A heartbreaking read with a defiant and almost uplifting ending. In the sense that they can hurt you but they can't ruin your spirit and despite all the hurt you still love them and life. That's a powerful and thought provoking ending. This piece is very good however I'd try working on opening your poems with more intriguing and unusual opening lines. Rather than saying in the opening line 'Tears fall or I am grieving or weeping. Let the rest of the poem say that in the emotions you express later in the poem. You need a less obvious opening. That said you write well.
We have to Allow it to mend in time
every day i know how this feels,
But if we don't let it go it will eat us alive inside
and festor within our spirit and Darken our heart.
i have learned to give my pain to jesus to God ask him to
help me heal it every day and writing poetry helps me
let out the pain and the emotions i have learned to
control my emotions and they are more balanced
and i sheild my heart more we must protect our hearts
cause we are the only ones that can do this no one else can do
it for us.
Many have died of a broken heart so never give up
on leting the heart heal and don't let a broken heart stop
us from loving some one cause it stops us from loving the
ones that truly do care for us and the pain makes us blind to that
some thing i went through it is no fun.
Love is a beautiful thing don't push it away God bless lily
this Touched my Heart very beautiful yet sad Piece very Heartflet BRAVO
it's a sad write...i always feel for a person in such despair...you will find your enlightenment with time...one that is self reliant...age will temper your pain...and it is good to see you doing something creative with it...
I hear the pain in the words, definitely. However, I feel as if the wording is too common, too plain, and does not match the distress you are speaking of. I encourage you to ponder this piece and review your spelling and grammar. Those are distractions to readers wanting to comprehend your writing fully. I'm a complete typo-queen, so I totally understand how they can vex us. My apologies if these were purposeful.
I would encourage you to continue reading from writers you relate to, that share your style, and attempt to emulate them. Keep asking for reviews. Take whatever grain of help you can from them and chuck the rest. We all learn from others and should never stop. I think you have good potential. Now is the time to hone your skills and refine your talent. Best wishes to you.
-Sarah
P.S. If you would like a more in-depth review, send me a message and we can go over it more thoroughly. Keep writing, dear. :)
I shared very similar feelings and sometimes regress back into the madness that is lonely...but once you realize how there ARE other options it brings the light back into your world. Awesome poem, very easy to relate to from my stand point.
I'm sure everyone can relate with a memory of some point in their lives... and with more to come. This is one side of the story, the rough, dark and lonely side but there's also the reverse; the moving on, finding new loves and happiness.
I noticed twice in your opening stanza you put "is" where is should be 'has'
"Feels like my heart is been broken"
"is been abused and damaged..."
Everything in this poem is in the past tense so you need to use is (which is present tense) in te past aswell, which of course, is 'has'
Anyway, Iliked the poem. Some strong emotions