Wizards & Warriors~ Prologue

Prologue ©

            The night was dark and bitter cold. Camp firelight flickered, giving a little more light to the dark forest than the stars in the night sky graced the continent of Iris with. The crackling sound of the firewood continued to get louder and louder as it was almost time for the wood to descend. As the sound of feet drew near, the eyes of an org opened and noticed that he was tightly secured to an enormous oak tree by rusted steel chains that seen it’s fair share of work in the past. Looking forward and paying more attention to the footsteps and spotting two men walking through a group of mercenaries, the org chuckled slightly as a smirk slowly began to rise while the man with wild dark brown hair and blue eyes quickly approached him. Analyzing the wild haired man, the org noticed the man wearing a black scarf around his mouth, a tight black shirt that revealed the pattern of his shoulder, chess, and stomach muscles, and black ruff baggy pants that went as low as to the bottom of his black boots.

Taking his eyes off of the wild haired man and looking over him, the org watched as the leader of drunken mercenaries; who wore thin red light armor, walk over with a sword in hand slightly above the ground, barely clipping the tips of grass on the ground.

“What’s your name, comrade?” The drunken man in thin red light armor asked the wild hair man as he placed his free left hand on his right shoulder.

Slightly turning his head and looking down at the hand on his shoulder, the wild haired man rolled his shoulder, making the armored man remove his hand.

“The name is Roq Zabra.”

“Do you want the honors of slaying this hideous beast!?”

“What’s in it for me, comrade?” Roq asked as he turned his head to the leader of mercenaries.

“I tell you what, since I’m so generous, I’ll give you a small bag of coin.”

“Nay, I was just passing by. I’m not looking for any excitement tonight.”

“Where you headed? Roq.”

“That would be none of your concern.” Roq quickly answered with a snap.

“Well anyways me and my men want a show, so you’re not going anywhere until you kill that god damn org!”

The drunken lightly armored man spoke with aggression as he held the sword out in front of him and presented it to Roq. Turning and looking down at the fine tuned steel sword as he thought for a moment, Roq slowly closed his eyes as harsh winds blew past and traveled though his wild hair. Opening his eyes, Roq slightly tilted and turned his head as he placed his attention back on the org.

 “So you’re telling me all you want me to do is kill the org, right?” Roq asked the leader of mercenaries.

“That’s right, and here’s the sword you’re going to kill him with. Now go do it damn it! Have some fun.”

Having the hilt of the sword aggressively placed in his right hand, Roq looked forward at the short and fat green org as he smiled and nodded.

“I knew you’d do it!” The drunken leader said as he took a sip from out of his liquor pouch.

Gripping the hilt of the sword tighter and tighter, Roq slowly took seven steps forward on the dried and loud grass, towards the org as he let the tip point of the sword drag on the grass and dirt below. Stopping and standing face to face with the org, Roq took a deep breath then released a faint chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” The leader of mercenaries asked.

 “How about I kill all of you instead?” Roq asked as he lifted the sword and pointed it directly at the leader of mercenaries and quickly frowned. “Why would I take the side of humans after all they’ve done to me?”

“The side of humans?” One of the mercenaries muttered as he looked at Roq, knowing for sure that he was human himself. “What the!?” As the wind harshly

blew by once more, Roq’s wild brown hair glided into the air and revealed his ears and true nature.

“He’s not human! He’s a damn elf! Men…kill him too!”

All rushing in on Roq’s position, Roq leaped into the air then kicked off the org’s forehead. Quickly landing on backside of all the mercenaries, Roq quickly made easy work of the seven men before they could turn around to defend themselves, dropping them all at once.

“Damn it Roq, that really hurt you know!” The org scolded Roq as he turned around with a smile on his face.

“Why are you yelling at me?”

“Um… I don’t know. Maybe because you um…hum... stepped on my damn forehead!”

“Yeah…true, but you do notice that your still chained to the tree and I still have a sword in my hand, don’t you?”

Looking back and forth between Roq and the sword, the org finally got annoyed and turned his head away as he spat on the ground.

“Well? Are you going to let me down or what?”

“Naw!”

 “Roq!”

“Shut up, I’m coming!” Roq softly replied as he once again gripped his sword and smiled.

