FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS - Return of the ConchordsA Screenplay by Jody Medland This is a sample episode of the hit series 'Flight of the Conchords' that I have written in order to help pitch my own TV Series, '40 Days', to HBO.
FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS
(A Script for the Sit-Com)
Created by
Jermaine Clement, Bret McKenzie & Rhys Darby
SERIES THREE, EPISODE ONE
‘Return of the Conchords’
Written by
Jody Medland
09-10-2010 Mr Jody Medland21 Weymouth HouseHill House MewsBromleyKentBR2 0DDUnited Kingdom
Mob: 0773 136 1264
WRITER’S FOREWORD
Being that I am such a fan of Flight of the Conchords, I was of course upset to hear that the chances of a third season coming to fruition were slim. I had only heard it as a rumour, but apparently Jermaine Clement and Bret McKenzie suffered a bit from the pressure of writing the second series, which marred their enjoyment in making the show.
It had always been my intention to write an episode of FOTC’S as a sample, and as I am now seeking to work with HBO on my own TV Series, 40 Days, I thought I would take this opportunity to do it now.
By doing so, I hope to show people that I am able to write characters well for existing shows so that I may win commissioners’ approval to create my own. As a secondary aim, I also hope to get this to Bret and Jermaine in the hope that it may inspire the Conchords to continue.
The following is the potential outline for an episode and includes everything other than songs. The reason for this is two-fold; firstly, it is not possible for a song to be perceived by any reader the same way as the writer intended it, and secondly, the magical lyrics provided by Bret and Jermaine on the show cannot be rivalled by a third party. They are the show, and therefore, it is my opinion that this finishing touch should be left with them.
There was so much that I wanted to add in my writing. For example, I really wanted to introduce members of Bret and/or Jermaine’s family. However, I also wanted to write a disciplined storyline that could continue from where the last series ended.
I sincerely hope that you enjoy my episode and would be interested in hearing your comments.
Words by
Jody Medland
FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS
SERIES THREE, EPISODE ONE ‘Return of the Conchords’ Written by Jody Medland
Fade in:
INT. FASHION STUDIO �" DAY
BRET sits on a CHAIR possessing an icy gaze as he stares forward judgingly. He is wearing a PURPLE SUEDE SUIT with a WHITE RUFFLED SHIRT. A WOMAN with a GERMAN accent leans in to speak into his ear.
GERMAN WOMAN Vat do you t’ink?
BRET (Quietly hesitant) Umm… I’m not sure ut’s exuctly what we need.
Stood on a STAGE in front of them, is a very large, muscular bald MAN wearing tight LEATHER TROUSERS with a matching WAISTCOAT. He is bending and lunging all over the place.
GERMAN WOMAN Vat do you mean?
BRET Wull… the show’s for a secondary school, eh?
GERMAN WOMAN Yes…?
She stares at him, searching for more of a reason.
BRET And… this is kinda gay!
Suddenly, a LARGE SHADOW hovers over BRET. He looks up to the BALD MAN who is now towering over him with a menacing look on his face. He yells in a camp, GERMAN ACCENT.
BALD MAN Who are zou calling gay?!
The MAN pulls his fist back as he snarls.
EXT. FIELD �" DAY
BRET is walking into the middle of a FIELD wearing the same PURPLE SUIT, accompanied with PURPLE AVIATOR GLASSES. His CLOTHES are TORN from the tussle.
EXT. WOODEN HUT - DAY
JERMAINE, who is dressed in a long GOWN complete with a HEAD SCARF and a CANE, sits at the top of the FIELD outside of a WOODEN HUT as he watches over his SHEEP.
Suddenly, he spots the MAN in the PURPLE SUIT approaching and squints as he attempts to identify him.
JERMAINE (Raised voice) Excuse me. Sir? Excuse me!
BRET (Casually) Hey man.
JERMAINE squints harder.
JERMAINE Brit? Is thet you?
BRET Yea.
JERMAINE What are you doing here?
BRET I’ve come ta see you, man.
JERMAINE Oh, really? I thought you didn’t mux with my type any more?
BRET What?
JERMAIN I called your phone and a woman answered saying that you didn’t mux with my type any more.
BRET Who was ut?
JERMAINE shrugs.
BRET (CONT’D) Was ut Frieda?
JERMAINE I don’t know! She was German.
BRET Yea, that’s Frieda. She’s my agunt. Wull… was my agunt.
