Catatonia

Anxiety, Exhaustion, Depression meet my friend, Insomnia.

Sunken weighted weakened shallow breaths,

an ambiance not unlike crashing, receding waves.

How I wish I was deaf.

Beneath placid comforters, where memories hide in silence,

where blood shot eyes wander barren black lands of Catatonia,

How I wish I could dream

Author's Note

This is actually unfinished, I might add another stanza or two. Also, I don't know the title yet. I merely chose Catatonia because it was the first thing that came to mind. But, like always, any feedback is oh so welcome.

Reviews

[mattavelli]

Hello, Handsome! :)
I enjoyed this poem. I used to have trouble with sleep, so I connected with it. I think the meaning in your first section is a bit too buried in the wording. I suggest changing the first line to -
"Breaths, sunken, weighted weakened shallow," -
Getting the noun in first gives the reader something to associate those adjs to.

[Kibbles and Quips]

Thank you very much, man! I did not think of that, though. What I had intended is to have that slight mystery on what those adjectives pertained to. Then, having divulged, the next line is meant to build up something more often perceived as relaxing or pleasant, only to cast those away by wishing it wasn't there, by wishing an infirmary or disability.

Enough with the exposition, though. Thank you for your input! I'll being mulling that over. Thanks, again!

[ReedWrite]

I love this piece...it is perfect.
I felt every word...and the imagery was there, and the emotion. Your words reach beneath the surface and grab the reader...making them face a reality few of us want to admit exists.

The depression that makes every breath a struggle...the white noise in your head to the point that you want to scream...burying yourself under the covers, without the will to face the day...and my favorite line: blood shot eyes wander barren black lands of Catatonia...that desolate place where the heart and spirit are unresponsive to everything but their own misery. Such a powerful piece, woven with finesse and skill. Beautiful.

[Kibbles and Quips]

Why thank you! This might be one of my favorite reviews I've received. Gotta love when someone describes a piece as "perfect" haha.

But thank you not only for the compliments but for evidencing that you read and understood the poem.

Originally, I thought of this as unfinished and intended to add another stanza or two. However, I do enjoy the succinctness of this current version.

Anywho, thanks again for reading and thank you for the compliments and comments! :)

[ReedWrite]

You're welcome...and if it were mine, I'd leave it as is. Sometimes, less is more. It says what it needs to say. It's impact is in the succinctness...it leaves you hanging, sort of...like you want more, but you don't need it. Maybe we want more to make the ending pretty...but somewhere inside, we know it's not, and that is the punch. Then again...lol...what do I know! Just an opinion. :)

[Kibbles and Quips]

Haha Well, I think we're on agreement with that opinion, though. I don't think I'll be expanding upon this. With slight tweaks here and, perhaps, there, I think it's just about perfect.

Thanks for weighing in and for your reassurance! :)