Light

For my father and my "fiancee"

No one warned me that the dying light of my childhood would shake me so badly,

Or that the time would slip through my fingers in painful throngs like blood excised from my own wrist.

No one told me that I would no longer be loved.

No one told me that I would become this, such a dutiful, lonely person.

Already I find myself so very very lost on the world I have yet to encounter.

I find no comfort in his hand's, the hands that worship my body and drink my every word like a fine wine.

I find no comfort in my mother's words, her time tempered advice wearing at my soul like the eroded hillside I wander.

I'm confused.

So very lonely and confused.

Drowning.

Drowning in this dark churning sea that sees, it sees everyone but me

And so quickly I am sinking.

I am confused.

God I am so very very confused.

I want to regress. Back to a time when my mommy held me and my prince charming was so close in my dreams,

And daddy called every Saturday to tell me stories and tell me "I'll be home soon baby girl..."

But I can't.

It's gone.

And so very near do I see the death of me,

While everyone drinks of my vitality "Your life has only just begun!" they cheer

But why do I feel a thousand years old in a young body that aches and hungers all the time

That collapses every day and every night into fits of silent hysteria

Daddy you never told me growing up would be this bad...

They said I'd be beautiful and fulfilled and see nothing but the hope and prospects they see.

He said he'd marry me when I become an adult.

But I see nothing beyond tonight when my dreams tear at my eyes and my fingernails claw into darkness,

Trying so desperately to swim to the light I can't even see

But if everyone insists it must be there

Then it must be there

Right?

Reviews

[Brett Hernan]

To be brutally honest this poem took flame in me at this part,

'I want to regress. Back to a time when my mommy held me and my prince charming was so close in my dreams,
And daddy called every Saturday to tell me stories and tell me "I'll be home soon baby girl..."
But I can't.
It's gone.
And so very near do I see the death of me,
While everyone drinks of my vitality "Your life has only just begun!" they cheer
But why do I feel a thousand years old in a young body that aches and hungers all the time
That collapses every day and every night into fits of silent hysteria
Daddy you never told me growing up would be this bad...
They said I'd be beautiful and fulfilled and see nothing but the hope and prospects they see.
He said he'd marry me when I become an adult.
But I see nothing beyond tonight when my dreams tear at my eyes and my fingernails claw into darkness,
Trying so desperately to swim to the light I can't even see
But if everyone insists it must be there
Then it must be there
Right?'

There it became universal. Anyone can relate to the problems that you've put as they themselves are also perfectly universal.
The ills that you speak of in the beginning are aptly put and say immediately what your heart was telling you, and especially does the search for light.