Get us out Alive

This is some of my old (un-edited) 1st person view work.

Get Us Out Alive

Written By: Johnny Lee (Spade)

 

Waking up from a much needed long sleep in a peaceful forest away from civilization, I stretched my arms out as I yarned and breathed in the great smell of the forest. As I stood up, the sunlight shined onto my face through the leaves in the trees, blinding me. I then looked up into the light for a moment and watched as six white birds flew through the trees. Finally stepping to my side away from direct sunlight, I turned my head to the left as I suddenly herd a noise from further inside the forest.

"Sounds like a woman humming." I said to myself as I journeyed towards the beautiful sound of humming.

Ducking under branches and stepping over grass and mud, I tried to be as quiet as I could for I won't scare whoever is humming away. As I got closer and closer to the humming, I ran my face into a spider web that was nearly invisible. As I closed my eyes and came to a quick stop, I stepped on a fallen branch and snapped it as it made a loud cracking sound. As I placed my right hand over my face, I then ripped the web off and tried to get it off my hands by smearing it on a close by tree. Continuing on my small journey to find out who was humming, my foot got caught in a small whole and I fell to the ground. My fall must have been kind of loud since the humming stopped. I then picked my face up from out the dirt and looked in front of me just to only see bushes and tall grass patch. As I was about to get up, I then herd more noises, it kind of sounded like faint screams, or faint hums from the other side of the bushes. I slowly and quietly crawled my way closer to the bushes, and then used my hands to open them some for I could see what was on the other side of them.

"Huh?"

I quietly whispered to myself as I looked through the bushes and tall grass.

"Wow." I said as I saw a beautiful young woman with long light blue hair blowing in the wind as she stood on a rock next to a pure clean pond of water with giant trees that grew from within. "She's beautiful." I said quietly as I looked at her dress that looked much more beautiful than a rainbow with all the colors.

I watched her as she smiled and took a step forward as she looked into the sky. As I looked upon her, I continued to wonder why she was out here all alone.

"What the?"

Looking at her, I then saw something on her back that was getting bigger and bigger until they stopped growing.

"Are... are those wings?"

Taking my eyes off of her wings for a moment and looking at her right hand, I saw a light blue light glowing from the palm of her hand, as if she knew some type of magic.

"Is she an angel?"

I wondered to myself as I couldn't take my eyes off of her beauty. Out of nowhere, I then herd quick footsteps rushing closer and closer from the other side of where she stood. As I looked on the land on the other side of the pond, I then saw seven soldiers in armor with swords getting as close to the water as they could. As the man in the middle took an extra step in front of his subordinates, he pointed in her direction and spoke out with a vicious voice.

"Seize that wench!! Kill her if she resists!!"

As two of the men jumped into the water, I looked at her as I saw fright on her face. She then took five steps backwards, turned around, then jumped over the water to land, and ran around in my direction to get on a path. As I then looked back at the men, I saw the remaining five run around the grass to catch up to her as the two from the water tried to cut her off. I looked back at her and saw that her wings were not going back into her. I wondered why they wanted to kill her as I watched as she ran in my direction. Getting closer and closer, the five men that chased after her on land were right behind her. Before she could take another step, one of the five men grabbed her by her left wrist and then pulled her to his body. I stayed were I laid as I watched, not wanting to get involved.

"You little b***h, how dare you reject the prince. You know what the penalty was if you refused to marry him. Death to you and your sorry excuse of a race."

She gave a quick faint scream as she squeezed her and looked at her with a smile.

"Maybe I shouldn't kill you. Maybe I should keep you alive for you can show me and my boys her a.... good time."

He said as he smiled while the other two men finally coming from out of the water. Even though they were close in my direction, no one seemed to see me, so I crawled closer to get a better view.

"Sir?" One of the lower ranking solders said to their superior as I quickly stopped, hoping that he didn't see me.

"What is it!?"

"Why not take her to the toucher room?"

"Not a bad idea, glad I came up with it."

The low rank soldier stood still as I continued to watch. Even though I didn't want to get involved, these guys made me sick to my stomach.

"Were going to have a fun time with you. Lets go!"

The leader of the soldiers shouted as they turned away from my direction and began to walk.

"What the!?"

The leader of the soldiers said as he looked down by his chin.

"HEY YOU!! HULT!!"

They said as they looked at me with my right arm wrapped around their leader's neck in a choke hold.

"Now how did I get myself into this?"

I asked myself. The leader of the soldiers let the young woman go as the rest of them drew their swords. As I watched, the woman ran behind me and I know wondered how in the hell I was going to get us out of this alive.

 

 

THE END

 

Author's Note

All Reviews are welcomed

Reviews

[R E Tree]

When I began to read it felt like you were having a dream. But when I carried on reading I realised it wasn't a dream. I liked the imagery of the birds and the forest. The picture you bring to my head makes me want to paint a picture of them as I like to paint. This really does draw attention to the reader it gets the reader thinking whats going to happen next. I need to know. When I read about the woman with light blue hair it made me think of the movie avatar I thought it was very imaginative.

[Blue Sky]

It's one of the finest I've came upon
Like a fairy tale revealed with very nice detailed plots
now I would like to know
how he was going to get out of this alive
I really enjoyed reading this! Very nicely created!

[.:Naiira Harlow:.]

It's still good even if its old and unedited. I still enjoyed reading this piece! Keep up the good work!
-Twilight

[Aldora Sparrow]

Really nice piece! I really enjoyed reading it. You have some great ideas and have much to share.
For some (hopefully) helpful comments, you should work on the technical stuff. There should be more paragraphs with a tab at the beginning. Whenever someone talks, it should be its own paragraph. Just a few spelling errors such as the "yarning" instead of "yawning" then you're golden.
Great job again and I look forward to reading your other writings!

[Pj]

I agree with Concrete Fantasy- the jumbled up paragraphs and spelling errors took a few elements away from the story- it was kind of a stumble...but regardless of that I enjoyed the story!
"a beautiful young woman with long light blue hair blowing in the wind as she stood on a rock next to a pure clean pond of water with giant trees that grew from within."

[Billy Rinker]

Other than a couple spelling errors that's cool, I'd like to see the end of the story if you write more.

[ConcreteFantasy]

The spelling and grammatical errors make the reading a bit of a stumble. The story itself has a great start it just a bit of tweaking needs to be done to make it a smooth ride.

Pros: Great job at pulling me into the storyline

Cons: spelling, grammar, and sentence structure

Keep posting! :D

[Joseph - Michael]

Just to tell you plain and simple; You just need to break the whole thing apart and make several paragrahs, along with more of the details. Also, just a thought to let you know this; When you're writing, just take all of the time you need and write things down slowly, then the writing will come out so much better

Anyway, it's all still good, so no worries...

[Ruby Moon]

just a few mistakes with the usages of her, here and he at some parts
you used whole instead of hole somewhere on the top where he tripped...
this is not the full story i assume?

[JC Fox]

I thought it was pretty decent, good job on this piece

[Robert Luna]

Very interesting story line I liked the direction you took with it and the story itself was compelling. I think with a little detail added here and there it would really paint a vivid image for the imagination. One thing I have to say though that a writer told me once you have to hook a reader within the first few lines to really hold the attention. Now please don't get me wrong I liked the story and I am not a story writer I write mostly poetry and such. I think as I read more of it I felt more connected to it, but I love to read. I think changing the beginning a little to hook a reader they would feel an instant connection to the story itself and the character.

But I Liked it and would love to see more.

Well Done!!!!!!