Life, God, and the Universe

Experience the moment as my journey of self rediscovery began.

I don't really know how to describe what has happened in the last month. It truly has been quite insane.

Everything has been falling into place incredible fast, so fast I've been having a hard time keeping up. It's a lot so I'll describe what happened since Friday.

I was working and I was called to help a lady who had fallen. When I got there she was obviously on the floor, but she was unconscious. When I went to look for a pulse on her wrist she was ice cold. I immediately switched. I grabbed a blanket and covered her up and held her hand. So many things about my life started rushing through my head. And all I could say to her was, "I know it must me scary, but you're gonna be ok." I then leaned over her, put my hands together and started praying to God so unbelievably fast I don't even remember what I was saying to it. EMS finally arrived so I had to leave her and continue on with my life.

(Side note. I don't believe that there is ANY possible way God can have a gender. I think that God operates on a plain of existence that we, as humans, cannot understand. I believe God could possibly be some sort of divine energy running through the universe and that it created the earth and life as a piece of art. I believe that when an artist creates art, he or she is expressing their emotions through it. And in turn it evokes those emotions upon those who view and experience it. I believe that that is what our lives are, art by God, and whatever "it" is, is also feeling all of the pain, sadness, and despair in the world. But that means it also feels joy, love, ecstasy and above all unconditional love. And if our lives being a piece of art truly is the case, then we are by far the most amazing piece of art that humanity has ever encountered.)

So anyways now that we're back on track. One of my roommates and I were sitting and discussing what really happened and how I felt about it. And a suggestion came up that when I said those words to her, I was actually holding the hand of myself and saying those words. Then something instantly clicked. I remembered the EXACT moment when my soul became unhappy and the conditions that caused it (you don't need to know why). I must have been looking up at the sky, because all I could see was blue and there was trees in the bottom of my vision. Then it started.  I couldn't control what I was seeing, feeling or saying. I LITERALLY started reliving everything that had ever happened after seeing the blue sky with the trees. I wasn't in the room with my roommate anymore. I was screaming and crying. They were holding my hand and talking to me to try and get me to come back to the room. I also relived my overdose/near death experience, experiencing and living what I felt and thought during those moments for the first time ever, which was incredibly frightening. But I feel as though that needed to happen so I can begin to understand why. And I feel like everything, and I mean EVERYTHING that has happened since I moved to Calgary has been leading up that bizarre event that I just described.

Now that I'm calm and have an understanding of what was happening. I feel like I had a life review. I don't know what I feel now, but I feel as if all of the negativity in my soul was released and that their was some sort of demon holding me down. We were laughing about it afterwards. My roommate said it truly did look like I was preforming an exorcism on myself and they said they were waiting for my head to spin around. LOL.

What I've gained out of all of this, I'll try to put it in words, is that I made a connection with my old self, now feel love again, and that I have a true appreciation and understanding of the delicacy of the most amazing piece of art ever designed.

Life.

Author's Note

And I just want to say that it wasn't only me and that lady who contributed to this experience. I've had help from EVERYONE in my life. And no matter how big or small of a role you played leading up to this point, I just wanted to say thank you from the deepest parts of my soul. Because without all of you guys, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Reviews

[Erik Daniel]

What a powerful story and a great testimony! I enjoyed your description of God. Really made me think. I look forward to reading more of your work.