The parcel

A man receives a mysterious parcel

It was midday when Barry waters finally woke up, after a heavy night of drinking to drown his sorrows after losing nearly all his money in a poker game.   Barry just about to make a black coffee, the doorbell rang. " Christ, I'm coming ",  he shouted. Barry was had short fuse when he been drinking.  He opened the his front door, nothing there. He thought it was prank call from his neighbours brat son. He looked down on his porch, there was a medium size parcel.

With the words " to Barry waters please open me"  Barry bewildered, he gingerly picked up the parcel, and walked into his backer lounge. The lounge was filled empty beers, ashtray with cigarettes butts, dirty clothes tossed on the floor,  even cockroaches didn't want to live there. Barry placed the parcel on his makeshift table, two empty paint tins as tables legs and half of a broken door as a table top.  Barry opened the parcel with such speed faster than roadrunner.

To Barry dismay, the parcel was in a fact a leather note pad.  On the note pad there was a message" dear Barry,  ever wanted to be rich"?  Barry opened the notepad. The notepad contained a future lottery numbers, the winners of champions league, how to win at poker, but in small writings, beware Barry greed has its price. Barry was overcome with pure esctasy. He quiickly got into his causal attire. Which consists of faced black trousers and vivid Hawaiian sleeves shirt. He ran to the nearest bookies, and placed £200 on upcoming champions league final, he ran to the post office a bought a lottery.  At night Barry watched the champion league. He his utterly dumbfounded his team won. Barry pockets over £40,00. Then he switched to the lottery channel. The host read the lottery number. Barry was about to have a coronary. He just won £5 million. With in a week Barry fortune doubled, he won countless poker games and the lottery three times. Barry moved from his council house into a mansion. Barry had expensive escort girls from Russia, bought the finest cuisines, even a Ferrari from deposed Nigerian dictator.  Anything Barry touched turn into gold. Paul kelso a sleazy tabloid reporter who specialism in trashy stories ranging from UFOs sighting,  my husband has a fly fetish and lottery winners. Kelso was invited for the party.  Kelso dressed in a cheap silver suit, his hair gelled back. He oozed sleaziness.  Kelso ," Barry what your secret of your fortune"?. Barry" well I'm lucky". Kelso in sarcastic tone" I'm so happy for you,  I like to have a proper interview with you , maybe next monday?". Barry " that be fab". Barry left kelso to attend his party. Kelso" pure white trash".

The party was in a swing, there was jazz band, waiters carrying unusual types of canapes. The party was filled with beautiful, rich and famous people. Barry loved every second of it, nothing could ruin this party. Then suddenly the front doorbell, Barry looked inquisitive he what not expecting anymore guests. He slowly opened the front. He was greeted by a man dressed in a dark suit, wearing sunglasses. He face lacked real figures almost skeletal looking. The man " hello Barry I'm glad you received my parcel". Sweat rolled down Barry forehead. Barry" who are you, what you want from me?". ,The man " my name is not important, but my employer very upset with you"! . Barry " who you employer, why is so upset with me?" . The man" my employer called Mr. Cuifer,  did you read the small, greed had it price!". Barry was frozen by fear, pissed himself. The man" greet a sin, Mr. Cuifer owns your soul forever". Barry collapsed. 

" Good morning, Barry don't be alarmed,you had a nervous breakdown,". Barry was in a hospital. Barry" doctor where im".  Doctor" this a secure centre for people for with mental illnesses, you had a terrible breakdown you nearly overdosed yourself". Barry was state of shock. Doctor " Barry my name is doctor Cuifer, greet is a terrible sin". Barry screamed for mercy. 

Doctor Cuifer spoke with the ward sister" Mary  personally think Barry safe here, very sad story all that winnings caused Barry breakdown, goodnight Mary.   Ward sister " good night doctor"

Reviews

[Salem Gray]

Neat story! It had an interesting premise and some very intriguing characters. My biggest advice is to just be a little more careful with grammatical and syntactical issues. Otherwise, wonderful job!