Addiction

Fear and despair pulsated through my body and shook the core of my being as I knocked on the door of my neighbor’s house, which had been engulfed by flames growing day by day for months now.  Mrs. Jane answered with her usual friendly smile and demeanor of blissful ignorance of the imminent danger in which she lived. “Hello Ami! How are you?” She asked.  Disheartened by her all too repetitive nonchalance, I pleaded “Mrs. Jane, I know I have been telling you this every day for a while now, but you really need to get out of your house! It’s too late to put the fire out!  Your house is going to crumble at any moment now!”.  At this she shrugged her shoulders and said, “Yes, I understand dear.  However, there is simply no time to deal with something that big at the moment.  I really need to get back to work now.  Thank you for stopping by!”  Dumbfounded, I grabbed her arm and in an uncontrollable voice said, “NO! You don’t understand, look at your house! It’s completely consumed by the flames!  You and your family will die if you don’t get out now!”.  Suddenly, she glared at me, her eyes ablaze, “Excuse me?  Do you think I am stupid, that I can’t deal with my own problems?  I SAID I would deal with it!   Now please go away, and keep your rude remarks to yourself.”  

                “I’m not trying to be rude to you!  I want you to be safe and happy and live your life! Can’t you see that? I’m honestly trying to help you! You are in serious danger!” I pleaded, an ocean of tears in my voice.

She then rolled her eyes and said in an icy tone, “Look, if you want me to be happy and live my life, then let me.  I am obviously trying to live right now, but you are making it difficult.”  The door slammed in my face.   I trudged back into my own yard with heavy feet, and the ocean which was in my voice a few seconds earlier began to leak out onto my cheeks.  A familiar arm wrapped around me and whispered in my ear, “You tried.  That’s all you can do.”

“She wouldn’t even listen to me” I sobbed as I turned and buried my head in his chest as he embraced me.

“I know, I know.  Its alright, we’ll keep trying.”, he crooned as he kissed my hair and caressed my back and arms.  I looked up at his face and saw that he was staring at the house; I could see the reflection of the fire in his eyes.  The gentle afternoon breeze caressed his silky black hair and flawless bronze skin.  The reflection of the flames engulfed his green irises.   “We’ll keep trying.”, he repeated, although never taking his thoughtful eyes off of the house.

I rested my head on his shoulder and with jittery lungs breathed in his scent. He smelled delicious, as always.  I pressed my lips to his collar bone and pulled him even closer to me.  He traced one hand up to the back of my neck and gently kissed my cheek.  “I love you.”, he whispered. “Let’s go take a walk, we need a break.” He released me yet kept hold of one hand as we began towards the sidewalk.

It was pointless to try to keep my mind off of my neighbor’s house, or any of the other houses on the block for that matter.  The entire neighborhood was aglow with hopelessly burning houses and ignorant people inside of them.  Only a few sporadic empty houses stood without flames, their inhabitants in the same frenzied state as we were in.   I sensed that the scenery unnerved Noah as it did me. 

Finally, we reached our destination, our temporary escape.  It was a large oak tree which sat beside an enchantingly beautiful pond.  The area was a bit secluded, so it was usually quiet.  He sat down and looked at me with open arms.  I nestled into his lap and wrapped my arms around him.  He looked out into the distance, as he always did while attempting to suppress his emotions.  This was usually done in an effort to keep me from worrying, in hope that some measure of peacefulness would seep into my mind.  “You don’t always have to be so strong.” I said softly, and kissed his jaw line.  He smiled and said, “Stop worrying about me.”

After a short pause I began to think aloud.  “There isn’t much else to talk about, is there?  So many of the people we know won’t leave their houses.  Why are they all so stubborn? Can’t they see the danger they’re in?” I pondered.  “No,” he answered, “they don’t believe us.  They are so blinded by the want, the need to stay in their houses.  They are slaves to their own desires.  They do not believe they will die.”, Noah said. 

“They’re not themselves anymore, suppressing their souls beneath their needs.  All of their cares are gone, their minds deteriorating beneath their skulls. It’s tragic, truly tragic…”

“Shh…”, he whispered.  It was then that I realized how close his face was to mine.  His lips touched mine, and I forgot how to think momentarily.  His large arms surrounded me as his fingers traced over my back.  I felt light headed and dizzy, as if the entire world had halted on its axis.  He was so warm and beautiful, breathtaking in the most literal sense of the word.  He stopped kissing me, but stayed close to me.   “I thought we came here to take a break.”, he reminded me gently, his voice smiling.  I smiled at the look on his face and relaxed in his arms. 

