Anxiety- Part Two...

How my anxiety controls my life..

Ok so I'm now back home in my safe little corner of the world. After building up the courage to let my wife's family know that I'm bailing out on the family party ( felt more like a bloody rave ) after less than two hours ( I know shocking right ). Now don't get it twisted a party pooper i am not ! There was a time when I would drop everything just to get smashed off my tits as I used to call it but them days are well and truly over. In the hours leading up to the party my body decides to remind me just how socialy awkward and fragile I am. It's starts off with heart palpitations. Then my hands start sweating as I slingshot my self into a state of silent panic. The majority of the time I keep my s**t together on the outside. What I mean by that is I stay collective. My wife ( Daneeka ) will always know when I am suffering in silence. I guess you can't hide that from a woman who is your best friend and in my opinion the most fiercely loyal and honest humans I have ever come across. We both had our hearts ripped out by people who promised us a life commitment that they never intended to keep. I barely survived losing what I thought was my soul mate. The biatch in question turned out to be what I would call a narcissist. Anyhoo getting side tracked ( idiot ). Basically what I'm saying is I can't hide sweet f**k all from my wife. I am way off topic !
So yeah I'm playing it cool on the outside but on the inside I'm suffering. The solution you ask ? Rituals that if I don't complete makes my world grind to a complete stop. I clean and arange everything around me so much I could scream in frustration till my lungs pop. So inside s***s starting to pop off and everything is in motion for what will be for me a pretty s****y experience. We ended up being some of the first to arrive at the venue/con club. Basically a stupidly small building anyhoo now I got options. Time to find a seat that I can go sit in while I start to slowly die inside. So I'm sat down my world is crumbling to dust. My mouth is dry and my noggin starts to pound due to the music being so loud we had to read lips. My stomach starts to cramp up after the room start to gradually fill up with people who I don't know. I'm critical thinking over how I may have to shake someone's hand and briefly interact with. I get gassy for some reason and that takes the piss because I don't know of him going to burp or fart not that the noise of a fart would be a problem due to the music being so loud. After putting myself threw enough torture I asked my wife to take me home. So I get home and it's like the air is not as thick and heavy anymore! Kettle on / brew + hot water bottle for my tummy. I sent my wife back to enjoy the night with her family who are bloody awesome I must say. Anyway I'm nakerd to the point I can't type so I'm tapping out.
Stay humble x