JERMAINE What d’ya mean? Have you quat?
BRET Yea, I quat.
JERMAINE Were you fired?
BRET No. I quat!
There is a short silence.
JERMAINE You were fired, eh?
BRET Yea.
JERMAINE What were you fired for?
BRET I cudn’t focus.
JERMAINE Focus? Why did you have to focus?
BRET It’s hard work, man. There’s a lot of pressure so I kept trying to relax by playing musuc.
JERMAINE’S eyes creep towards him.
JERMAINE You were playing musuc?
BRET Yea. I muss the good old days, man.
JERMAINE What good old days?
BRET Like when you and me were in New York!
JERMAINE What was gud about det?
BRET You know?
JERMAINE No.
BRET The people we met…
JERMAINE They hated us! They all thought we were Englush or Australian!
BRET The food…
JERMAINE We couldn’t afford to eat!
BRET The gugs…
JERMAINE We never had any gugs!
BRET We had some gugs!
There is another short silence.
BRET (CONT’D) We had some gugs, eh?
JERMAINE Brit… playing in empty parks and hotel lobbies is not a gug! They were terrible times! The fashion world has changed you.
BRET Don’t you muss ut?
JERMAINE No.
BRET You don’t muss ut?
JERMAINE No. I’ve got ma sheep, here; I’ve got ma watch box right behind me and the whole world in front of me!
BRET glances at the HUT behind them.
BRET M-m… it is a nice watch box.
JERMAINE Ut’s a good one, eh?
BRET Yea. Betta than the ones we use to have.
JERMAINE Yea. Wull… I’m a white shepherd now.
BRET Uzzut betta?
JERMAINE Ah, yea. Heaps!
BRET So you don’t wanna go beck to playing musuc?
JERMAINE Na.
BRET Why?
JERMAINE I gotta girlfriend.
BRET Yeah?
JERMAINE Yeah. I thunk she’s the one.
BRET Really? You said that about Sally.
JERMAINE Yeah…
BRET And all the others.
JERMAINE Wull… thus is the final one.
BRET Ah. Wull… is she anything like Sally?
JERMAINE No. (Beat) I mean, she is called Sally, but other than that, she’s completely dufferunt.
EXT. FIELD �" DAY
JERMAINE is riding across the FIELD in his TRACTOR. BRET has climbed onto the back and is stood right behind him. There is a moment of silence before he speaks.
BRET Uf Sally was definitely the one, then how can this Sally now be the one if she’s so dufferunt?
There is an awkward silence.
JERMAINE Can you get off my trecta, Brit?
EXT. FIELD �" DAY
JERMAINE is stood under the darkening sky mouthing silent numbers as he attempts to count his SHEEP. BRET stands in silence as he observes him. Suddenly, JERMAINE slumps his shoulders as he rolls his eyes.
JERMAINE Do you mind not watching me? It’s very districting!
BRET Really? I’m not talkung.
JERMAINE But I can feel your eyes. It’s most irritatung!
BRET Ah, sorry!
He turns his back to JERMAINE, who begins to count again.
BRET Will you come for a drunk with me? You know… once you’ve funushed?
JERMAINE closes his eyes and exhales heavily, agitated by the latest disturbance.
JERMAINE Why d’ya wanna go for a drunk? We never go for a drunk?
BRET I know… but, it’s just thet I’ve booked us a gug so I wanna talk about ut.
JERMAINE What d’ya mean, you’ve booked us a gug? We haven’t been an us for ages!
BRET Ut’s been sux weeks!
JERMAINE Thet’s a lifetime… and ya can’t just book a gug without me knowung about ut!
BRET Come on! What d’ya say? Let’s brung beck ‘Flight of the Conchords’!
JERMAINE considers it for a moment.
JERMAINE Wull when us thus gug?
BRET looks at his WATCH.
BRET Ut’s un three hours.
JERMAINE Three hours! Wull, what uf I said “no”?!
BRET Then I’ll play ut anyway. Ut just wont be as gud.
JERMAINE Not as gud? Ut’ll be awful!
BRET thinks for a moment.
BRET It wull be afwul, eh?
JERMAINE Yeees! Nobody evun likes our music when ut’s complete. Uf ut wasn’t complete, ut’d be… incomplete, which is worse!
BRET Yea. I need ya, man. What d’ya say?