“Yo Roq, what you doing looking at me like that? Ogbarg asked with fright. “Quit messing around! Roq! Roq!”

Dashing over to the worried org, Roq gave the sword one good swing and broke the chain that held his companion captive. Falling to the ground on his hands and knees, Ogbarg looked up and forward to see that Roq was now positioned further away from him, down to one knee, and inside the pocket of the leader of the mercenaries.

“I’ll take this since you won’t be needing it anymore.” Roq said to the dead man as he pulled out a pouch, opened it, and found nothing but gold coins. “I guess that I’ll be doing some good shopping tomorrow. Thanks for the donation, you filthy hume.” Roq said to the man who laid dead and in his own cold blood. Slowly standing up and turning towards his companion, he placed the pouch in his pocket.

“Don’t I at least get a thank you Ogbarg?” Roq asked as he called the org by its name.

“Oh you’re so very kind my good sir.” Ogbarg said as he bowed to his friend then stood back up straight, looking at Roq with a crooked smile. Not able to hold it

in any longer, both Ogbarg and Roq busted out in laughter as they began walking down the forest path of Rizon.

“Roq, lets go find a place where we can get a drink.” Ogbarg suggested.

“I’ll rather find a place to lay down and rest for a while.”

“Bah! The hell with that. Let’s stay up all night and just find a bar to get some scotch. And besides, you now got some extra coin to carry, don’t you?” Ogbarg stated as he placed his right hand on Roq back and looked at him with a smile. “You’re going to keep that sword eh?” He asked as Roq stopped and examined it.

“…Yeap. Why? You want it?” Roq asked
“Come on now, what am I going to do with something like that?”
“Try to eat it?”
“What! You’re trying to make another fat joke, huh?” Ogbarg yelled as he jumped back and balled his fist.

“Put down your dukes.” Roq said with a sigh, and then continued walking. “Look at it, it looks sturdy and promising. And it’s fit for a great fighter, like me.”

“If that’s true, then how come it was so easy to kill that man over there with it?” Ogbarg asked as he pointed behind them. “That guy, the last owner of that sword you’re holding. You know, the one laying in his own worthless blood.”

 “Don’t compare him to me. I said a great fighter like me, not some filthy hume.”

“I see that you still hold a grudge over the humes eh?”

“Whatever.” Roq replied with another soft sigh.

 “You know, he maybe killed many orgs and elves with that sword.”

“Then I guess that I’m going to have to return the favor huh?” Roq quickly replied as he held the sword upward and examined it some more while walking.

Watching the blood from the mercenaries slide down the steel blade, Roq gave the sword a little wave, causing the blood to release the blade and be repelled off.

Licking his dry lips while he thrived for the taste of scotch, Ogbarg turned with the path and continued towards the nearest town there is and Roq followed behind and placed the tip of the sword on the ground, making a loud dragging sound with his sword.

“Please stop that damn racket Zabra.” Ogbarg complained as Roq lifted the sword and deeply sighed.

“You complain like an old man.” Roq replied with his own complaint.

“That’s because I am old!” Ogbarg yelled.

 “Ogbarg, you know what’s the nearest town around here is, right?”

“Yeah, the first town of Hidas…Navo.”

“Hidas, eh?” Roq asked as he stopped and looked down the path past Ogbarg.

“You had business there once before?”

Not answering the question as he squeezed the hilt of his newly proclaimed sword, Roq instead sighed and began walking a little quicker.

“Ogbarg, lets get going.”

Both picking up a little speed in their steps, Roq placed the sword on his shoulder and looked up at the stars in the sky, wondering why his fate is taking him directly to the kingdom of Hidas.

“Damn it all.” He said to himself as he looked at Ogbarg and watched as droll began to slide out his mouth, ready for a taste of scotch.

“Well make it there by morning.” Ogbarg said as he whipped the drool from his mouth. “Hopefully I can last that long without scotch.”  

 

Reviews

[Beth Holian]

This prologue is very intriguing, I must say. I don't want to nit pick over the whole thing, because there are other chpaters to read, but I was confused that you had the org called by his name before Roq addressed him, and I don't know whether or not that was on purpose. There are a few awkward sentences, but those can be easily fixed if you read the piece aloud. This will also help with the flow.

