Silence kills

Decided to write a poem/book about my life this is a rough draft of what is to come.

Finally I am ready
To scream to cry to shout
Shout out loud that I have been carrying a burden that I can no longer carry
It weighs so heavy that it suffocates me
Breathless blue in the face my hands wrapped around my neck fighting for just one more breath
For years I've contemplated suicide
A easy way out
Thinking that all can end in a spilt second painless
Heartless because I did not think about the many I would leave behind
Selfish I had to be just for once because I've been living so selfless always thinking about the next person whilst getting left behind
I am fighting a meaningless battle
All my energy wasted my efforts forever unseen
As I sit up in my room in my parents house I hear my father bad mouthing me
Belittling me, making me feel so worthless. He always makes me doubt myself. Controlling my every move, my way of thinking my way of acting the way I'm living. Time and time again I try to prove myself to him. I think to myself today is the day that he finally accepts me today is the day that he no longer humiliates me but yet again I am wrong.
I remember asking my father for one pound so I could buy some milk for my little sibling's I will never forget that day because that was the day I vowed to never ask any man for anything. He spoke down to me called my useless made me feel as if I was a begger on the street. That day really hurt me.
When it comes to building a relationship or connection with people I find it extremely hard. Growing up I've always lived in fear. Fear of men mostly. There touch there existence would make my skin crawl. I was unable to show affection to any one. Hugging touching or even holding hands would spark my anexity up. Some would say I was weird or just cold. They will never understand I was a scared little child filled with trauma and heartache battling with a dark secret that I was afraid to tell anyone incase they thought I was to blame. I soon found a way of dealing with all the problems, So I thought. I began to sleep with different men somehow they no longer disgusted me. For a few mins maybe hours I felt as all my problems had gone. But when it was all over it all came flooding down on me like a tone of bricks and it hurts ten times worse. Here I am starting another cycle that yet again I am finding hard to get out of.

Reviews

[Twilight]

This certainly reads like a story rather than a poem, and hope that you choose to continue it. Indeed, it's probably quite brave to open up; and this is refreshingly genuine to read. By contrast, many writers on this site; only write about positive or pretty themes. Instead, of acknowledging how dark and sometimes difficult life can be. Thankyou, for sharing. I accept "read requests" too, on this site.

[Matthew Kult]

Tragically Personal

Sad Read

Matthew