JERMAINE I wull come for a drunk, but only uf you cancel the gug.
BRET Why do I need to cancel the gug?
JERMAINE Wull… I need to practuce. We cen discuss ut, thet’s all!
INT. PUB HALLWAY �" NIGHT
OLD, RUSTIC WALLPAPER with the legend reading:-
‘Three Hours Later’
INT. PUB SEATING AREA �" NIGHT
BRET and JERMAINE sit at a TABLE in a small, intimate BAR. The room is dimly lit and the atmosphere is pleasant as a local BAND finish one of their songs at an open-mic night.
LEAD SINGER Thank you!
The audience applauds as an MC walks up onto the STAGE. BRET pulls TWO GUITARS out from under the TABLE. JERMAINE is oblivious to this.
JERMAINE Brit, when d’ya wanna talk about our gug?
He looks back and double-takes as BRET opens the case to his INSTRUMENT.
JERMAINE (CONT’D) What’s thet?
BRET It’s my guitaa!
JERMAINE I know it’s your guitaa! What’s it doing here? And how dud you get it here without me seeing ut? And how dud you get my guitaa?! I’ve been looking for thet!
BRET I borrowed ut.
JERMAINE You mean you stole ut? Borrowed is when you ask and the owner knows where ut’s gone.
BRET Wull… you’ve got ut now.
JERMAINE That doesn’t make ut… wait… have you trucked me?
BRET What? No. What gives you thet idea?
The MC announces the next band, reading it from a CARD.
MC And next on the stage, please welcome our very own ‘Flight of the… Tudors’!
There is a shallow applause. JERMAINE scowls at BRET, who hands him his GUITAR.
JERMAINE You betrayed me!
BRET No, I dudn’t. I just told a lie to get you to come here.
JERMAINE Yea, that’s betrayal!
BRET Usut?
JERMAINE Yeees!
BRET Ah! Sorry man.
MC (Searchingly) ‘Flight of the Tudors’. Are you still with us?
BRET raises his hand.
BRET Over here!
JERMAINE scowls at him again.
JERMAINE Brit!
BRET shrugs.
BRET Wull… it’s too late now, man.
JERMAINE closes his eyes and exhales, deeply exasperated.
EXT. PUB - NIGHT
The surrounding atmosphere of the dimly lit PUB is calm. We hear the song The Humans Are Dead coming from inside. It ends to the sound of CHEERS.
INT. PUB SEATING AREA �" NIGHT
Inside the PUB, the CROWDS are CLAPPING and WHISTLING loudly.
INT. STAGE - NIGHT
The reaction surprises them as they take it in. JERMAINE leans away from the MIC and whispers to BRET.
JERMAINE What’s heppening? They like us!
BRET Yea. Good, eh?
JERMAINE M-m… maybe we dudn’t need to leave here to make ut?!
BRET Wull… I wouldn’t say we’ve made ut!
JERMAINE Brit, I’ve got a new song.
BRET What’s ut about?
JERMAINE Just follow my lead.
BRET (Nervously) Jermaine, are you sure we shouldn’t practuce?
JERMAINE Ordinarily, yeees… but for some reasun, I think we should just go with ut!
BRET shrugs.
BRET Okay, man.
INT. PUB HALLWAY �" NIGHT
OLD, RUSTIC WALLPAPER with the legend reading:-
‘Three Minutes Later’
We hear JERMAINE wailing over what seems like a poorly played experimental guitar solo.
INT. STAGE - NIGHT
BRET is glancing over at his colleague, trying to play notes that redeem their efforts. However, JERMAINE has gone off on a mad tangent and finally strums the final chord, looking out at the audience with passion.
BRET’S efforts have failed.
INT. SEATING AREA - NIGHT
The audience is sat open mouthed, wearing frowns and shaking their heads. Only one MAN at the back of the room claps, “woo-hooing” as he does so.
INT. BAR �" NIGHT
BRET and JERMAINE walk up to the BAR, nodding in acknowledgement at the punters around them. However, everybody shuns them. The BARMAN approaches.
BARMAN (Abruptly) Yea?
BRET Umm… wata, please.
JERMAINE Two wata’s.
BRET Two wata’s.
The BARMAN looks at them like they are complete losers.
BARMAN Fine… whatever!
He shakes his head, disapprovingly, before walking away.
Suddenly, a familiar voice finds them. It’s MURRAY.
