Can you find me here?

Can you find me here? 

In this dark black place

Can me save me now,

And give me solace?

I'm bound to this, 

this world of lies

I can't make sense 

Of all those cries

I feel they're mine 

Yet seeing you there 

It confuses my mind 

Don't you care?

 

My vocals now stripped 

The place still doesn't fit 

But why still you stand, 

Surrounded by the monsters that sit?

Author's Note

Honest reviews needed! If this, in any way disinterests you, please tell me so :)

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is a wide open poem. You open the mind of the reader to many questions and thoughts. I like how you used the short paragraphs and questions. The poem made the reader want more. The who, what, where, when and how of the subject written. I like the poem. I like poetry that make the reader stop and try to figure the journey of the words. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[xDalliance]

Oh that was an elaborate compliment. Thank you! Just a flow of my thoughts :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Prabha Salimath]

Being a teen nicely you have written your impulsive feeling of strange surrounding of yours. Here nobody needs to find but you because its your inner world not looks as you see. May be through your words give it a try. I liked it.

" My vocals now stripped
The place still doesn't fit
But why still you stand,
Surrounded by the monsters that
sit? "
I like these lines a lot.

[xDalliance]

Hi there! Thank you so much! I really appreciate it :)

[KWP]

I can honestly say I like this very much.

Yes it makes you ponder deeper and further.

My only suggestion would be to read aloud and watch the word count on the last lines of the last two stanza's.

Nice one x

[xDalliance]

Yes I'll reread and try to make the changes necessary. Thank you, means a lot :D

[KWP]

Xxxx xxx love to you xx

[Saddam]

My vocals now stripped
The place still doesn't fit
But why still you stand,
Surrounded by the monsters that sit?

an interesting poetry...... great dear....you have done it very well.

[xDalliance]

Thank you Saddam! :)

[Saddam]

MY PLEASURE DEAR.... ALWAYS

[Vidya Bacchus]

I found this to be very profound goddaughter.Your anguish and pain is almost touchable in this write.You have gotten so good J.Godmother is so proud :)

[xDalliance]

Thank you soo much godmother Vi! Means a whole lot to me! :D

[Vidya Bacchus]

It is just the truth J.You are welcome :)

[Simran Kewlani]

It's amazing. I love it. (:

[xDalliance]

Thank you simayy! :D

[yash]

"Stand you with or without a care?" These line i couldn't interpret along with the last stanza, but the rest is a good piece of rhyming and melodious sentences reflecting deep thoughts of the inner self of the person. It was worth a read.

[xDalliance]

The line "Stand you with or without a care", here it means that I'm struggling in this place, screaming and in pain, and someone I trust is standing there looking at me. Is he standing there because I imagine I'm screaming or because he doesn't care? Just a little mystery used here. And in the last stanza, I clear the status of the person who looks at me. He isn't helping me because he doesn't care, because he has saved me by sacrificing himself to the monsters and that means he in a much worse place than me.
I know it's a little confusing, but I usually have difficulty explaining my writings. Anyways, thank you :)

[yash]

for sure i couldn't possibly would have brought myself to decipher that...

[xDalliance]

Haha yes maybe, as I said, I like to give the readers a little to think about what it might be. Looks like it just turned out to be confusing here. And yeah there's a correction, it's *I clear the status of the person whom I trust, it's NOT because he doesn't care but...". Sorry though, will try harder next time =))

[yash]

don't worry, just keep up with your work,,,

[xDalliance]

Thank you :)