miss u

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Me: hey

You: miss u

Me: THANKS!!! lol. miss u too

You:

 

            We hadn’t talked in a while. I just wanted to say hey; see what you’re up too. You said we should stay in touch when we leave for college, and we did at first, but it started slacking. You would stop snapping me back on snapchat after only two or three snaps, so I stopped. And you did too. But It’s whatever. “Let bygones be bygones” is what most people would say.

            Back in high school, we barely talked. We didn’t really avoid each other, we were just never around at the same time. We were just acquaintances. We might have saw each other in those cramped halls, but that was it. Senior year though, we sat right by each other. We still didn’t speak. We have no history together. Our parents weren’t best friends. Our siblings didn’t know each other. We didn’t know each other. We just.

            We probably met in kindergarten. You could’ve seen me walking laps as punishment for whatever hijinks me and my friend pulled. But that’s all hypothetical. The first time I know we met was in first grade. We were in the same class. I remember I sat by the window facing the door on the opposite wall. I don’t remember where you sat.  But wherever it was, you had to have been in my view. Why else would I yell “I love you!” out loud during lunch, especially since we still had never said a word to one another.

            Sometimes I wonder if you remember. Maybe I should ask you sometime. I doubt that will happen. I don’t even remember why I yelled it. I think one of my friends dared me to do it. I did mean it though. It started a 5-year crush on you. Every time we would go to the playground, I would try to soak in a little courage from the out-going kids and try to talk to you. It was to no avail. This went on until middle school. Me being your shadow, trying to ask you about your day, but ending up just walking away: my heart between my legs.

            Middle school was hard for me. I was trying to fit in with someone while you had it made. Everyone knew you. Your dad was the softball coach, and everyone wanted to play softball. Your mom was a big part of school activities, so you were always at them. You were just so popular. I was just so not. No one knew me. I only talked to my few friends, and I don’t think they wanted to talk to me. The thought of you and me, I didn’t see it. So I gave up.

            I moved on.

            Freshman year, I had a girlfriend. We dated off and on for about seven months. I’m pretty sure she cheated on me " twice. But f**k it, right? When we broke up, it was hard to move on. She was my first girlfriend, and I never knew what an actual break up felt like. But as time passed I moved on, and I moved on to my sophomore year. That’s when I met ******, the girl from “Lucky You”. I fell hard. But that stopped when we went on our youth group’s retreat. Me, you, and Hannah were the only seniors there. So naturally we all hung out. It was there that we started to grow close. But it really intensified after. We would send each other messages almost every day, until one day we were talking about your last break-up and your dad’s death when you said, “I don’t believe in soulmates. I believe we are all going to die someday, so what’s the point? I don’t know. Maybe someone will come along and change my mind someday.”

            From then on we barely talked. I wondered what you meant by that.

            Today I sent you a snapchat. “Hey”. You didn’t open it for about an hour. When you did, you gave my heart a jolt. You said, “miss u”, and that was it.

            I started to panic. “Does she actually like me?” my heart and mind were racing each other to a finish line that didn’t exist.

            I got nervous and didn’t know what to send back. I decided a polite “THANKS!!!” followed by an lol to let you know I was over exaggerating it. Then I followed it with “miss u too”. And you opened it less than two minutes later.

            But you never answered.

            I remember your first real boyfriend. I remember you two dated for a year. I remember him cheating on you every chance he got. I knew you knew. I remember when someone told you. I remember when you two broke up. I remember when you two got back together. I remember when he cheated. I remember you hating yourself for dating him.

            I watched from the sidelines. I was too afraid to comfort you. I just watched as you two started talking, then dating, then breaking up, then getting back together, then breaking up again. I just watched your lips dance to one another’s. I just watched.

            I wish I could go back to first grade, so I could yell, “I love you”, every day for the rest of my life. Or maybe I would tell myself to be quiet. This could all be you wanting to avoid me. This could all be me making connections where they shouldn’t be made.

 

He got down on one knee,

He pulled out the ring,

She looked at him,

Confused.