MURRAY (Enthusiastically) Whoa! Hold the press! Look whose beck, huh? The Conchords!
BRET (Surprised) Murray?
JERMAINE What are you doing here?
MURRAY What d’ya thunk? I’m here to look afta you two Turkeys!
BRET Look afta us?
MURRAY Yea. I’ve quat me job and I’ve got us a new plan!
BRET You’ve quat ya job?
MURRAY Yeees.
BRET For us?
MURRAY (Hesitates) Wull… I’ve quat… but we don’t need to go unto thet.
JERMAINE (Suspiciously) You were fired, eh?
MURRAY Yea. I was.
An awkward silence ensues, before MURRAY looks back at them.
MURRAY (CONT’D) (Upbeat) But that doesn’t change the fect I’m beck, dussut?
JERMAINE Thus feels like a truck.
MURRAY How can you say thet? When huve I ever trucked you, Jermaine?
JERMAINE You’ve trucked us hundreds of times!
MURRAY Like when? I’m insulted! D’ya wanna hurt ma feelungs, Jermaine? Coz that’s what you’ve done!
BRET No. He duzn’t.
MURRAY Too late now. I’ve come all thus way to let you know where I planned to take you, but now I don’t feel like ut!
BRET Not New York?
MURRAY No. Your visa’s expired Brit, dudn’t they?
JERMAINE Yea, because you overlooked ut!
MURRAY Yeah, wull… I do feel bad about thet. Thet’s why I’m beck though, usn’t ut? With new visa’s!
JERMAINE (Pessimistically) Ah, not Australia?
MURRAY Noooo!
There is a silence as they think hard. Excited, MURRAY looks back over to them wearing a mischievous grin as he leans in.
MURRAY (CONT’D) You wanna know eh?
BRET Yeah.
He looks to JERMAINE.
MURRAY You wanna know?
JERMAINE Yeah.
MURRAY Right! Wull… the surprise is a little ruined now you’ve tainted ut wuth a painful accusation, but here ut us anyway… (Smiling) Englund!
JERMAINE (Excitedly) Englund?
MURRAY Yea. Londun!
JERMAINE Londun, Englund?
MURRAY Yeeees!
BRET But, Jermaine’s gotta girlfriend.
MURRAY Do you?
JERMAINE Yeah. Wull… no. I was just lying cuz I didn’t wanna play thus gug!
BRET (Offended) Why would you lie ta me, man?
JERMAINE shrugs.
MURRAY Who cares? Doesn’t matta.
BRET Ut does! Und uf ya made her up, why’d ya call her Sally? Why dudn’t ya give her anutha name?
JERMAINE I penucked!
MURRAY Guys! Thus is gud! Don’t you see? Ut means there’s nothing to stop us goung! Us there?
Short silence as he monitors them.
MURRAY (CONT’D) Us there?
BRET (Casually) No.
JERMAINE (Shrugs) Guess not.
MURRAY (Excitedly) Great! We leave un the morning!
EXT. CAR PARK �" DAY
MURRAY approaches his RENTAL CAR, carrying a large BROWN, PAPER BAG. He opens the DRIVER’S DOOR and ducks down inside. BRET is sat in the passenger seat with JERMAINE in the back. He passes the BAG to JERMAINE.
MURRAY Right, here are your supplies.
INT. CAR - DAY
JERMAINE immediately starts to fumble through them.
MURRAY (CONT’D) Now, I don’t wanna hear any more complaints. Seriously, everything you two do seems to cost me money!
BRET glances over his shoulder.
BRET What’s un there, man?
JERMAINE pinches the top of the BAG shut, protectively.
JERMAINE Ah… I think we should save ut!
BRET Okay.
BRET looks back over to MURRAY as he starts up the engine. JERMAINE subtly begins to nibble on some FOOD.
MURRAY begins to reverse, slowly, as he glances around at his MIRRORS, struggling to see out the back. He looks over to BRET.
MURRAY Alright?
BRET Yep.
Suddenly, MURRAY reverses fast. A THUD can be heard as a CYCLIST falls off of his BIKE and screams in pain. JERMAINE angles for a better view out of the back window.
MURRAY looks over to BRET, nervous but angry.
MURRAY (Panicked) I thought you said ut was alright?
BRET Oh! I thought you were asking uf I was alright!
MURRAY (Agitated) Why would I ask uf you were alright, Brit?
BRET shrugs and sulks. JERMAINE leans forward.
