February 1, 2012: Self-Motivation

February 1, 2012

Argument with Myself.

 

Honestly, I don't know what I'm writing.

My mind is just out of it.

I think I'm bipolar, just less severe than how it could be.

Happy one day, depressed the next.

It's like a cycle.

I need help.

I need a place where I can belong.

I hate it when I stress.

I don't like frowns.

They're not smiles, you know?
When I'm down, it shows.

I don't like that.

I need to fix myself up.

No stress anymore, at least not as much.

Oh, and definitely not over stupid reasons either.

I keep reading the letter I wrote to myself.

Motivating, but will it always help me?

Maybe, maybe not.

My mind is still blank.

I'm not sure what to do with myself.

Sleep the days away?

I did that enough.

Do something with my life.

Yeah, but what?

Whatever motivates me.

Whatever makes me smile.

Something that excites me.

What is this "whatever" and "something?"

I'll know when I obtain it.

I'd like to enjoy life while I still have one.

How will I do that?

I can't predict the future.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow.

Or next week.

Or next year.

How will tomorrow be a good day?

Simple.

I have to believe that it will be a good day.

Whether I smile all day.

Whether I maintain positive thoughts.

Tomorrow will be a good day.

How?

Why?

I will make it a good day.

No one controls my life but me.

Whether a day will be good or bad does not depend on anyone but myself.

Is this all senseless blurring?

I know you are tired...

No.

I don't think it is.

Though I am tired, I am clearly fighting one of many battles with my inner self.

My confident self is expressed in writings.

I never show my real self very openly.

Why?

That, I cannot answer, for I do not know the actual reason.

Maybe it is due to fear.

Fear?

Of rejection, though something so juvenile should not faze me.

Perhaps I long to be accepted.

Are you not surrounded by those who love you?

I suppose I am.

Funny how I fail to realize this.

It is painfully obvious, after all.

So then, why do you not smile more?

I wonder.

These inner conflicts I put myself through.

Either they are meant to help me.

Or they simply throws my faults in my face.

Faults or fears?

Both, I suppose.

My past mistakes tend to attack me, yes.

However, it is the pointless fears that plague my head, as well as my heart.

Pointless?

Yes.

These "fears" are nothing more than fake emotions that should not even be relevant to me.

My weight.

My hair.

My face.

Those things, especially weight, should not be so important.

Are they not essential?

They are, give or take.

However, it does not mean that they should allow me to focus on my negatives more than my positives.

Everyone is usually better than they merely assume, including myself.

Why do you think that?

I do not think it.

I believe it.

This part of me does, anyway.

Though I am unsure why the rest do not, they will in time.

How do you know?

It is because I see a bright and successful future.

I am constantly happy due to very few reasons to be sad.

I am in love, being loved in return.

I see my happiness being endless.

I am more beautiful because I am more happy.

When will all this happen?

I cannot say for sure.

All I can say, however, is that it will happen.

Just let A.R.K. do its magic.

A.R.K.?

One Act of Random Kindness.

Be kind, and you will see rewards.

Does it always work?

I would say so.

What if it doesn't?

If I was to show kindness to someone and they did not show kindness to me, then someone else will.

Is the world cruel?

It is only cruel if you believe that it is.

Life?

Again, it only is if you believe so.

Why?

That is the same as asking why humans were created.

Certain questions have yet to provide answers.

Your question is one of them.

I see...

Are you not tired?

I am.

However, this conversation will help clear my head.

Has it not done so already?

I suppose it has.

Will I read back on this?

You always do.

How will I feel?

I do not know.

Happy, sad, or bored.

It depends on you.

Do you think you've won this battle?

Honestly...

I know I have won.

How?

I am smiling.

My mind is more clear.

I feel relaxed.

Will you rest?

I suppose I should.

You should rest too.

Today was a bit of a long day.

Should I?

I expect great things to happen tomorrow.

You do?

We both do.

I do?

We are the same person.

You just need an extra push to Happiness.

How long will it take for me to be completely happy?

There is no rush.

However, the sooner you can love yourself, the better.

I can be happy?

You have always been happy.

You are just too shy to show it.

Many people want to see us completely happy.

Who?

Enough.

You have too much on your mind sometimes.

Take more risks.

Speak up more.

Gain a stronger confidence streak.

Become the you that you have always wanted to be.

Can I become you?

You already are me.

I am also you.

We are one deity.

One soul.

One human.

You just need to believe in yourself more.

How?

A.R.K.

Be kind?

Yes.

Smile, laugh, and never give up.

The only obstacle in life is yourself.

Do not lose to your fears.

I can win?

You can always win.

Life will be better?

Life is always better when you make it so.

Now, rest.

Rest?

Yes.

Rest, and awaken tomorrow with a more positive attitude.

She deserves Happiness.

"She?"

...

You.

Author's Note

I was having an internal battle with myself, and I wrote down my inner argument. The slanted writing is my weaker side, while the normal text is my confident side. I tend to show more of my weaker side, but my confident side is really kicking in.