The Secret

The Secret

By: Jas Alejandrino Ramos

 

That moment when someone just pulled out that bullet from your heart,

Felt so good but it hurts,

Hurts like a scar

Wounded with fear,

Fear that I might be losing you,

Losing someone that I love

Like a vampire afraid of the twilight

Wishing before the sun breaks another day

I’d still be there with you like the sky that never fades away

Will you still give me that comeback stare?

That look that makes me stay for a while

Will you love me even in all my miseries?

Even in my dark side

Even if you already knew

And even when my mouth has already spoken,

Spoken the secret that you ought to know.

Reviews

[Gianna Dale]

I really like the concept. It seems to me that writing and publishing this piece helped you drop some emotional weight, which is fantastic. The only issue with that is that it was maybe more for that purpose than to make it a solid poem. It could use some fluidity, maybe some conviction. I really do like the concept and think that you should continue with it in future works (:

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

thank you!:)

[Gianna Dale]

You're welcome! (:

[Brook]

I really like this, very well written.
Good stuff :)

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

thank you! :)

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid read and write...Thank you for penning...:)

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

thank you! :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[Cassiopia Summers]

I can really connect with this piece. Its a great start, but I do think the flow and fluidity could be worked on more. Other than that, I really enjoyed this piece! Keep up the good work!! :)

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

thank you! :)

[Cassiopia Summers]

You are welcome! :)

[SimpleMind]

Yes!! You should be love despite all miseries.. it won't be love if it's only the goodness in you. Great poem!

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

thank you! :)

[khalid]

very nicely penned. we all have our secrets, some secrets never go out of the person and die with them, some stay with few friends...the worst if we tell a secret to a friend and then they tell it to others...
i liked how you have penned this..

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

thank you! :)

[TL Boehm]

And even when my mouth has already spoken,
Spoken the secret that you ought to know. Stellar lines here. Wonderful poem.

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

thank you! :)

[Ama May Cooper]

An interesting a very emotive piece. Affection clearly a main theme, i am rather fond of this piece i love the innocence and honesty about it, a gentle desperation almost for the one the protagonists loves

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

thank you!:)