Life Really Is Too Short: Reflections On Life’s Experiences As Recounted By An Old Man

A Story by Dr Joe

AN old man reflects back on his life.

Life Really Is Too Short: Reflections On Life’s Experiences As Recounted By An Old Man

Phase One: Waiting To Begin Life’s Journey

When I was young; very young; too young to have a voice in my life decisions, I wished away the days till I could write my own story and determine my own destiny.

I had little power, little say, little freedom, and very little independence.

I was subject to curfews, arbitrary household rules, and the whims of almost every adult in my life.

I longed to be a man of my own; to strike out and spread my wings.

These years passed in agonizing slow motion.

Phase Two: A Young Man’s Dreams

At last I became a young man with the world and my whole life before me.

The panorama of possibilities ahead of me seemed endless.

Shall I pursue my ideals and save the world?

Shall I amass a fortune?

Shall I find a way to make an important difference in the world through my actions and still build a viable career along the way?

What religion should I believe in?

Is there even a God?

All vital questions I would have to answer on my life’s journey.

To do so I knew I would have to learn how to prioritize my dreams.

That though could wait till tomorrow.

I had so many years yet to decide.

As these years passed I learned to better fix my goals, to select my friends, to win at love, to lose at love, and to finally win again forever.

I learned how to listen and when to compromise, but never to give up on my principles, values, or dreams.

My loyalty was unwavering when it came to true friends.

I blended my voice with those who spoke out against injustice and was active with causes that were trying to change the world.

Slowly, real life intervened though and my focus began to change.

I found myself, like so many of my peers, actively seeking out those responsibilities in life that force us to rethink many of our ideals.

My thirties, and forties were a blur building a career and raising a family.

I began to gather those possessions and join those clubs that define and enhance your social status in the community.

I still volunteered and donated.

I remained socially aware as well, if now only from a distance.

Even though I tried to put my ideals into action and spend time helping others, there just never seemed to be enough time.

There used to be more than enough time, but not now.

During these times I did do some good to help others but, looking back I also see that I did not do nearly as much to help as I could have done.

Still, I told myself that my efforts were not too bad for a man moving up in the world.

Like so many others I lived through those years without truly appreciating them.

There were things to do, places to go, people to meet, milestones to achieve, and so much to yet experience.

If asked, I would have said I was happy.

What I was though was determined and intent on establishing who I was and what I could accomplish in the world.

I worked hard to surround myself with the entrapments of life that slowly erode and take away your soul.

Being a young man I had the stamina to do it all.

Health was more of an abstract concept than a state of existence in those days.

Phase Three: Those In Between Years

Fifty is seen as a benchmark.

It is a time to reflect on where you have been, what you have accomplished, evaluate the mistakes you have made, and look more closely at the person you have become, or still might want to be in the future.

Your fifties are a time for the big decisions.

Are you content with your place in society?

Would you like to be more adventurous and begin a new second chapter in life?

Should you stay on the tried and true treadmill or venture out to take a different path with more risks?

You question for the first time in you life if you are you truly happy.

Do you even know what happiness
means?

You do know it includes financial security, social status, and a lifetime of accomplishments, you also know it is, or just has to be, more.

Your fifties still leave enough time to change where you are going in life if you do choose to do so.

The decision is firmly within your hands to make.

How though do you gamble with all you have achieved, especially if you have other responsibilities?

A man’s true midlife crisis is rooted in how he makes this decision.

While your fifties can afford you the luxury to reflect on your successes, and your failures, they also bring another, and until that point a less important factor to consider, your health.

The fifties bring little aches and pains that you had never experienced before.

You also discover that your body does not recover from the strenuous side of life as quickly it did when you were a younger man.

Your fifties set the stage for the new importance of annual physicals and checkups.

A man in his fifties cannot wrap his mind around the idea that his body is beginning to slowly betray him.

In his mind he is still twenty five although personal stamina and general appearance argue differently.

Where did that round stomach come from all of a sudden?

Why is it so hard to lose weight now?

Why do I so easily run out of breath?

Do I really need glasses?

Well maybe just for reading and that’s normal.

The fifties also bring a man’s first realization of mortality.

So to counter these factors he undertakes renewed workouts at the gym.

He starts to jog again even though he has not done so in years.

He starts to take vitamins and supplements.

He starts to monitor his diet more closely; at least until those late night temptations call.

A man even quietly re-evaluates his sexual prowess.

These changes in mind and body change the soul as well.

It is within this soul that a man fights to decide whether he stays where he is in life or takes on new challenges.

