Demons of the night

This is a poem that i wrote while i was sitting in the balcony at around 12 in the night . This is the first poem of mine in this genre.Hope you like it.

I sit in the cold, alone, afraid;

For dawn is long gone

And night reigns supreme.

The spirit of hope long dead.

Nightmares follow me wherever I go.

The children of the night ,

Watch over me now,

For even my guardian angels

Remain powerless in this cursed domain.

 

The demons of the night,

beckon me forward

“Come to us. Come with us. Join us .”

I scream,”Go away, leave me alone”;

But the voices remain, and

More join in and the chant continues

“Come to us. Come with us. Join us,

For we are many”;

I look around , searching for a beacon of light

But all I see are,

Red eyes

 They who were many, scurry

Towards me.

Their cold , bony arms hold me down

And they drag me off to the

Blazing pit.

 I see the opening of that accursed pit

Nearing by with every step,

These infernal creatures take.

Hope non-existant, for

T’is a luxury,

for the condemned.

I kick, I scream, I bawl, but

t'is in vain.

“ To the pit, to the pit,

to the pit with you”;

chant, they who were many.

With a final heave ,

They throw me down, into

The blazing pit.

As I fall, I take a final glance,

Of the tranquil night sky,

A reminder ,to abate,

The castigation that awaited me,

In the infernal fire

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Isabel25]

Oooh....I love this...absolutely love it. It is creepy and so full of meaning..the demons of our past dragging us into the pit...this is so vivid and spooky. I ejoyed it very very much..especially the tranquilt moment the narrator has before he goes down.

[Misty_Prophet]

I like this. It's dark and spooky... Especially the part when they are dragging 'you' to the pit. It is really well written. But something in this first part sticks out. Like it's some distant thinking, poetic, and then in the second part, suddenly the demons are already here, dragging you away. Maybe you could build up the tension in the first part by saying something about their approaching footsteps, the smell of sulphur in the air (something like that) to make it better connected to the rest.
Overall, I like it, keep writing :)

[ANTO]

Hi Joel - I thought this was a drak but very exciting piece. Lots of Hellish visuals and dark foreboding. I think the layout could be improved and there are some problems with tenses for example the present tense is used in this "For we are many..." then the past tense here 'they who were many" which conflicts somewhat.
I really really liked this - "As I fall, I take a final glance,
Of the tranquil night sky," - I thought it was very chilling and a glimpse of a master horror/thriller author at work.

[Joel Armstrong]

hi.thanks for the review.glad u liked it.
"for we are many " is a dialogue." "they who were many is what i use to describe the demons.
i didnt get what u meant.by dat.i agree with u on the fact that the layout could be improved.im not too happy with it.il see what i can do.
thanks Anto. : )

[ANTO]

I get it now Joel. my bad. I see you were merely reporting in the present what they had said in the past - it was me who was mixing my tenses xD

[Joel Armstrong]

By the way, thank you for pointing out my mistakes .il make the necessary corrections. Thanks a ton Anto.: )

[Anjana]

Just one word to say ..'salute'!... Hats off bro