Your Syllables

I revamped a poem I wrote about a friend I met in the Mental Health Unit, of whom I found had passed away.

My heart aches and swells at every reminder of you, 

And inside these memories all I want is to hold you,

To wrap my arms around you, never to let you go.

I miss our old chairs

Because it has become harder to picture you sitting here, 

Smiling with an open hand waving at me.

But still, 

                   I know 

       Exactly how tall you were because 

The memories of you walking next to me 

Are so vivid I cry each time I hear you speak.

And, although I cannot recall precisely what you said,

I know the pitches of your voice,

        the rhythm within your words,

             the cadence inside your laughter.

And I cry.

Each tear, a wandering kiss, reflects another memory

Locked in our asylum from where I wish we never escape.

Each tear, a clearer picture. I don't want them to stop,

Because this is when I get to be with you.

My eyes clenched shut, they’re open wide inside my mind, you sit here,

In our chairs, alone, coloring at our table, in your greens, 

And me, standing across, in my jeans; it’s quiet.

The TV’s off, and we’re all alone, only the murmur of the ice machine beside us.

“Skipping group?” I ask.

One syllable - a pause - it was faint, as if you said it with reservation

Three syllables - the first two, although still faint, clear,

         the third with a dash of angst, a half step lower than the others 

         but all three, equal length, sung in a triplet.

And because of the way my eyes squint whenever I laugh, 

You smirk and sing to me, 

           “Franco...” 

Two syllables, always for me, 

Only for me, always with a smile,

But their timbre, a somber accent.

Silence - our inaudible, minor crescendo.

You spring to the game-shelf 

And return to me 

My yellow Uno card 

Your name,

Your number,

Your hand-drawn heart.

We embrace.

My left around your hugging arms, my right upon your shoulder. We sway.

The euphoric scent of jasmine soap stirs within your hair, soft against my cheek.

- dont let go never let go please dont leave me - 

Your heart a gentle rhythm beats inside my chest. 

- dont want it to stop dont want it to go away please just stay - 

We break our embrace, but gift each other two hopeful syllables.

Painfully, you fade.

My eyes have opened and I am alone.

Our memory airs upon my cheeks.

Two sets of three syllables, 

Inside my mind, drown out any others.

Two sets of three syllables -

Every single one for you.

Two sets - both yours, only yours.

They scream inside my mind, and I writhe throughout my sleep.

I’m exploding at the seams because they only get louder. 

And I can’t throw them away, or pass them off to someone else, 

Because they’re yours, 

Only yours, always yours, only matching your deep-green eyes, 

And I dare not forget because I don’t want to stop being reminded of them 

Looking at me, smiling at me, slightly closing when you call me

My two syllables.

Two sets,

Three syllables,

Each and every, 

All and only

These chaotic syllables,

I love y u, I miss y u, I love y   u, I miss y u, I love y u, I mi   ss y u, I love y u,  I miss  y u, I love y  u, I miss y u,           I love y u, I miss y u, I lo  ve y u, I miss y u, I lov       e y u, I miss y u, I love y u, I m  iss y u, I love y u, I miss y u, I love y     u, I miss y u, I love y u            , I miss y u, I love y u, I miss            y u, I lov  e y u, I miss y u, I love y u, I mi ss y u, I love y u, I miss    y u, I love y u, I mi  ss y u, I lov   e y u, I     miss y u, I lo ve y u, I miss y u, I l  ove y u, I miss y         u, I love y u, I miss y u, I           love y u, I miss y u,     I love y u, I miss y u, I love y          u, I m iss y u, I lo  ve y u, I miss y u, I lo  ve y u, I miss y u, I love y u, I   miss y u, I love y u, I miss y   u, I lov               e y u, I miss   y u, I love y   u, I mi ss  y u, I love y u, I m      iss y u, I love y u, I miss y u, I love y u, I m  iss y u, I lo    ve y u, I miss y u,   I love y             u, I miss y u, I love y u, I miss y u, I love y u, I miss y u, I love y u, I miss    y u, I love y u, I miss y u   , I love               y u, I miss y u, I love           y u, I miss y u, I love y u, I miss          y u, I love y u, I miss y u, I love    y u, I miss y u, I lov    e y u, I m    iss y u, I love y u, I miss y  u, I love y u, I miss y u, I love y u, I miss y u, I love y   u, I miss y u, I lo               ve y u, I miss y u, I l      ove y u, I miss y u, I lov                e y   u, I mi ss y    u, I lov e y u, I mis   s y u, I love y u,  I m    iss y u, I lo  v e y u, I m is    s y u, I love y u, I miss y u,

just for you, 

all for you,

I miss 

            y u.