He is haunted by his need to somehow reconcile his successes and his need to have a legacy defined by more than just them.

Making serous and dynamic life changes however are difficult to do; they are risky too.

Buying a fancy new red sports car is simply so much easier to do and so the past defines the future for most.

Phase Four: The Later Years

A man’s sixties are in most cases simply a prelude to the end.

The end to career aspirations, the end to accumulation of mere possessions, and the end to many family responsibilities.

The title “father” is replaced with “grandfather.”

In a man’s sixties he begins to shift his physical goals from building his body to preventing it for further deterioration.

Lifting two hundred pound weights in the gym gives way to thirty minute cardio exercise routines instead.

The question that dominates health issues is no longer if a man takes any prescriptions to just how many pills does he take each day.

Personal pill dispensers replace fancy lighters and custom cigars.

Psychologically a man’s psyche moves from conquering the world to simply reaching the finishing line with some form of dignity.

Compromise and realization become an everyday part of life.

As when he was a very young man waiting to begin life, he now awaits the time he can ease off the throttle and coast a little.

Happiness is replaced with contentment.

Phase Five: The Golden Years

Are the Golden Years really that golden?

Throughout the years a man works on the assumption, and buys into the belief, that once all the financial battles are won, once all the fifteen hour days are passed, and once all the family obligations are met, then he will reap the rewards of the “good life” he has so justly earned.

There will now be time to travel, to read, golf more, and maybe even write that great American novel of his life.

This could indeed be so if not for the toll all those responsibilities take on a man, both physically and psychologically.

Starting in his seventies a man’s health begins to seriously go into decline.

Too many hours are now spent in physician offices; more hours than at social gatherings.

Men of that age become way too familiar with medical terms such as MRI or EKG.

The pictures of him that are now taken are more likely to come from an X-Ray machine rather than a camera.

The new tests in life now include those measuring his blood pressure, his cholesterol, and other bodily indicators.

Physically, the most striking truth he comes to realize is that, unlike when he was a younger man, these health issues will not get better, but instead inevitably decline with each passing year.

While it is true that some men age better than others, it is also true that not one will escape the ravishes of time forever.

All will eventually succumb.

Psychologically, a man comes to grips with not only his own mortality, but also with questions about the quality of the life he will experience in those final years.

Health conditions become the great unknown factor, the wild card, that begin to control his life.

Old age creeps up upon a man like a shadow in the night.

He never really sees it coming.

Its effects are slow, but relentless.

Others look “old” not him.

That is until one day while reminiscing over old pictures he finds himself saying “wow look how young I was then.”

It is also during these years that the stories of friends who are experiencing dementia start to hit home.

The dreaded “A” word; Alzheimer’s, is discussed in hushed tones.

Losing one’s physical health is horrible enough, but to lose one’s mind is truly terrifying; to have to become the one cared for instead of the one who had provided for everyone else is unthinkable.

A man vows to himself and others that “I will never become a burden” and secretly he plans how to deal with that possibility if it comes his way.

It makes him feel noble to believe it could be his last contribution in life.

The walls seem to be closing in from all sides.

Socially men also experience a major shift in their status during these years.

The moment a man is asked about his profession and answers “I used to be...” his relevance diminishes significantly.

Ours is a society built to reward the young and the successful; the “go getters” and the “up and comers” as well as the sound of mind and sound of body.

In the “Golden Years” men are neither.

Added to these burdens, and that is what they are indeed both financially and psychologically, there is also the sheer horror of the possibility that a man must face these situations by himself.

What happens if the love of his life passes away before him?

It is not unusual for men to speak about, and truly hope that they will “die first.”

It is just easier than facing life alone.

During these years men struggle with these issues, but in the end, they finally learn to live with their inevitable conditions.

Eventually, they learn to “go on” with life no matter what happens.

The realization that life has to be lived sets in and so one day follows another, till one day when they will not.

When times are bad and the hours seem to never end a man begins to wish for the end of his days.

When they are good; when he gets to spend special moments with his loved ones and friends the days and years seem to fly.

Solace is found in time spent with family; children, grandchildren, and maybe even great grandchildren, and in celebrating their achievements in life.

Reflections lead to reminiscences and finally to good memories.

Past memories are recalled from decades, not simply years, before.

A man learns to involve himself in life more as an observer, a counselor, and a quiet supporter more so than the “take charge problem solver” he once was in life.

He comes to understand that it is acceptable to enjoy life from a distance.

Taking time to slow down and enjoy peace and quiet as well as finding joy in unexpected places is a good way to live life and an even better way to end it.

Yes, life is indeed short; too short.