Bullet Riddled

Triumph over trial, a driving force of overcoming all ....

Wow! And again I'll say it loud

it doesn't get more desperate

than a wild riot crowd

 

all within arms reach

within allotted times

space of course

symbolical

like pictures in these rhymes

 

real enough it seems

a crowd of multi thoughts

roaring deep inside my mind

were there to call the shots

 

Now vict'ry can't evade me

I'll own them all you'll see!

Every last possessive thought

won't get one past on me!

 

For I am the eternal

I'm every part of me

and own it all I will, indeed

because it's mine, you see

 

Like a crowd of baited breath

suspended in my mind

waiting hand and foot on what

will soon be here to find...

 

answers! to uphold me!

(a new creation made)

my whole life encompassed

here publicly displayed

 

Like a wall of fame for me,

"the pansy renegade"

I'm Jane the rebel yell

but my thoughts are killing me!

 

Yet, regardless of the hell

I put myself still through it!

Learning how to press in-

bringing me right to it...

 

Oh, my audience of silence

not easy to impress-

required I seek answers

not settling for less

 

Until I found in patent

Until  I saw in proof

enduring more than torture

to endure this living spoof

 

As my audience went wild

in crowd mentality

roaring ever louder

demanding to be free

 

So I produced the keys

and handed over reigns

I bargained and I bellowed

my own insistent gains

 

until at last a verdict

settled out of court

taught myself forgiveness

nothing falling short

 

benevolent or righteous

not hardly I would say

happiness the motive

inspite of that dark day

 

From my need to live with JOY

forgiveness was not willing

to sacrafice what's perfect

for a lesser form of living

 

while "Vindicating justice"

would just make me corrupt-

I found therein the secret

that could not give me up

 

until I fully got it

until I really learned

until I knew without a doubt

the reasons I got burned

 

until I had my answers

to all that had transpired

and til I got that wretched truth...

my audience conspired!

 

to put me through more flames

and voting in my ruin

they would have preferred Death

if Peace was not a shoe-in

 

They'd use my last of breath

They'd screw up all my luck

since pain was not important

they didn't give a f**k

 

They sacraficed the moment

to see what I might gain

wanting revolution

not band-aids for the pain

 

This need for LIFE abundant

without the wretched curse

"Owning joy and harmony"

was all I heard them verse!

 

I knew it was not worth it

to dwell another day

frought with mixed emotions

lost in my own way

 

because making bad decisions

based on my own "right"

landed second place

to the path that is the light

 

so all I did was worthless

miserable and small

my cage was every moment

I didn't heed the call

 

“just be done with it-

go find a better way”....

my audience was screaming,

and now, they'd have their say!

 

they told me I was finished-

there'd be nothing more of me,

a new force was in power

its truth controlling me!

 

They led me down the pathway

of a desert in despair

never once relenting

to mock me while I'm there

 

until I there succeeded

until my quest was won

they drove my every fiber

to seek the loaded guns

 

to press past broken heartache

and really truly beat it

I found what I knew not

existed while we eat it:

 

Our words!

The liberty there in!

if it was real or not-

was going to get proven!

 

For if I had been seeking

something less than peace

i'd be searching foolishly

for a fictional dark beast

 

for Eden's sweet allure

a road to heaven's gate

I'd be forced to undergo

this journey and this wait

 

The roaring crowd within me

would throw me to the wolves

lest I could find true peace of mind

I'd be making my own rules

 

I had to know my purpose

and why my passion bid it

for why have suffering in life

when Love knows how to rid it?

 

why allow the sorrow?

(The suffering pure hate!)

why crucify my present self

for future's would-be fate?

 

No way I would endure it

for I could not live therein

now understanding nothing

from where I just had been

 

I had to know the reasons

and figure out the whys

I couldn't bear the treachery

of true love in disguise

 

I couldn't handle chaos

a world so aptly fit

for rage and all my anger

to grow and run a bit

 

I couldn't let life cheat me

and be the victim there

I couldn't bear the thoughts inside

that knew it wasn't fair

 

I had no way around it

I had no f*****g clue

the next four years would break me

and bring me back anew.

 

Forgiveness isn't goodness

it isn't favor's payed

it isn't even findng truth

or somehow being swayed

 

it's something very different

far simpler than that

forgiveness is survival

like a greedy f****n rat

 

forgiveness is so selfish

to be quite honest here

I forgive for me alone

so joy will find my mirror!

 

for if my sole surviving

purpose in life be

to grab and hold my happiness-

well that's enough for me

 

I further found my answers

the deeper, darker kind

full blown intercession

had blown my freakin mind

 

besides just finding treasure

or forgetting agony

more than a happy life at stake

I found how to be free

 

For answered in my hope

for a purpose and beyond

to why on Earth we're living

and what's really going on?

 

bound and gagged and kept

(chained in mortal style)

Secrets to the universe

existed all the while...

 

so i was forced to realize

from every fiber in me

that what it is I'm doing

affects eternity

 

Now armed with super knowledge

soldiering the stand

I've come well equipped

to fully understand

 

a 6th dimension portal

a seven spirits lane

forgive, forget and then some

by controlling my own brain!

 

speaking words of wisdom

out loud and to my life

manifest my destiny

I lay down every strife

 

no matter the new challenge

regardless of the feat

I will have what 'ere I want

never accept defeat

 

No longer bound in torment

gone are useless chains

powerless around me

to cause me any pain

 

perceiving with wide open

crystal clear bright views

the path that I should follow

and to whom to pay my dues

 

now no one can decieve me

the enemy's sent steppin

understanding this alone

is my new life secret weapon.

Reviews

[JewelsGold]

This was a seven month long journey into the wild of the California desert last year in 2011, and a time of soul searching where I found myself, my answers and my purpose.