Great work! I look forward to reading more! :)

[Iris]

The plot seems good and original and the description is really good. There are, however, a few errors that you might fix to produce an entertaining read.
First, the language keeps changing in tone. I mean, there are some parts that sound old, medieval, but then immediately, it turns too modern for that era.
Second, you referred to the org's name before you actually told us it was his name.
Third, there are some grammatical errors. maybe you could re-edit your prologue.
Lastly, the story is intriguing and has a lot of potential. Wonderful work.

[R E Tree]

This has good imagery which makes it interesting for the reader. Describing the guy with the wild dark hair and blue was almost something I saw in a movie. I can't remember what movie it was. This is very fantasy like and very imaginative. I guess you do have a good interest knights, orgs and weapons. Sounds like I'm going be reading some action too.

[Lorraine]

I say it's a long start. But, I'm beginning to like Roq although he seems to have a little hatred towards humans. I think he's valiant, and strong. And I believe there's more to his character, he must have a dear reason for a man hater. By the way, I've noticed a few technical mistakes, but nothing too great to destroy the story. Good Job.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Jarrett]

Nice work, bro, very likeable piece.
Reminds me of the Forgotten Realms series.

[Jimmy.]

The style of writing you used makes it seem to modern, than it really should be. I found it a little dull in the action part. I really would have liked to hear what happened, when he started the fight with the humans. I did enjoy the descriptive nature of the scenery. I could almost imagine it in my mind. Just work more on details in the action part, otherwise it's a good piece of work.

[J.D. Pine]

Not bad. The dialog was too modern for the setting but other than that it was not bad at all. I'm interested to see where you are going with this story.

[Heidi]

there are a few gramer errors. i found some parts to be a little harder to fallow then others. be clear with your writing, you can never have to much detail, mostly when writing from and omniscient point of view. try hard to begin a mystery withing the prologue, they are meant to keep the readers interested. use some synonyms =] they make reading fun. otherwise good work =] ill try my hardest to read the other chapters. it make take me a while though.

[Done]

I think you have a good beginning here. It could use some some touch-ups on descriptions, nothing drastic. Example, "Watching the blood from the mercenaries slide down the steel blade, Roq gave the sword a little wave, causing the blood to release the blade and be repelled off." You might reword this to something like, "The fresh blood from the slain mercenaries seeped down the steel blade. Roq flung the blade sharply toward the ground, cleaning the blood off it." -- or something like that.

Also, watch out for misusing words. Example, "Licking his dry lips while he thrived for the taste of scotch" because the word 'thrived' means more or less to prosper, this word doesn't fit. I would write something like, "He licked his dry lips, still craving a shot of sweet scotch�" or something to that effect. Scotch may not be sweet, I don't know, I've never had it� haha! =)

The only other thing I would avoid, unless it was intentional, is using modern speech in the dialog for this particular setting. Example, "Yo Roq, what you doing looking at me like that?" Using the word "Yo" is something we say in modern day reality, but not something you might see in medieval fantasy speech.

None-the-less, a good intro. Hope this helps! Time to read the rest! =)

[John Parker]

I like the beginning to this work....I will continue to read.....been a long time since I sat down and read any dungeons and dragons type work.........I use to read dragonlance books all the time......kind of went away from it when I got more into the horror field but I do enjoy a good story of any kind.......can't wait to read further on with this work.......

[Gravedigger]

Did a good job on capturing my interest. This is the kind of genre I enjoy the most, so needless to say that wasn't very hard. The only thing I suggest is to watch how the dialogue is expressed. With banter Like
"Well? Are you going to let me down or what?"

"Naw!"

"Roq!"

Its fine, but be carful in areas like
"Why are you yelling at me?"

"Um� I don't know. Maybe because you um�hum... stepped on my damn forehead!"

"Yeah�true, but you do notice that your still chained to the tree and I still have a sword in my hand, don't you?"

Its fine, you don't need to fix it, but I just wanted to give you the heads up for future warnings. I have seen to many great stories that my own friends wrote get ruined from confusing dialogue.
Great job on this part though!
I look forward to more work from you....