JERMAINE Shall we maybe go and see uf he’s alright?
INT. AIRPORT �" DAY
BRET, MURRAY and JERMAINE are stood on a CONVEYER BELT with their entire LUGGAGE at hand.
JERMAINE Where’s our first gug, Murray?
MURRAY It’s here, obviously!
BRET glares at him.
BRET Un the airport?
MURRAY Yeees!
BRETT rolls his eyes. JERMAINE huffs. MURRAY smirks.
MURRAY (CONT’D) Only joking!
JERMAINE What?
BRET Thet was a joke?
MURRAY Yeees!
JERMAINE Don’t joke, Murray!
MURRAY Ah, come on! Lighten up, fellas! Ya don’t see me moping around, do you? And I’ve probably got more reason to than you, but we’re on an adventure!
INT. AIRPORT WAITING AREA �" DAY
Hours later, BRET leans on MURRAY as he sleeps and JERMAINE looks zombified with boredom as they wait for their flight.
JERMAINE Murray, what does your wife thunk about all thus?
MURRAY Thus us ut, usn’t ut?
JERMAINE What’s ut?
MURRAY We’re men, Jermaine. We don’t need to lusten to women. We do what we want, when we want, don’t we?
BRET (Knowingly) She threw you out again, dudn’t she?
MURRAY I thought you were asleep?!
BRET I was pretendung to be.
MURRAY Oh! You were pretendung to be asleep?
BRET Yea.
MURRAY Why?
BRET I was bored.
MURRAY We’re all bored! But ya don’t pretend ta be asleep!
BRET Don’t you?
MURRAY No!
BRET Why not?
MURRAY Wull… you’ll frighten the life out of somebody. How about thet?!
JERMAINE Yeah, but… beck to what we were talking about before.
MURRAY What was thet?
BRET Your wife.
MURRAY (Dismissively) Ah, wull… we don’t need to talk about thet!
JERMAINE Wull, I’m just worried thet you’re dragging us along on some sorta safari because you’re lonely!
MURRAY Oh, I see. Like that, usut?
JERMAINE I dudn’t mean…
MURRAY Nope! You’ve said it now.
BRET I thunk Jermaine was just trying to say that we’re giving up a lot to go to Englund and he’s worried there’s no real plan, like un New York.
JERMAINE Yea, thet!
MURRAY There was too a plan in New York!
BRET Ut wusn’t a gud plan.
JERMAINE Yeah. The plan would have to be betta then thet!
MURRAY Listen to the two of you! I’ve never heard such ungrateful whining! In fect…
He begins to aggressively rustle around in his BAG, pulling out a YELLOW NOTEPAD.
JERMAINE Oh no…
MURRAY Yep. Band Meetung!
BRET Murray… do we have ta do thus?
MURRAY Murray… presunt. Brit? Brit?!
BRET (Reluctantly) Presunt.
MURRAY And Jermaine?
JERMAINE Presunt.
MURRAY Right. Item one. Attitude! There’s a new rule, and it’s thet, as your manager, I won’t tolerate your beckchet any more. And I might remind you both thet what you’re “guvung up” in New Zealand usn’t all thet great!
There is a short silence as MURRAY stares at them briefly before beginning to pack his NOTEPAD away.
JERMAINE Okay. I’ve a point I’d like to brung up in the meetung…
MURRAY Nuh… too late. The meetung’s over!
BRET Thet was the meetung?
MURRAY Yes.
JERMAINE Ut’s over?
MURRAY Yeees!
JERMAINE But we’ve still got two hours til our flight!
MURRAY I don’t care! Next time, brung your points up during the meetung and we wont have this debacle!
There is a short silence.
BRET Hey Murray, do we get Per Diems like last time?
MURRAY Ah, yea. Good one! I think we all need to learn our lessons, and the less freedom I give you two, the betta!
JERMAINE You can’t make us work for you in a foreign country and take away our freedom. Thet’s prostitution!
MURRAY What? Ut’s not!
BRET Wull… ut’s slavery.
JERMAINE You’re like our pimp!
MURRAY What dud I say about beckchet?!
Another short silence.
MURRAY (CONT’D) Thet’s betta!
BRET It’s alright, Jermaine. We’ve got two hours to talk to Murray about what went wrong wuth his wife, eh?
MURRAY’S eyes burn at him. JERMAINE raises a mischievous eyebrow.
