The Heart-Ripper

It's about a.. Um, a creature you can say, who kills a man, eats his heart and then gets transferred to the body whose heart he is eating. He does this because his present body does not please him.

Blood in the chalice
The hell-bent body of ice
The lodged knife in the throat
The hellish laughter sounds in his moat

Incision near the heart
Ripping it out was an art
Gleaming hell fire eyes in the darkness
Gazing at the heart in all its horidness

That macabre scene
Pulling out the heart and eating through the bloody sheen
Soon the transfer was in motion
Leaving behind the other emotions

Seeing himself eat the organ
Senses flooding in, he remembered his shenanigan
He saw himself slump to the ground
The hell-fire gleam dying with the sound

He looked up at the mirror
Dislodged the knife in his throat without any quiver
Picked up his knife and crossed the unfortunate name
All the while looking in his hell fire, the same.

Author's Note

Honest reviews needed! :) Criticize it to the most.

Reviews

[KWP]

Good write - be careful with your rhyming there are lots of words that don't match. A good lesson I have learnt is not to rhyme for the sake of it .. same with plurals emotions, motion .. darkness, horridness - you write well with good concepts and the non ryming words distract you from the content ... just a thought :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Wow that was an interesting concept my girl.I enjoyed every macabre line true :)

[xDalliance]

Thank you so much Vidya! This means a lot coming from you! :D

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome :)

[Saddam]

ha....horrible write. I amezingly read it and think that it is new form of TRANSFORMATION.
Great skill you had provided dear. Well done.

[xDalliance]

Thank you so much! You too have amazing skills! :)

[Saddam]

thanks a lot dear.

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

Loved the poem, brilliantly written. :-D

Kaze~

[xDalliance]

Thank you so much Kaze! I was waiting for your review :)

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your welcome. Sorry I took a while to review. :-)

[xDalliance]

That's all right! It's the review coming from you that matters! :)

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

:-) :-) :-) :-D

[Zahra]

Nice gothic / horror poem, if this is what it's meant to be. I stay away from reading gore, which this one has mildly. But it is well written, skillfully told story. Very nice.

[xDalliance]

Hmm yeah it's a partial horror story. I've not tried to make the details too gory but it sure has a little gore in it! Thank you! I tried my best in this genre which is relatively new for me :)

[Simran Kewlani]

I cannot criticize this poem, it is amazing. The central idea behind the poem is pure and really good.

[xDalliance]

Thank you simran! Really appreciate your review! :)