The Unintentional Joys of Online Dating

Just a few observations made while participating on a well established dating site.

The Unintended Joys of Online Dating.

Saw a profile that belonged to Brie

Correct grammar was her cup or tea

Spelling was her concern but didn’t notice the burn

of spelling the word ‘emotional’ with a ‘c’

 

Recognised a girl who was an agency temp

Whose type was skinny guys partial to hemp

Long hair an onus and tattoos were a bonus

Until she’d married a dead ringer for Ross Kemp.

 

An ‘Insta Queen’ was looking for a king.

All the boys her ‘milkshake’ would bring.

She wore next to nowt, every pic had a pout.

Wonders why guys only want her for one thing.

 

Another was a girl called Jess

Who said men had made her life a mess

She was no pushover and her ex she was well over

Only the pics were of her in a wedding dress.

 

One girl wasn’t right in the head

Caring and loyal so her profile said

Being asked her name, must have driven her insane

As I was blocked before her reply was ever read.

 

There was a girl who was an absolute darling

But her vanity was on a scale of alarming.

She said “don’t waste my time, unless you’re a 9.”

Never did a girl less deserve her Prince Charming.

 

One of the most blatant offenders

guilty of being the worst of pretenders

Wrote a lovely profile, in an innocent style

But the pic was of Ronnie from Eastenders

 

Poor girl claimed men always jilt her

Seemed her confidence was out of kilter

I’m sure she was pretty, which is more of a pity

As she hid her face behind a snapchat filter.

 

Conversed with a beauty who was ambitious

Her profile didn’t seem all that suspicious.

She said the sex will be great, If I could facilitate

2 grand to appear for her in Mauritius.

 

Most chats are enjoyable which is great.

With people that intrigue and fascinate.

But hopes you will dash and they go in a flash

If you ask “Would you like to go out on a date?”

 

I acknowledge the worst fact by far

Which is sad and borders on the bizarre.

Like a plague of the pox, in every woman’s inbox

Are enough d*ck pics to embarrass a porn star.

 

There once was a guy on POF called James

Who didn’t have any luck with the dames

So to take the p*ss, wrote a profile like this

But in doing so any chance that he had…went up in flames.

Author's Note

All 100% true, just a bit of fun.

Reviews

[JackValor86]

This is a really honest and gritty poem. Don't get me wrong, it paints a certain angle on women and men, but the verses are about specific women. And you say you actually knew these girls? That second last verse packed a punch. I liked it.

[swearwolf]

Thank you very much. All genuine profiles I had some interaction with.