unravvel

I am unraveling 

I cant do it any more

the world around me has become nothing but white noise

I am cracking under the pressure and Im trying to pick up the pieces but I am failing

Help..

Help..

Help...

Please... I need some help...

I don't want to do this anymore 

I don't want to be here anymore

I have no more fight left it me

I am bleeding out

Trying to pick up all the fallen pieces

But it't not worth it anymore

It hurts to smile 

It. hurts to laugh

I hurts to keep pretending

I am in so much pain

My body aches 

 am nothing more than a broken machine

And yet my mind is screaming

Becoming more unhinged...every second...every minute

Pathetic is what I am

Hopeless it what I am

Unnecessary is what I am

What a waste of time I am

Nothing

Why do I have to keep holding back my tears

Even alone I can not shed a single tear

is it from shame

At this point it is nothing but condition

Why do I have to keep pretending

Shove my feeling in a box far far away

I don't deserve to feel this way 

Man up 

No one wants to deal with someone who is such a mess

Be independent

Don't trouble anyone

Just work through it

I am still breathing so just work through it

Till nothing but dust remains

Beat it like a dead horse

My wellbeing doesn't matter

Fake it till I make it

Right?

Or just die trying

Right.

Reviews

[The Ink Chapters]

I can relate to this on such a deep personal level. I suffered from severe depression for many years and I'm currently experiencing similar emotions. I hope that you can find strength and most importantly SUPPORT from others, because it is critical in times like this. Reach out, and as painful as it is you don't have to be alone in this battle. Yes, some people will think it is too much to handle. But the right people will be there for you and help you to find peace. Sending warm thoughts your way

[Just Kim]

love that last stanza, been there before, This is a emotional read.
hope you have a wonderful day

[Kari Rakitan]

It's important to get help when you need it. Sometimes, our bodies stop producing certain hormones that we need to function, and medical intervention can help. It's not your fault, and you are still important to other people even if your brain can't recognize it right now.

Personally, I have gestational diabetes right now because my placenta is interfering with my production of insulin. I have to walk after every meal to control my blood sugar, and I have to take an injection of insulin every night before bed. I feel exhausted most of the time, but I know that this should in theory be a temporary thing because my mom also had it when she was pregnant with me, and she got back to normal after I was born. However, even if my diabetes persists after pregnancy, I know that I have other options. There's a drug I can take called metformin that will increase my sensitivity to insulin. However, since it has only been around for ten years and it crosses the placenta, that means my fetus would also be taking it if I was taking it, and the long-term effects of fetal exposure to metformin hasn't been adequately studied in my opinion. If I still have diabetes after I give birth, I will probably try metformin for myself and that should help a lot.

I just had a nonstress test today, where they placed some monitors on my belly to check my fetus's movements and heartbeat, and everything looks good so far.

Anyway, my point to writing all this is to say that our bodies are very complex. There's no shame in getting help when you need it, so please do so before it's too late. You could have a problem with dopamine, serotonin, or other neurotransmitters. It's also possible that you have problems with insulin like me, and simply not having enough energy is making you feel exhausted all the time, which in turn affects your mental state.

Another possibility is low thyroid hormone. My dad has trouble with that and needs to take thyroid replacement hormones. He thinks that he might have handled too much radioactive stuff during university, and that could have damaged his thyroid gland. Who knows what happened, though!

I'm sure there are lots of other possibilities I missed mentioning here. You won't know for sure until you see a doctor and get some tests run!