Okaii, well the meaning behind the poem is beautiful. But, the poem as a whole feels a little choppy. Maybe if you move some words here and there the flow will become great. Also, in the fourth stanza, first line, "is it" should maybe be changed to "it is." There is a lot of parallelism in this poem, not that that particular use of figurative language is bad but in this poem's case it hinders the emotions rather than them. Other than these things this was a great poem but a little revision can always help. :)
♥E
Beautiful sentiment, but, as Eka wrote, in need of some revision. You have a tendency to switch tenses in the middle of a line, which makes it more difficult to read. For instance in the first lverse itry
"You made me cry,ran away and left me,
Just left me because I loved you."
I loved you but you didn't love me,
I will never get a love from you."
I hope that makes sense, you are definitely a quality writer, and it is worthwhile to do a little editing. If I can be helpful in any way, just let me know via Inbox, please put the title of the poem on the subject line.
Your words ring true. Why does the heart still yearn? These feelings are more powerful than the logical conclusion. Though the body is capable of restoration, the heart continues to remain affected.
Do these emotions ever abate? Great poem, nice read.
Okaii, well the meaning behind the poem is beautiful. But, the poem as a whole feels a little choppy. Maybe if you move some words here and there the flow will become great. Also, in the fourth stanza, first line, "is it" should maybe be changed to "it is." There is a lot of parallelism in this poem, not that that particular use of figurative language is bad but in this poem's case it hinders the emotions rather than them. Other than these things this was a great poem but a little revision can always help. :)
♥E
heartbreaker....
this was a very sincere sounding poem to me about love unrequited. I love the imagery and the lines that you used here. Us that is just an illusion, sounded the most sad to me, like in simple words, everything painful was explained in those lines.
Good job!
-Yin
This was a nice piece.... I think that perhaps you could avoid repeating yourself a bit, and checking the grammar, but otherwise, this was excellent... nice emotion. :)
It's a great poem,
one where people can relate to,
I have the luck of not experiencing this first hand
but I can relate to what it says so...
yeah it's written really well
Keep up the good work
Greetings