The Test

I'm going through some tough times right now and I just felt compelled to write this. I hope this touches whoever reads this.

I'm strugglin and I feel I wanna quit,
each day deeper and deeper I fall into this pit.
I'm screamin inside and nobody knows,
I really don't know how much farther I can go.
They say in life you should never quit,
but what they don't say is how far you can dig yourself into a bigger ditch.

Sometimes I see no way out,
demons in my head that won't stay out.
I wake up every morning feelin drained after sleeping,
at night no one knows but I spend so much time weeping.

I know God gives us strength to make it,
but I feel that has run out and I can't take it.
I ask myself, am I cut out for this?
Am I really who I thought I was? Am I not legit?
My self esteem has taken a blow,
if you haven't been through what I'm saying it's hard for you to really know.

I'm filled with pride so I don't wanna let my feelings show,
but if I don't how will I ever allow my pain to help me to grow?
I wish I were average and my name was Joe,
I would simply give up and let these tears flow.
I feel this test is too big for me,
I fear the price to pay is too big a fee.

Now I'm depressed curled up in a ball,
eyes so drowned in tears I can't see at all.
My eyes are pink from drowning in tears,
I honestly haven't cried this much in years.
Tomorrow is coming and I don't know if I can face it,
deliverance is escaping me and I don't know if I can chase it.

Do I stand still and throw in the towel or keep fighting?
If I didn't believe and wanted to give up why did I spend so much time writing?
You never know who you are until your back is against the wall,
that is the true test of the demons against us all.

Author's Note

Thank you so much for reading this. I am going through some things right now and I felt compelled to write so someone else might benefit from my pain. I truly hope you enjoy.