Death at a GlanceA Story by RIO Lexi is completely fed up with life, with being ignored at home and at school and one day decides to end it. Little does she know that her decision carries acute consequences... Death at a Glance Heartache. Sorrow. Gut-wrenching pain. This is how I’ve felt all my life. I look in the mirror. I know what I look like; long, curly, unkempt hair. Pale and pasty with eyes that are far apart. Anorexic. But it is not my reflection that looks back at me. It’s Lissy; my only friend. “It ends today,” I tell her. “I’m ending all of it today.” “What? Wait!” I hear her say but I’m not listening. I walk to my bed and reach underneath my pillow. I pull it out. Lissy gasps. “Lexi…Lexi, don’t do this.” Her voice is shaky. “Please don’t do this,” she repeats, about to cry. I look at her, really look at her. She looks like me, only pretty and well groomed. She’s olive skinned and skinny too. I’ve always wanted to be like her. I notice that her mascara is smudged; she’s crying. I look away and stare at the object in my hand. It’s been lying underneath my pillow for two days now. Just lying. Lying in wait. Waiting for the day when I’m brave enough to do it. Now the wait is over. “Why are you doing this, Lexi?” Lissy asks. Her words suddenly ignite a fury deep within me. I’m fuming. How can she, of all people, ask such a question? “Why am I doing this?” I burst out. “Lissy, all my life I’ve been ignored. Invisible to the world, including Mum and Dad. I’m sick of walking past the hallway in school to the sound of sniggers from virtually everyone. I’m sick of that stupid psychiatrist telling me that I’m crazy. I’m sick, sick, sick. Sick of the world! I slide down to the floor, sitting against the wall. My shoulders shake uncontrollably and my breathing becomes harder. I’m very close to having a full-on panic attack. “Lexi, you don’t have to feel this way”, Lissy’s voice is full of emotion. “If you actually made an effort with your parents you’d see that they both love you and your little sister equally! You’re not invisible. Come on, no one even sees me. And that silly shrink doesn’t know what he’s talking about- he’s the mad one. As for school, you can always transfer to a new one and start all over again. But please, I beg you, don’t kill yourself”. She takes a deep breath. “If you die, I die. We’re one and the same, remember?” Downstairs I hear Dad give a shout of laughter and Mum’s probably tending to Mimi- as always. Everyone seems so happy without me. I look at the knife. It looks…oddly inviting. In an instant, I make my decision. “Lexi!” Lissy warns. “Don’t do this. You’re never going to escape pain. You’re going to have to learn to fight it!” “Bye bye world,” I mutter. I feel exhilarated. Excited. Joyous. I raise the knife above my head. And bring it down to my stomach with overwhelming force. The cold feel of the knife pierces my skin. I gasp. A shrill sound escapes through my lips; I’m screaming. Oh, but it hurts! I’ve never felt such excruciating pain in my life. The pain seeps into my very soul and threatens to rip my heart into pieces. Why am I not dying? It was meant to be quick. Here one second, gone the next. Death isn’t meant to hurt…it’s supposed to be bliss. A means to an end. Satisfying. Peaceful. I look up at Lissy. Her face is frozen in shock. I blink in tears. What is happening to her? Slowly and surely, she’s disintegrating; crumbling before my very eyes! No, it can’t be! Two hot tears escape from my eyes. I’m crying. Why am I crying? “Lexi?” Mum calls, running up the stairs. She must have heard my desperate screams. My door suddenly bursts open. “Alexia!” Mum screams. “Roger!” Mum calls to Dad, “Call an ambulance! Oh, Lexi, what have you done?” she runs to where I lie on the floor and gently holds me in her arms, the tears pouring down her face and dripping unto mine. Dad comes into the room, staring in shock and hurt. He’s carrying Mimi- my baby sister. She, too, is crying but I know she’s oblivious to what’s going on. Lucky her. I look away from mum, I can’t bear it anymore. Suddenly, I make out something hidden underneath my pile of clothes. It’s a picture frame- cracked and forgotten. I see myself, mum, dad and Mimi in the photo. We’re all smiling, well, all of us except Mimi- she’s crying again. I look…happy. Oh…what have I done? Heartache. Sorrow. Gut-wrenching pain. These feelings have haunted me all my life. Must I feel them at death too? I can’t breathe. Mum’s getting blurry. So is dad. Mimi’s wails are fading. “I love you, mum.” I try to say but all that comes out of my mouth is blood. “Dad, I’m really sorry.” I wanted to say more but I knew my time was quickly running out. “When Mimi grows up, tell her…tell her that I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for her. To guide her through life. Tell her…not to make the same mistakes I did. To enjoy life.” “Alexia!” Mum screams in despair. “Don’t you dare die on me right now. Please!” “Please, I don’t want to go,” I say to no one in particular but I know someone is listening. I sigh. The pain is finally fading. “Bye bye world.” It’s funny how mere minutes ago I muttered those words with elation. Now I say them with utter regret. I laugh forcefully. Lissy was right after all. I’d still feel pain, even at death. I look for her but she’s nowhere to be found. I feel weak. I’m…cold. My eyes flutter shut. I take one last painful breath. I feel light-headed and strange. Darkness. I pass out. Yet my heart still beats. © 2010 RIOAuthor's Note
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Added on October 13, 2010Last Updated on October 13, 2010 Tags: Death at a glance lexi pain agon Author
RIOAbuja, FCT, NigeriaAboutI like to read and write. Now try saying that to someone when they ask what you do for 'fun' :p more..Writing
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