Thoughts on a lazy afternoon

Its a poem I wrote during a versification competition held at my school.I got first prize by the way : )).The poem is about the random thoughts that go through your head ,while lazing about.Enjoy

                                                Which came first,

the chicken or the egg?

Quite a thought wouldn’t you say,

To know the truth while I sway.

Surely the egg came first,

 after all, chickens come  from eggs,

don’t they?

Some thought this is, I suppose,

To think about while I sway.

Then again , an egg would surely need,

its mothers heat

To keep it warm all day.

 And to protect it from dangers fray.

A kick here and a scratch there

to keep its enemies at bay.

But of course!!!

A chicken would have to be there

in the first place to lay its egg

and continue its blood line .

Quite a thought wouldn’t you say

To think about while I sway

and let my mind astray

As I linger in my hammock all day.

Oh dear,while I sway

the taps been running all day.

My momma bird’s gonna have a fit

When she finds out how I’ve squandered my day.

Dear God knows what I’ll say .

Oh, I’ll have to think about it

while I may

Quite a thought wouldn’t you say,

 to know the lies I’ll say,

all the while I sway

and let my mind astray

As I linger in my hammock all day,

Good gracious ,while I still may.

 

Author's Note

This is my second attempt at writing a poem.I cant find the first one i wrote.Please forgive me if there are any mistakes that i've made.

Reviews

[h d e rushin]

I think your finding out that poetry writing is a totally different animal than writing prose.
In poetry there's no place to hide but metaphors and likenesses. Story is only going to be
important if that's what you really want. What I mean is that, since there your random thoughts
on a lazy afternoon, those thoughts are only poetic (poem) if they are either believable
or totally unbelievable. Abstract or otherwise.

ANTO spoke of "lazy feel" to this conversational style. I agree..But don't stop here..Keep on
writing. Reading. Writing, then reading. And vise-versa....well done....dana

[Joel Armstrong]

Thanks Dana.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I enjoyed the poem. I am not really good with fixed form poetry. I always write free verse. The only thing I should say is you didn't need that extra come from in that one line. Thanks for the share.

[Joel Armstrong]

Srry about the extra come from. I didn't notice and it is purely a typing error.
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.By the way wishing you a Happy new year.

[Angie Diane♥♥]

Happy New Year!
And it's alright! :)

[Ikaria Icarus]

rough start at
" after all, chickens come from come from eggs,"
the rhyme is there so all in all it was good. ( ^-^)v nice bro

[Joel Armstrong]

srry about the error.I didn't notice.I'll correct it.
Thank you.And by the way wishing you a happy new year

[Ikaria Icarus]

no problem. wish you the same, a joyous new year with wealth and health in your endeavors.

[ANTO]

Hi Joel and thanks for the lovely message - Happy New Year by the way.

The chicken and egg question is as old as philosophy itself (and whatever philospophy was termed before that) and yet you brought a new dimension to it here - a not too serious laid-back perspective filled with awe and that lovely bit of humour injected - this is a good poem - repetition of the "...sway" and "what would you say.." lines gave a lazy feel to it - one could have been in said hammock - so it was well communicated to the reader.
I enjoyed this very much Joel

[Michael Schwob]

I like the message and tone you have. Here are just my thoughts and where you can improve upon:

-Check spacing and commas (ex: "good gracious ,while I still may." should be "good gracious, while I still may.")

-Don't use the same word in the same stanza as means of rhyming (ex: "... all day.... all day.")


Overall, I think you did a great job on this! It's intriguing because the question you ask is completely debatable and everyone has their own opinion. I think it was smart of you to not comment your answer, but leave it as an open-ended question. Well done, Joel!

[Jennifer Shaw]

The egg had to have come first because the chicken evolved from a creature that laid eggs. An egg hatched the first chicken. Lol right? Ha ha. Anyway, this is great! Very entertaining read. Keep it up!

[Ryan Henderson]

Very nice work! Very good rhyming scheme and flow to the writing. I also have found the 'chicken or the egg' question rather tricky, as it has never been confirmed and the answer could be either the chicken or the egg, depending how you look at it. Great work and great speculation! Keep up the good writing :)

[CA Anurag Sharma]

good one... i wish you find your answer :)
Nice work