1AM

I am literally very sorry, I will NOT be able to read up all the read requests for poems. I do appreciate all those who sent in the requests, I will try to read most of them. Enjoy.

It's 1 am, it's raining
Shards of ice upon my arms
Washing over the knife
That holds your blood
Forming a pool below
Of the inky tar
That glistens with the water
Like the night sky
Burning with a thousand stars
And one of them
Was your face
That i stuck on the sky
Because i loved you
And i killed you.

Author's Note

Honest criticism appreciated, as always :)

Reviews

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

An incredible write you have here, Jharna.

[Stonz P.]

Woah, the guys should stay clear of you.
The darkness is there and it has the capability to present itself as haunting. And the flow is even-steven too.

One advice: The last line can be improved upon or removed. The imagery in the piece is enough to invoke the suspense and deduce the aftermath.

[xDalliance]

Haha, I'm not sure about your first line.
Yes, I know, the last line is somewhat detached and does not kinda fit, maybe the flow in my head made me write it. Yet I feel it's necessary, because the kill is the cause of the love here. I'll try to alter it, of course. But thank you so much, I love it when people are honest.

[Stonz P.]

More like constructive criticism. I am here for that and expect nothing less from others.
Will be glad if my words can help your piece reach its destiny :)

[alan khan]

these words are incredible. dark and simple. the first couple of lines really wrapped around me. i really enjoyed this.

[xDalliance]

Thank you, really.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

Very dark and Brutal OUCH!


sounds like there is a lot of
pain in your words nice work.


Blessings. Benita.

[xDalliance]

Thank youu, Benita!

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

You're welcome. very raw and open write I enjoyed reading. blessings. Benita

[Frieda P]

Brutal, but sometimes you need to be...the ending is a bit abrupt but it works perfectly here, like the air supply being cut off. Ouch, that fine line...love/hate.

[xDalliance]

Haha thank youu, Frieda. Nothing means more than a review by you!

[Mayank]

This is cold blooded. I like the psych imagery here, but you can make it more raw.
For e.g - The inky tar of your blood turned ice pinkish red
As I mourn our memories, return and fade.

Yet, this was an amazing read, the comparison of dead man and star was perfect.

[xDalliance]

Hi there! Thank you. I would have loved to take up your suggestion except that I don't really think you'll be able to see anything at 1 AM with heavy rain, yeah? Anyways, thanks again. :)

[Simran Kewlani]

I feel you are beginning to write like me. We should definitely write a collaboration sometime. :)

[xDalliance]

Hahaha no no, my style is completely different from yours xD Anyways, I'd also like to do a collab with you :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Wow girl you killed them? Lol.Godmother's kidding.Missed you girl hope all is well.This was a dark piece very well written J.

[xDalliance]

Aha, yes. Read my 'About me' on my profile, you'll get to know ;) Anyways, thank you, V. Hope you're good too.

[Vidya Bacchus]

I am good girl and welcome back!!!

[xDalliance]

Haha thank youu. I'm glad to be back :)

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Hmm nice :) I think you did a real good Job writing this :) Really enjoyed this read

[xDalliance]

Oh, thank you.

[xDalliance]

Oh, thank you.