JERMAINE Ah! We have, too!
MURRAY leans forward and pulls out his WALLET. Angrily, he flicks through his MONEY.
MURRAY Here’s fufty each!
BRET Thenks, Murray.
JERMAINE Yea, thenks!
MURRAY I’ve no idea when you both became so manipulatuve!
JERMAINE It was probably when we became your slaves.
MURRAY Yeah, good one. Just go!
Without any hesitation, they go. MURRAY shakes his head in disbelief before glancing over to a DUTY FREE SHOP on the ground floor.
INT. DUTY FREE SHOP �" DAY
In the SHOP, MURRAY is trying on a wide range of SUNGLASSES. As he pulls a series of poses, he notices a WOMAN looking at him. He smiles bashfully before breaking eye contact. To his surprise, she smiles back.
Subtly, he watches her as she resumes her duties. He takes a deep breath and walks over to her.
MURRAY I’m sorry about the poses.
It takes a moment before she realizes that he is talking to her.
MURRAY (CONT’D) Glasses don’t really suit me!
WOMAN Oh! I think they do.
MURRAY Ah! Really? Which ones?
She walks over to him. He looks a little tense as she passes, but she smiles and nods towards the SUNGLASSES, enticing him to follow.
She studies the ROTATING STAND as he watches her, sidetracked by her beauty.
WOMAN Well, let’s see. I liked you in these ones.
She hands him a PAIR as she continues to scan the selection.
WOMAN (CONT’D) And these ones.
MURRAY Ah, really?
He tries them on again and looks at her. She nods and he smiles again.
MURRAY (CON’T) Okay. Thet’s good enough for me…
He leans in to read her NAME TAG.
MURRAY (CONT’D) … Zoe! I’ll take them. You’re sure they look gud?
ZOE Yeah! Of course, I do work on commission.
He studies her, looking uncertain of her comment.
ZOE (CONT’D) I’m kuddung!
MURRAY Uh… yeah. Good one!
They share a chuckle as she leads him slowly back towards the COUNTER AREA.
ZOE So, you’re a band manager?
MURRAY Yeah. How’d ya know thet?
ZOE Your tag.
She points down to a self-made NAME TAG on his SUIT JACKET, reading ‘MURRAY HEWITT �" BAND MANAGER’.
MURRAY Ah! Yes. We’re going on tour.
ZOE (Impressed) On tour?! Where?
She walks back to the COUNTER as he follows.
MURRAY To Englund.
ZOE Wow! When are you beck?
MURRAY Umm… we’re not sure.
ZOE (Suggestively) I hope it’s soon.
He judges her as she runs her fingers over the CASH REGISTER.
ZOE Thet’s seventy-nine dollars, please.
MURRAY Oh! Right…
Suddenly, MURRAY’S PHONE begins to RING. He picks it out of his pocket before looking at the SCREEN. It reads:- ‘SHELLEY’.
MURRAY (CONT’D) Ah, hang on. I’ve gotta take thus!
ZOE No worries!
MURRAY steps away from the COUNTER, turning his back as he answers.
MURRAY Hullo? Yeees. I’m not there. Yes, I left. You told me to “jump off an ‘effing cliff!”. No. I’m in New Zealand now! What? You want me beck?
Look Shell… you can’t just flup like a swutch the minute you don’t get your own way! I’m sorry, I can’t… (Distracted) Wull… yes, I did like it when you dud thet, but �" look… no!
He looks out into the main WAITING AREA, where BRET and JERMAINE have started playing their GUITARS to the other PASSENGERS. The sight brings a smile to MURRAY’S face.
MURRAY (CONT’D) You wanna know what I’m doing? I’m heading over to London with a little band called ‘Flight of the Conchords’!
Yeah, wull the money in the check-in fund was all mine, wusn’t ut? Find your own money… ya butch!
He slams the PHONE shut and smiles broadly; riding high on the wave of confidence as he watches them play. However, a LARGE SECURITY GUARD approaches them and a dispute soon leads to the GUARD man handling the MEN.
MURRAY’S smile fades.
ZOE Girlfriend trouble?
MURRAY (Distracted) Eh? Ah… yeah. Something like thet!
ZOE Oh! Impossible to tame, eh?
MURRAY Yea. Wull… no. Not at all, actually.
ZOE Even betta! A man who likes to take care of a womun.
