She

Love is deceitful

I  have slowly grown tiresome of her affection. the emotional connection we once had became filipendulous. It was only a matter of time until we were completely disconnected, making every artificial hug, kiss, talk of our future together, and our romantic nights together meaningless, increasing by the second. I'm not sure what to do. I love her and the last thing I'd want to see is her sad but, i'm worn out. i cant take this constant onslaught of arguments. they're literally over everything. They happen so frequently, you'd think she was doing it on purpose. She just always has to be right. this is the epitome of a confliction. Do i stay or do i go? Is there even an answer for that? We've been together so long, i dont think ill even find love after this but, this isn't love anyway. Im not sure what to call this. This is two clearly incompatible people forcing a realtionship that was never meant to work. This is "im always wrong and youre always right". This is the cause of my alcoholism. This is calling me on my break or when im out with friends just to belittle me by saying things like "my mom was right about you" or "you'd be lost without me". I'm lost as it is, it never changed. I thought it would when we first engaged in this romantic endavour. If anything im even more lost than before. I've changed so much for you that im a mere shell of my former self. I dont even recognize myself anymore. Do you have any idea what's its like to look at yourself and see a stranger? To see something that looks like you, talks like you walks like you, even acts like you but, every fiber in your being knows this isnt you. I gave up on my dreams and goals for you. I followed your plan for us. I obeyed like a "good boy" would. It's still not enough for you. You crave more than that. You want...You know what, you're not even sure on what you want. I'm not either but i know i don't want this. I know i need to run for the hills, I've actually known  this for quite sometime now. I just dont have it in me to up and leave this behind. You bared our first and only child. What type of man would i be if i just tore the fabric of our family?  Our son deserves both is parent in his life, together. On the other hand whats worse, having both parents unhappily together or seperate and happy? I've pondered this but im still perplexed by it. I want to do right by her and our child but, is it right to put other people before you? Is it right to have your only purpose in life being to please someone else, to keep them happy? Is it truly my responsibility? What if I don't, does that not make me a "real man"? I Can't Decide.
 

Author's Note

*quiet sobs*

Reviews

[Craig2591]

You portrayed the frustration well. A sense of being trapped.