We then sat in silence, and all the while my mind was again slipping into the all too familiar pit of chaos that consumed my loved ones.  “I think we should go back now. I can’t stop worrying about them.” I said urgently.  He looked at me with empathy and nodded.  We rose up and began making our way back to the hell hole that was our neighborhood.

With each step we took, the tension inside me rose at a terrifying rate.  My mind reeled with thoughts about my neighbors.  What if it had already happened? What if we were too late? What if the house had come crashing down and the entire family lay strewn about, lifeless beneath piles of flame-infected ruble?  A rainstorm of tears then fell from my eyes.  At my first attempt at running Noah threw his inescapable arms around me and pulled me toward him.  “Please, don’t cry.”, he whispered in an earnestly soft tone, which would have made me melt at any other time.  However, my tears were nearly inexorable.  “I’ve tried so hard already.  She’ll never listen! It’s completely hopeless.  I would not be surprised if we found her dead when we go back.  It’s been such a long…”

He interrupted my quivering, fast speaking lips with his own.  He pulled away and pleaded again, “Please, don’t cry.  There is no word in existence that could describe what that does to me.”  I then tried to control myself, for his sake.  Despite this, the attempt was futile.  I was a bundle of nerves, and underneath his façade of control, he was too. 

We resumed walking, and Noah kept his arm around me.  He frequently stroked my hair and kissed my head, all the while keeping me beneath my breaking point.  We soon reached the house and what I saw crushed my spirit into all the hopelessness of my nightmares.  There where the house once stood lay a mountain of ashen shambles.  I whirled around to face Noah and met his expression of candid despair.  The sight of this had smashed his impermeable façade. He looked down into my eyes with heart wrenching sorrow, which made me sick to my stomach and dizzy.  Very, very dizzy, in fact. 

I tried with all my strength to wring words of comfort out of my lungs; I could never see him like this.  His big, soft heart shredded to pieces.  It took a monster of the worst kind to do that to such an angel.  I loathed the fire from the very core of my existence.  Was that a tear falling from those beautiful emerald eyes? I studied his broken expression and fell apart.  All of the blood drained from my face, and my world began to spin; all of the colors ran together as if paint on ruined canvas.  They mixed until they blended into black, and I was falling…

I awoke minutes later, and I was in Noah’s arms: my personal sanctuary, my stronghold.  I studied his eyes, and to my relief his brokenness was gone.  He smiled down at me and said, “Your begging paid off.”  Just then, I saw that beside Noah was a familiar face.  It was a face that I had known in all my years of childhood, a face that had seen me grow up, a face that represented joy.

Mrs. Jane asked, in a tone that suited her former self (prior to the ever-growing flames) “How are you feeling, dear?”

“Infinitely better now! You listened to me!” I beamed as relief flooded my heart, and saturated my bones.  I felt my cheeks warm, and my eyes danced with joy.  Noah helped me in sitting up, and I embraced Mrs. Jane.  “I’m so glad you are safe!” I cried in triumph.

“I know,”, she said, “thank you.”

All three of us stood up and began to walk, began knocking on the doors of houses with flames creeping up their walls.  As we walked, we walked with confidence and a sense of purpose.  Noah intertwined his warm fingers with mine and kissed my hand, and on we walked: hand in hand, heart in heart, and soul in soul.          

 

Author's Note

Its rough, so feel free to give constructive criticism:) And by the way, the fire represents any kind of addiction:)

Reviews

[robin]

There is only constructive criticism here. I like this story for its balance . I t flows well and it's easy to understand. Burning down the house is somewhat trite, but also not uncommon as a shared experience. The most real dialog is the foolish neighbor. Noah is unrealistic, too much of a Jesus figure. And as such you are a naught Catholic School girl like the Mary of the Apocryphal Ascension Gospels, who Christ enjoyed kissing leisurely. The protagonist reminds me of friends of mine in theater, melodramatic and over the top with "oceans of tears". So you might want to tone down the excesses or craft them more precisely than these sweeping epic emotions.
The quality of the write is excellent for form and grammar. Keep up the good work. Once you settle in to something more personal or honest, more "human", I'm sure your writing will come to astound us. You have the basics in hand and heart and soul.

