Chapter 4: First Kiss

 

For what felt like hours but in reality were only seconds the two boys simply stared at the base of the stairs where the strange creature had been standing only moments before. A deathly stillness washed over the house and although both of them wished for the silence to end neither could think of a word to say.

 

Jasper’s heart beat hard in his chest, anxiety burning away within him at the thought of what the approaching midnight hour was to bring. He quietly stepped around Jace and into the centre of the living room, turning back to face to door.

 

He caught a glimpse of Jace’s expression as he passed, or perhaps more the lack of one. But his eyes glinted with excitement and Jasper could clearly see even in the darkened room the flexing of his muscles as he shifted his weight from foot to foot, fists clenching and unclenching nervously at his sides.

 

“What do you think she’ll be like” Jasper asked suddenly, making Jace turn startled by the break in silence. “I hope she’s cute” he added with a playful grin.

 

“Kind and generous” Jace said slowly, staring at the door. With those words and his velvety voice he sounded as deep as a poet. Then he smiled at Jasper. “And tall”

 

“Out going?”

 

“Wild, but smart”

 

“Blonde?”

 

“Brunet!” Jace insisted. Jasper shook his head and they both started laughing quietly.

 

Jasper stared at the clock over the mantle, it was wrong as well but if it had been two minutes to midnight before they now had to wait only thirty more gruelling seconds. Although the nerves were still there being able to joke about it made waiting easier and reduced the worry Jasper felt.

 

“Nervous?” Jasper asked as they both went back to staring expectantly at the door.

 

“Excited” Jace smiled back. They listened as the clock slowly ticked by.

 

***

 

The midnight hour came fast and hard. Jasper drew in a sudden breath as the sensations wracked his body nearly making him fall to the ground. He clutched tightly to his chest fighting back the tears that threatened to control him. Never had he felt anything like this before! His throat seized up and it was hard to breath! A great feeling of loss washed over him. His heart hurt with a sudden loneliness and filled with ancient regrets. He felt so empty inside.

 

It was although a part of him were missing. A part that had always been gone and he longed for it back with every fibre of his being. A hunger arose deep within him and it was almost impossible not to cry out for it to stop.

 

Through hazy eyes he looked to the stalwart figure of Jace. Cast in the glowing light of the moon he seemed to exist for Jasper and him alone.

 

“Don’t…you feel that?” he gasped, voice straining to keep from breaking. Jace hesitantly turned towards him, looking down and Jasper could see all the pain and remorse reflected back at him from Jace’s shining eyes. There was no need for him to answer, as he simply stepped closer to Jasper.

 

Tidal waves of emotions flowed from Jace to him causing him to choke back suffocating tears once again. He stared into Jace’s pain filled gaze.

 

“It hurts” he said quietly dropping his head towards the ground. Jace put his arm protectively around Jasper. The all-consuming heat that spread off his body could not have felt more pleasant and Jasper leaned in towards him, placing his hand on Jace’s strong but soft chest, trapping his hand between them.

 

“I know it does” Jace sighed deeply, tilting Jasper’s head onto his shoulder. “I know it does”

 

Jace ran his fingers down Jasper’s arm towards his hands. Coerced by instinct Jasper held tightly to Jace and wove their fingers tightly together.

 

A sense of warmth and protection that spread throughout him as if the light radiating from Jace was become a part of Jasper as well.

 

With tear filled eyes he looked up to the gentle blue gaze of Jace. Their faces so close he could feel the other boy’s warm breath on his cheek.

 

“You’re glowing” Jace said warmly and the softness of his voice took over Jasper’s senses once again.

 

Jace was staring at him with all the desire that burned within Jasper himself. Both of their eyes fixed on each other’s lips.

 

Jasper suddenly tensed as he realised what was happening. The situation didn’t sit well in his mind. It was wrong yet every fibre of his being was screaming how right it was. That burning primal instinct that had told him to come here fought desperately for control over his body.

 

Could this possibly be right?

 

Jasper couldn’t fight it any longer. “So are you” he whispered in response, dropping his guard. His instincts took over and he let them. He closed his eyes.

 

As their lips met Jasper’s body became paralysed. An overflow of sensations, emotions, memories filling every empty part of him. His body felt hot and cold as Jace deepened the kiss. Their lips parted as Jace tightened his grip on Jasper’s hands.

 

As the emotions flooded over him Jasper felt the breath disappearing from his body. If he could he would have pulled away but it was like caught in an electric current, unable to move, paralysed until the connection was broken. His mind screamed at him to stop but never before had he felt so complete. So at peace. So safe…

 

***

 

They stayed that way until what felt like a year had passed but it was nowhere near long enough. Jasper’s hand slowly slipped for Jace’s. He took a breath, breaking the connection. With the rush no longer supporting him Jasper collapsed to the floor, breathing heavily.

 

The hurricane of emotion that flooded his mind shook him to the core. Tears weld up in his eyes and he could no longer hold them back. As the tears flowed freely down his face he looked up at the glowing figure of Jace staring down at him. A golden shimmer spread across his eyes like ripples on a tranquil blue ocean and he wondered if his eyes were doing the same thing.