MURRAY Wull… yeah. I do try to do thet!
ZOE You’re so adorable. Listun, I’m not supposed to do thus, but here’s ma numba.
She begins to write it on the back of a PIECE of PAPER.
ZOE (CONT’D) Guve me a call when you’re beck!
She hands over the PAPER and he accepts it. They exchange warm smiles.
INT. AIRPLANE �" DAY
MURRAY is sat in the middle of BRET and JERMAINE, beaming as they both look glum.
JERMAINE I don’t thunk ut was necessary to confiscate our guitaa’s.
MURRAY Wull… you shouldn’t have been playing in the lobby, Jermaine. You know you’re not allowed to do thet!
BRET No, we dudn’t.
MURRAY Wull… now you do, eh?
They don’t respond.
MURRAY (CONT’D) (Encouragingly) Eh?
They both groan, frustrated.
BRET & JERMAINE Yeees.
MURRAY You’ll get thum beck when we land, anyway. Look at the posutuves!
BRET What posutuves?
MURRAY The sun’s shining… usn’t ut? People are smiling! We’re going to Englund on tour… eh? London, Englund. There’s a golden twinge to everything, usn’t there?
BRET You mean ‘tinge’?
MURRAY Yeah, whateva!
JERMAINE studies him.
JERMAINE (Suspiciously) Why are you so heppy?
MURRAY Why wouldn’t I be?
BRET Are you on drugs?
MURRAY Nooo! Ut’s for all the reasons I just said there, usn’t ut? For all of the above!
JERMAINE Usut creck?
MURRAY (Yelling) I’m not on creck, Jermaine!
The large, angry looking SECURITY GUARD reappears, hovering over them as they look up, anxiously.
MURRAY (CONT’D) (Casually) Alright?
SECURITY Did you just say “Crack”?
MURRAY Nuh. I said I’ve got a bed beck.
SECURITY I don’t believe you!
JERMAINE We’re sorry. He’s got turrets.
BRET I don’t have effin’ turrets!
JERMAINE See?
The GUARD snarls at them, eyeballing both BRET and JERMAINE.
SECURITY You again?!
JERMAINE Hey!
BRET Hey!
SECURITY (Menacingly) I’m watching you!
He stares at them hard before walking away.
JERMAINE So, where are we actually goung?
MURRAY What d’ya mean?
JERMAINE In London, where are our gugs?
MURRAY Wull… we haven’t actually got anything booked for London yet!
JERMAINE Uh, no…
MURRAY Whoa! Our first gug is in Shepshed, in Shropshire.
BRET shakes his head.
BRET Thus us New York all over again!
MURRAY No! I’ve done my research thus time! I typed ut all unto the google machine.
BRET I don’t have any faith in thus!
MURRAY Wull… thet’s why I’m your manager, usn’t ut?
BRET shrugs as JERMAINE pouts.
Suddenly, another familiar voice can be heard from further down the PLANE.
FEMALE VOICE (Excitedly) Hey guys!
They all look, narrowing their eyes.
BRET Us thet Mel?
JERMAINE No! Really?
Further down the PLANE, MEL is waving and smiling at them as DOUG struggles with all of their carry-on LUGGAGE.
JERMAINE Ut us Mel, eh?
MURRAY Yeah. She asked uf I’d mind uf she followed us ta Englund. I said no. Didn’t thunk she’d actually do ut!
BRET Wull, you know she’s crazy!
MURRAY Wull, I do now!
JERMAINE You should’ve anyway!
MURRAY Look! Guys! I dudn’t come here to be attacked! Anyway, ut’s good! Ut means our Englush fan-base has already started!
BRET So, we’re stull on one?!
MURRAY Not stull… already! We’re already on one. You need to flup ut. Make ut more posutuve!
JERMAINE moans once more as BRET casually places the earphones to his I-POD in his ears. MURRAY forces a smile before leaning back in his chair, looking forward to the journey. JERMAINE shakes his head.
JERMAINE (Mockingly sighing) Sheepshed!
Fade out:
Roll credits:
THE END © 2011 Jody MedlandAuthor's Note
|
StatsAuthor
Jody MedlandLondon, South East, United KingdomAboutI have written prolifically now for little over ten years, but always saw myself as more of a filmmaker than anything else. However, the last eighteen months has seen the creation of my first three.. more..Writing
|
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Read Request
My Library
Subscribe
Flag Writing
