Goodbye, I Didn't Know.

The surreal and sererne expanse the mind endures after a break up.

The warm and fuzzy feeling of snuggling up to you
 is meaningless and empty -
it never made it through
I thought my sweet affections and dolled up sexy self
 would be enough to keep you mine
I was wrong about that,  so what else?
A vivid memory of pefume you wear settles in my senses
like the ecstasy of  silk my fingers  touched, a lock of your soft hair
it is vapor somehow
just empty fragmented thought now
I guess I never knew a way to go on without you
it never was a story that I had ever bought
seemed so unrealistic, that's what I thought.
Seemed so ludicrous to me to think that I could lose you
Hell, I'd found my Baby, and was happy to cling on to
feeling like I knew it, like I was really sure
feeling like we both knew it and that made me secure...
secure in what now?
A trip to where we hung out,  or where we used to go
brings an empty stare with no more feeling there
it's something like a vision of a shadow hazy ghost.
Did it really once exist? Are my experiences toast?
I didn't know true love could come and be able to let go...
go away like sunshine and no more sky will glow
Just vapor
It's like a dewey mist
an apparition floating
yeah, I guess you get the jist
I thought that all the trial was for to mold us each toward love
I didn't know love ended or that it might have had enough
The ways I always loved on you with passion and desire
so many times i felt like a satisfied true buyer
Wanting nothing more or less, perfectly content
How many years has it been, have I spent?
I purchased and I paid, I gave and gave and gave
nothing was too good for me to give to you
All that talking, talking
hours endless, shocking
forgiving you injustice after war
I gave to you hardcore
Many plans and dreams were made and all seemed right as rain
I didn't know love turned to hate or that it left a stain
In finding my way back to you every time we parted
truly my whole world was set the day when we got started
I found my home, my place of peace, I found my lover there
I didn't know love tried to kill or sometimes didn't care
My life was chaos dripping fears
hoping, trying, wasting years
Many days I'd cry becuase I just wanted you to love me
I waited by the phone and prayed you'd come back home and find me
Every time we reunited I felt it was relief
I didn't know there'd come a day when it would mean more grief
Why have you been able, to be the one who crossed my path?
why did you jump right in here with me?
How is it when you arrived  I was Home, my Dear?
I didn't know what it was like to be a homeless person
Now I know it well and in more ways than one,
amongst countless other lessons.
Watching you work, appreciating your efforts and feeling like I was alive
spending my evenings in your embrace
often times taking a drive
Where did it go and why didn't I know that love will turn you out?
I didn't know that love could endure
or how often it truly has doubts
Many a time I wanted to kill you but never did i want to leave
Many a time i thought you would save me but you only made me grieve.
Once in a while there was a bright light
epiphone shone in the dark
Even those moments of vision and truth were vapors, vanity, lark.
Don't even wish to hear one more reason
I finally don't care to dance
I never knew that love could walk out
and that I never had a chance.
I thought love would have to win, you know, in the end
I really had sure banked on it
I dind't know love was a stupid w***e

who puts up with your s**t!
Sometimes I feel like I think I miss you and sometimes I know that I don't
but either way, Baby, I never knew "maybe" would turn out that love really wont.
Your paradox complexities and furious inquisitions
all amount to an open mic vapour
so tell it to the wind as you share your sad heart
and tell it to shove it
who cares.
I'm almost sure I lost something real
but not quite certain of it,
the moment I feel a spark either way
I'll know that I've lived and survived it.
For now, there's just vapor
filling my view in the rear view mirror.
So long, to the one who taught me everything
I never wanted to know.

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

I (sort of) remember reading this about 10-ish years ago. How are you these days?

It has been some time

[emmajoygreen]

In the early hours of any day is a story almost too tragic, violent and scarring.. and yours is no exception.
What to say when another person cannot feel the pain you have obviously felt.. But, sometimes seeing that pain in print, before you, helps, shows perspective, a release. Other times, it voids hope. Please, please let it be the former for you, JewelsGold

[Brad Dehler]

I feel the pain in this one. I can tell you are searching for meaning and honesty. Thank you for sharing

[Chris]

Writing this had to be a reliving of each moment along its way. I think "Ouch!" is too weak a a descriptor.

[JewelsGold]

This one was OUCH!