Letter to an Old Friend

I met a girl i once knew. We had a brief friendship - maybe more - and then it all ended. In a last attempt to keep her fading memory alive, i wrote this letter to her

To my dearest,

I was a child, a teenager when we first met. Do you recall? It was the beginning of the year in spring and my first time in bording school. My heart was beating outside my chest, fear crippling me as i sat on my single bed watching other girls in my dormroom converse like they had all been to a party i was not invited to. I was the outsider. The girl who had never been in this position. My mother had just dropped me off, kissed my cheek goodbye as tears streamed down my face. I wondered how she'd dared to abandon me in a small town, kilometres away from my reality. 

The streets in this town were small veins that all met into one large traffic circle, the people dressed like everyday was an offday - well at least the people i saw from the window of the bus and we drove into the city. 

It was almost lunch when we arrived at the school which was to be my home for the next four years. I had an oversized suitacase and a uniform so long it could have been a dress for a memorial. I waited for the punch line as my mother checked me in. It must've been a joke, i was sure. Sooner than i could laugh, i realised that this was my new reality as i watched my mother walking out of the gate back into the world. I was imprisoned in that place, with these girls who hardly noticed the trace of my tears that had dried just under my eyes.

I saw you at the door, your eyes small, your lips curved tracing a smile as you introduced yourself to every 'newbie' in the room. I followed you with my eyes, watched the way you would lean in to give a hug to everyone. Your hair was tied back, your uniform enveloping your body, caressing your hips and falling just above the knees. Your confidence and warmth oozed into the room. everyone noticed you, came to you to introduce themselves. I was rooted on my bed. I neither had the courage nor charisma to approach you like every girl in my dorm did. It didn't matter because after what seemed like an hour but more close to ten minutes, you started towards me. Your smile piercing my heart. Enchanted i stood awkwardly.

"Welcome." you said quietly taking me into your arms. Your sweet perfume diffusing all around me. I couldn't wrap my arms around you. I was week in the knees, enraptured. I had to be your friend, I needed to be around you, around whatever it is that you were. After a moment you release me and looked into my eyes. I dropped my gaze, my cheeks burning.

"Thanks," I said after a long pause.

"what's your name?" your voice was soft, your questions deliberate and calculated. 

"Joan. You?"

"You can call me TP," you smiled and turned to walk away. That was the best name anyone could have had then. "Oh-," You turned around to face me again, "There is choir practice tomorrow at 1:30pm, if you'd like to join. Maybe i'll see you there." you flashed another smile and left.

My first night was restless. I laid awake wrestling thoughts of you and I. I did not understand what it was about you that i was drawn to, or what attracted me to you. i decided we were meant to be best friends. Three weeks later, we were barely seen apart. I followed you wherever you went. I loved being around you. Although you were older than i was and a whole lot smarter, we became great friends.

Do you recall how we would sit on your bed in the senior dormroom and sing all the 90s songs? Do you remember the laughs and stupidity we shared? I didn't understand then how it was that i was the one to get all your attention when there were so many other girls your age in the school. It was until you had the asthma attack and they called for me to sleep in the sickbay with you that i understood. We were nearing the end of the first trimester. The temperatures were dropping and winter was creeping in. I was laying next to you while we spoke  when you asked me to close my eyes and you kissed my lips ever so softly. I didnt know then what it meant or could have meant. All l knew was that it was the best feeling i could have ever felt. 

I didnt get the chance to understand then that the reason i watched you that first night in my dormroom was because i had fallen in love at first sight. Neither did i realise that the reason you chose me was because you had fallen for me too. Its unfortunate that we never got a chance to explore where this love would have gone. Perhaps we would have been married, living in a small house on top of a hill. I will never know.

I write to you because i have missed you so much and i never had a chance to say goodbye. The world is unjust and many memories fade but I will always remember you fondly. Rest in Peace.

With love

Joan

Reviews

[EnglishMajor55]

Your words allow the reader to see into your memory and feel your emotions - certainly have a way with words.

xx

[Joan Mcko]

Thank you :)