[John Stussy]

Am I correct in assuming the houses that are aflame are souls that have not completely committed themselves to God? I'm not too fond on the whole religious thing, I have my... qualms, with it. But, as far as a storytelling critique goes, this has a strong story to it. Good job.

[M@]

Well, wow.

The surreal nature of this piece really holds it together. Some houses burn, others don't, and even those that aren't burning are still raging inside from grief and worry. There's much more of a focus on symbolism here than there is objective reality, making this piece seem more dreamlike than anything else, which keeps the reader's attention on the metaphysical rather than the physical. You pull this off great without any sense of loopholes.

Despite the grandour of the symbolism, there's also a lot of talk about the human condition in this piece as well. You touch on:
- Mankind's inability to cope with other people's opinions on matters.
- Mankind's want to be strong in the face of danger/evil/saddness/etc.
- Mankind's constant drive to want to "help" people, which ends up being a form of control despite intentions.
- Mankind's inability to escape from any problem we may face totally and completly (though, as you illustrate, it's possible to escape for a few moments).
- Mankind's problems with addiction and/or obsession, insofar that we fail to step outside of ourselves and look at the real problem.
I'm sure there's more in here, but that's all I could find through this particular reading.

This reads like poetry, in that word choice and styles are very poetic; I can tell as a reader that there was a lot of focus on word choice moreso than character description, plot development, conflict, etc. For example, I don't know who the narrator is, who Noah is, save for his connection to the narrator, how long they've known each other, how old they are, what they look like, etc., but I do know that the love between them is far and few between, and brilliantly described. I myself am a fan of such descriptive pieces, but it's dodgy territory. However, since the piece is itself moreso about description and symbolism than reality and placement, it fits well.

All in all a remarkable piece, pulled off excellently.

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

I really ilke that story. Never once was I not engaged. I am a metaphor queen! and I love your metaphor of a fire representing addictions/ it is such a unique and original idea, i really give you props on that! this is a story i could see someone reading in front of a huge group of peopole of addiciton surviovors. it is wonderful. one of my favorites.

kena

[These Haunted Hallways]

WoW!! I truly loved this piece. Im like so amazed right now lol. This is like one of the best stories ive ever read, actually. I can truly see the fire as an addiction of stubbornness, and people not seeing the simple point of what could/may happen down the road. Sorta brought me back to Titanic's days. What would it be like if i were to go back in time, and go aboard to show the captain the following morning's newspaper? Would he listen, or wouldnt he? lol Sorry for babbling. But this is very awesome stuff! Very romantic as well. Goin in my fav's ;)

B.A.

[Enigma]

WOW!! Simply AWESOME!! I loved every bit of it!! Every single word so full of emotion, romance....*sighs*
From the part Mrs. Jane refused to hear you to the point you started walking with Noah, I couldn't get my eyes off the monitor. The world around me disppeared and it was as if a block buster movie was playing in my mind. As I said, I enjoyed every bit. But as always, good stories end very soon. I wish it was a bit longer so I could've enjoyed it even more...lol
I liked the plot, the characters, the romace, the pain...
Every emotion so well-expressed. I wish I'd have read it earlier. Oh! And It's everything but rough. It's as smooth as...umm....velvet. (I'm not very good at comparing things...lol)
Fantastic!! Terrific!! Mindblowing!! Lovely!! Exceptional!! *phew* I'm tired now...lol

[Dai Hiu-Tung]

Pretty good! Though I felt as though the two lovers were somewhere up to "romantically corny" and unrealistic, though that's probably because I'm not used to the genre of Romance; it just makes me feel weird. Other then that, everything else is certainly great!


Keep it up!

[Dawn]

I love this story...it's expressive and thoughtful!!
Welcome to writers cafe!!

[Faeshifter]

You make your metaphor work clearly for you, i didn't get the addiction bit but could see the likeness to negativity in peoples lives.

[Dysis]

I like this story, but am confused by it. Is it a real fire that is taking these houses or is their an urgency to get out of the neighborhood because it's former glory is being stolen by hot shots in business suits? I enjoyed the details and your dialog immensly. I truly enjoyed the story. Your grammar was good, and I could not see any spelling errors. Great job!!

[AK]

Constructive "feedback"... none of us have any business criticizing anyone's work.
This is very imaginitive, heartfelt, and timely. I appreciate your message and your passion!
Very nice indeed!