 

“What was that?” he gasped through sobbing breath. Looking into Jace’s gentle gaze he could see all those emotions that had threatened to tear him apart still raging inside of him.

 

Jace dropped to one knee pulling Jasper’s shaking body towards him. So badly did he want to let the warmth flowing off Jace envelope him once more, to return to that safe place in his arms but that the same time it was all he could do no to escape from the place and never look back.

 

“I am so sorry” Jace whispered in Jasper’s ear. “If I had known I…” he trailed off unable to find the words.

 

“Such pain…the anger. You? That was you?”

 

“Most of it, yes. But not all” Jace said softly he pain evident in his voice. “I had no idea this would happen. I… I live with that every day and barely notice. I guess I forgot the effect it would have. Please, forgive�"”

 

Jasper wrapped his arms around Jace’s neck, silencing him with another kiss. It was as passionate as it was electrifying, energising. The flood of emotions was less this time.

 

They parted breathing hard, resting their heads together and savouring each other’s touch. Overpowered once more Jasper’s eyes filled again with tears but Jace could hear his weak laughter between his ragged breaths. He felt as enthralled as Jace did.

 

He hugged him even tighter awash by the joy and relief that pounded through him.

 

***

 

“You okay?” Jace asked after the shock had passed. The moon had drifted over head leaving the room in almost complete darkness but Jace could still see Jasper’s eyes glinting with a golden light. His heart was pounding furiously in his ears and, listening closely, he could hear Jasper’s beating in time with his own.

 

“I’m fine” Jasper sighed and slowly rose to his feet, stretching his muscles, stiff from the cold. He shifted to foot to foot uneasily and walked round to the side of the large red sofa. He shrugged. “I feel great in fact”

 

Jace smiled, running his fingers through the soft carpet, not quite sure what to say.

 

Slowly Jasper’s fingers crept up to touch his lips. His expression changing to confusion then horror.

 

“I feel great!” he said horrified.

 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Jace said blissfully, pulling his hair back from his face and letting it fall across his shoulders in long black waves.

 

“How is that a good thing? You kissed me!” Jasper hissed trying to keep his voice quiet.

 

“And you kissed me. So, I guess we’re even then” Jace stretched out across the floor revelling in the warmth that still radiated through him. “I don’t know what you’re so upset about”

 

“I don’t kiss guys I just met!” Jasper blurted out. “I don’t kiss guys! And it shouldn’t have felt like that. I should be disgusted. Why am I not disgusted?”

 

“Perhaps because that was not just a kiss” Jace said his smile spreading at the memory of it. “That was something else entirely. Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked suddenly sitting up.

 

“Sure why?

 

“Because you’re beginning to blush like a girl” he laughed as Jasper hands went to his cheeks.

 

“Maybe you’re okay with kissing men but I’m not okay?” he snapped defensively.

 

“Most people would react by knocking me out not becoming the blushing bride” Jace laughed.

 

Jasper attempted to look away and hide his face but it didn’t really work. “Seriously you’re acting like…” Jace trailed off a look of understanding appearing across his fine features. “Oh”

 

“No!” Jasper said hurriedly.

 

“That was--”

 

“No!”

 

“Makes sense now”

 

“No, No, No!” Jasper shook his head. “Whatever you’re thinking is wrong, okay?” Jace tried and failed to stop smiling.

 

“That was you’re first kiss wasn’t it? I must say it was my pleasure”

 

“Shut up” Jasper said quietly slumping down on the sofa, defeated. Jace bit his lip to keep from smiling. He couldn’t help it, Jasper looked so cute when embarrassed.

 

“I’m not making fun, I swear” Jace sighed and stood. Stretching he sat beside Jasper close enough that their legs were touching. “I really am glad that it was me. But was it really that bad? You did kiss me the second time” he pointed out.

 

“I know” Jasper said dropping his head to his hands. “I just… just don’t know what to think. I’m so confused” he breathed into his hands. Jace smiled and put his arm around him and was surprised when he didn’t try to squirm free.

 

“I’m not gay” Jasper said after a long silence, looking up at Jace. There was a hint of doubt in his voice which Jace found quite pleasing.

 

“Could have fooled me” Jasper glared at him. “Relax, I know you’re not gay. If you were this would be going very differently”

 

“Sounds like you have experience” Jasper said eyeing him suspiciously. “You gay?” he asked bluntly.

 

“I don’t think that it really matters now” Jace said softly, side stepping the question entirely.

 

“And why do you say that?”

 

“Because we’ve already found our soul mates” he said leaning in to plant a kiss on Jasper’s cheek. He moved away before he could.

 

“Listen, I don’t know what just happened but there is no way that you are the other half I have been waiting my whole life to meet and you… what happened to tall, wild, brunet?”

 

“Technically you fill two of the three” Jace said. For only a moment did Jasper considered which of the three he had been referring too then shook his head.

 

“We must be missing something” he stood and attempted to drag Jace to his feet.

 

“Where are you going?” Jace sighed, rolling his eyes.

 

“That… whatever it was said it was going to answer all our questions” Jasper turned sharply and started up the stairs. “I don’t know about you but I got some questions that need answering”