PROLOGUE

The United States, under supposed thrreat of terrorism, is put under a permanent state of Martial Law. Ruled by one man and his growing army, chances of escape are narrow... Even for Alita.

NIGHTFALL WAS FAST APPROACHING. With the moon hidden behind grey clouds and the fierce howling of the wind, a foreboding feeling swept over Alita’s flesh and left goose bumps in its wake. The unusual chill that filled the air mixed with the putrid stench of a thousand decomposing bodies filled her lungs, causing her nostrils and chest to feel as if she had swallowed acid.

 

A large stream divided the forest, water flowing rapidly to the west and going beyond the edges of the woods as if it, too, was running away from something. The lush patches of shrubbery were not enough to hide in, nor were most trees substantial enough to keep well out of sight, yet Alita continued to sprint farther south for a safe haven, a sanctuary in which they all could hide.

 

The soft, careful crunch of broken twigs and fallen leaves alerted Alita of their advances and hastily she examined her surroundings looking for something " anything " that could help her stay out of sight. The others seemed to have the same thoughts for they, too, were frantically searching the forest.

 

Alita ran as fast as she was able whilst trying to avoid making any noise that might alert them to her and her companions' whereabouts. Her vision began to blur, the others turned to streams of darker colours and faintness was slowly overwhelming her.

 

There was a sudden, deafening ringing that caused Alita's three companions to stop and press their hands to their ears, faces scrunched up in agony. Though her companions had been strongly affected by this ringing, Alita remained upright and focused on their survival instead of the pain.

 

Her eyes came to rest upon an oak tree with a thick trunk that reached all the way past any other. It certainly was stable enough to hold all four of them, and it was definitely tall enough that they would not be caught unless their enemies knew they would take refuge there, which was unlikely. So, seeking the attention of her companions, she whistled in a way disguised as a bird’s twitter; she placed her fingertip to her lips as indication for silence and then, with the same finger, pointed toward the large tree beside her. All four of them craned their necks to glimpse at the full height of the tree before realization claimed them.

 

Hastily, the others made their way to the tree and together, as a team, they assisted in helping each one climb aboard. The peeling bark dug into their backs and the branch they all sat upon was not as sturdy as they'd hoped, but it was enough to hold them all steadily enough. Various insects nestled themselves in their clothing and crawled all over their flesh, but not one of them moved; no one even dared to make a sound. It was not their ideal place to hide, especially since that should they be seen, there was nowhere to run, but it was the closest thing they could grasp. The Siros were gaining momentum and there was no more time to run.

 

An eternity seemed to pass before the foreign yet familiar noise of speech resonated through the woods and all four held their breaths in waiting. Metallic armour banged and rubbed up against each other, making Alita and the rest cringe, and the chainmail rippled along with it as each thumping footstep grew louder and so strong that the ground began to quake.

 

Thud. Thud. Thud. The Siros' feet exuded uniformly, a sign of a well-trained army that sounded rather similar to chants of death. They were nearing, ever so suspenseful and with great intent. Their footsteps marched to the beat of Alita's pounding heart, pushing against her chest so violently she felt a bruise forming.

 

Suddenly, there in the distance, she could see a large moving object glistening and her heart ceased to function momentarily before it restarted at double the speed.

Reviews

[Adam, the Grub Street L..]

I could picture everything vividly and certainly saw the piece in very visual, cinematic terms. Starting with a prison break and filling us in later is always nice, I love a bit of media res and it is clear you have each moment very clear in your head.

I would suggest that you look a little at the piece though to smooth over a few contradictions.

For example, the first paragraph has 'disturbingly grey' clouds that cover the moon, something I'd consider an advantage were I trying to escape being seen. Also the chill of the air and the burning of the throat seem to contradict each other - I know they do not technically, but having the burn and the chill in the same paragraph seems a bit too much temperature words. Finally, the last part of the first paragraph has the phrase that it felt like she had 'voluntarily swallowed acid', which made me wonder if it was different to involuntarily swallowing acid.

So, a vivid and visual piece but a fine tune would improve immeasurably.