A scar to keep

In memory of the lives lost in the Indonesian Hercules C-130 military transport plane crash.

As the burning embers ,

Recede

I dare stand

In the wreckage of that

Colossal beast

Once destined to fly among the clouds,

Now a burning pyre 

For the brave who entered,

This alluring fiend.

All that remains,

Are but charred bones and specks

Of dust

An essence of the once fearless

Now reside in the hearts 

Of those who had lost

More than they

The pain that fills in 

Silences all

For only the memories,sweet,

Can dull the pain,

But can never be sated

For,

' tis a scar to keep

Reviews

[Taylor]

I enjoy the words you used for this piece. However, I feel the divisions of the certain lines:
'All that remains,
Are but charred bones and specks
Of dust'
'In the wreckage of that
Colossal beast'
are more hiccups than good pauses. That is not to say they are all bad:
'The pain that fills in
Silences all'
'Once destined to fly among the clouds,
Now a burning pyre'
are lines I like where the divide makes the following more powerful and vivid in my mind.

I don't know how much this may help or not, but I'd recommend reading it aloud and seeing how they may affect your piece. When I read my own poems aloud, I'll find certain lines and words don't mesh as well together as I thought they did when I read it in my mind. Thank you for sharing.

[Joel Armstrong]

Thank you my friend.and I agree with you with regard to the divisions.I admit I was careless with that.il make sure to bring the necessary changes.I appreciate the time you took to review this.
Thank you : )

[Taylor]

You're welcome. There is never a careless step in the journey of poetry, good sir. Hopefully, my advice helps!

[Joel Armstrong]

Thank you .and yes it has indeed helped: )

[Tomoe Tellez]

I just found this poem of yours and I like the descriptions, they make you picture the scene very well along with the emotions it would bring such a sight. Great job!

[Joel Armstrong]

Thank you : )

[Nightfeather]

A scar to keep, interesting title. A title that will draw one to your poem for my experiences in live, the bad ones are permanent scars in my heart. They started as wounds but ended as scars who may never fully heal. The constant reminders of the past. You have delivered a powerful message.

Good job :D

[Joel Armstrong]

Thank you my friend.

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

Completely dug it. Reminded me of the Hindenberg or World War Two in a way. Fighter pilots, ariel bravery and the like. I don´t know what the object of your focus was but I liked the feeling and the visuals it provided me. Cool!

[Confuser]

Joel: I love the poem, and think, wow you were born to be a poet. It is a scar to keep; I love the poem. It riviting and so sad. I am sorry I am not familiar with the accident, but you forced me to see, easily this tragedy. Please keep writing. You are so talented. Thank you...Dale

[Joel Armstrong]

Thank-you Dale : )

[Confuser]

My pleasure!!

[Isabel25]

I like the title very much.
"An essence of the once fearless
Now reside in the hearts
Of those who had lost
More than they" This stanza significantly struck as it speaks volumes of truth. The person who dies never has to go through the pain that his/her loved ones go through. I love how you have presented this reality so effectively. A brilliant attempt. Very striking :)

[Terry O'Leary]

Good poem, moving elegy... sad imagery!!!

[Pharos]

I'm new to this so if I would review this
I can feel the emotions put into this.
A well written work to be precise, I personally
enjoyed reading it till the end.
and...
Somehow reminds me of a game that
catches my interest.

[Devons]

"An essence of the once fearless
Now recide in the hearts
Of those who had lost
More than they"
This is a stand-out passage. I think it could speak for any such loss in war or in peacetime, and do some justice.
The poem is nicely compact, readable, and expresses itself in a well-balanced way - sentimental and real in equal measure. A fitting tribute to those who lose their lives and to those who are left with the wreckage (in more ways than one).

NB "recide" should be "reside"; and "t'is" should be " 'tis ".

[Joel Armstrong]

Thank you. : )
Il make the corrections. Thanks for pointing them out.

[Rainslover]

Beautifully penned with the thing that makes the reader feel! It makes us feel the amount of disturbance in you! The fight that is in you! The fight you are fighting to overcome the disturbance, to erase the scar from your life and live happily! It's an old scar that keeps being fresh!
Personally, I feel that these scars teach you how to be strong, so that you avoid more scars! It's always a lesson to learn! These scars should ignite the fire in you to fight back! The scar never leaves, but you have learnt what a scar is! You can never forget the pain, but you need to learn to live with it!