I  love 

            y u.

Reviews

[mel_central]

You seem to have written my story! I fell in love with a boy at the ripe age of 16 after meeting in a psychiatric hospital for children. Our puppy love lasted but a few years. He was my first. I have many poems from those years, I now feel encouraged to post. I have "wonderwall" tattooed on my wrist in remembrance. Foolish as it was, but do I ever remember! He tossed me his name and number on a pepper packet in the lunch room. I still have it. You're a great writer. Thank you for this.

[Kibbles and Quips]

It's been a week since I saw your wonderful and all together unexpected review; I think you are overdue a reply.

That is a touching story you have, and I would cherish it like you clearly do. After reading your review I found it peculiar that someone so precisely could empathize with my poem. And, I suppose it wasn't just that someone could empathize and relate, but that I had never even considered it. How self centered grief can be!

I try to never push my writing onto someone else's page, so I'll save that for a more fitting avenue, but, given the shared subject, there is another I believe you would enjoy even more.

I thank you, sincerely, for writing this and relating to me some highlights of your story, and I hope, wholeheartedly, you remain encouraged and empowered to share your poetry. For, after all, a story is better read than written.

Thank you.

[Kibbles and Quips]

And, I don't know how, but I confused myself, thinking I was on your page. But it is mine! I will advertise here all I want!

The book is called The Circus and is largely a creative nonfiction piece centered on my relationship with Dawn.

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/JiiiveTurkay/1987283/

[mel_central]

Sorry for such the delayed response! I will most definitely look into The Circus!

[Kibbles and Quips]

haha 'delayed' might be an understatement here. JK! But, oh my gosh, The Circus has changed a bit since I posted this, and I cringe at the thought of someone reading an old draft. I'll have to do an edit.

[Anjali]

Thank you for sharing such an emotional, heartbreaking and touching story.

[Chris]

An emotion-filled vignette. Being set in a place where fragility and broken seem the norm ...is it a "madness" swirling inside or a reaching out toward a "healing" hope?

[bella]

Heart breaking and beautiful just the way true love seems to be

[Kibbles and Quips]

Thanks! I am glad you enjoyed it!

[KCthelastboyscout]

This is unique and very thoughtful. this is a sadness you might feel forever because that person touched your heart in a way that you will never forget .heartbreaking but well written

[Kibbles and Quips]

Thank you very much, and, like in the poem, I hope I never forget.

Thanks for reading. Super duper happy you enjoyed it!

[R.E. Ray]

Touching and heartbreaking. You so masterfully trigger our senses in this poem. I could see, hear, smell, and even feel the same, or at least imagine it.

You powerfully convey and delicately balance pain and compassion--a difficult task in a poem. Still, humility and love are what resonate with the reader. I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Kibbles and Quips]

Hey, dude! Sorry, I didn't see this review earlier. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am very happy you enjoyed it! And, please, don't hesitate to browse my other works!

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing use of words and thoughts. You made the reader believe your words and your thoughts. I liked how you used the repetition. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Kibbles and Quips]

Hi, Coyote! Thanks for stopping by and reading this! Glad you enjoyed!

[Coyote Poetry]

I did enjoy and you are welcome my friend.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

This was quite touching to read. It's always the memories which pierce us our souls when people we love pass away...
I love the fragmented structure of your piece and the story like memory you placed on the page with your words.
Beautifully melancholic write.

[Kibbles and Quips]

Hey! Thank you so much for reading this! I am so glad you enjoyed it.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're welcome :)