… up and down… in circles. He was shooting tingles all over her body. “Make love to me.” She whispered in his ear. “Are you sure.” He whispered back. She answered him with a kiss that she poured her soul into. That night, he took her to heights that she had never dreamed of before.
Maybe it was crazy, but their relationship blossomed quickly. She had only had disappointments in the past. Men that not only broke her heart, but dragged it through the dirt. This man had stepped in and opened up doors for her. He took her out and made her feel so wonderful. He took her to movies, to dinner, and out with friends. She thinks of all the things they did as she lies down on the couch. She puts her head on the pillow next to the dog. Her dog licks her chin a few times and lifts a leg for a good scratch. She can’t resist the puppy eyes and scratches her dog. She is still completely lost in her memories. She laughs out loud as she remembers the night he took her to a full blown “chick flick.”
She had just gotten to his house and given his oldest daughter a big hug. He was standing in living room all dressed to go out. “Going somewhere?” she asked jokingly. She was expecting a quiet night watching TV. “Yeah, we are going to see P.S. I Love You. My mom’s gonna watch the kids.” Her eyes lit up. She had told him earlier that week how much she wanted to see that movie. “Are you serious?! You’re willing to see that movie with me!” She gave him a peck on the cheek and smiled brightly up at him.
She bawled through the whole movie. It was a “chick flick” to the max. He spent most of the night giggling at her. “Hush, I’m such as sap, so deal with it.” But she was in high spirits. She loved the movie. He took her to a late dinner at Applebee’s after the movie. She couldn’t stop looking at him. How did I get so lucky to get such a wonderful boyfriend? She beamed at him over the dinner table.
She had never been this happy before.
It all seems so bitter sweet to her now. She would never trade those nights with him for anything in this world, but her memories were now tainted with heartache. It all crashed down so quickly. She closes her eyes and lets her thoughts leave the happy times. Her thoughts drift to the night it all turned south.
It was a Friday night. She was sitting at her house waiting for his phone call. It finally came. “I told her.” He was talking about his ex-wife and mother of his two little girls. “And…? How did it go?” She was scared. She had, at one time, been friends with his ex-wife. It was a rocky friendship, to say the least. “She’s really upset. She doesn’t want you around the girls. I don’t think she is going to change her mind about this. She said she will use it in court against me.” She felt him slipping away from her. She fought back the tears. “We will work this out. It’s our relationship, not hers.” She was trying to remain hopeful, but inside, she was falling apart. He was still in a custody battle with his ex-wife, and this could have had serious effects in court. He didn’t sound hopeful at all. In fact, he sounded like he was giving up.
That was the beginning of the end for them. His ex still held that power over him. As long as she could still take those kids from him, he had to play by her rules. Looking back, her heart breaks all over again. He sill fills much of her thoughts and at night, he steals her dreams. Her heart is tired of hurting. Her eyes are tired of crying. Most of all, she is tired of missing him.
It was Wednesday and she finally got him on the phone after two days of silence. She hadn’t seen him since Friday when he told his ex. The conversation was not a happy one. He was letting her go. He didn’t want her to hurt for him. He told her that the custody battle wasn’t going to be short or pleasant. He said that it would only lead to pain for her. She cried and begged him not to do this. She couldn’t see past losing him. She fought him with everything she had. But, in the end, her heart was broken. He told her that he was doing this because he cared so damn much about her that he wasn’t willing to let her be hurt for him. “You deserve so much more. There is so much that I can’t offer you. You need to find someone who can give you the world. I’m tied to my past. I have made mistakes that are going to haunt me for a long time. You need to find someone who can give you all the things I wish I could.” The tears were flowing freely down her face now. “I don’t want anyone else. I only want you. You can give me what I want and what I need. Please stop this.” His voice was starting to crack too. “I’m sorry Hun. I can’t let you hurt for me. I won’t allow it. I care about you too much. Don’t think that this is easy for me either. The thought of you walking away with someone else breaks my heart too.” It was more than her heart could take. She cried for hours after they hung up. And she cried herself to sleep for weeks.
As she replays their conversations in her head for the hundredth time, she feels new tears spill onto her cheeks. She brushes them away, but more follow their lead. She still misses him. Her heart still longs for him. It’s been weeks since it ended. But it feels like it was yesterday. But now, at least, she can see their relationship for what it was: Stolen Moments. Stolen moments from the pain and chaos that is this world. For a month, they were blissfully happy. For a month, they saw what this life could offer them. Before that month, she doubted that she would ever find love again. Now, though her heart is in pieces, she knows love is possible and she has hope. She thanks God for those stolen moments.
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