Without You

piss away the day

piss away the days,

     

                      why couldn't you stay?

                      

piss away the week

piss away the weeks,

                       

                       I'm getting weaker,

                       

piss away the year

piss away the years,

 

                      without you here

 

this bed is getting colder,

and by the hour I'm getting older

wondering how in Jesus precious

name I got here, underneath

these sheets, fucked up in deceit

 

salty tears, hide my face

I've got my father traits

and hesitation comes in waves

yet, they beg me to swallow

these fears, eating away

at this object of existents

they say is inside of me

 

and so dear, I hear

you've become someone anew

spit shine upon your shoes

ragged jeans, you no longer wear

third floor, fifth apartment

you rest, apart from me

well, I said I saw it coming

but I didn't see nothing

and come to think of it,

your tongue never  quite 

danced my name 

 

unlike you, I haven't changed

change from my pocket to pay

for the pill's I'm scheduled

to take half past twelve

just to calm all their nerves

 

piss away the day

piss away the days,

 

                    why couldn't you stay?

 

piss away the week

piss away the weeks,

 

                    I'm getting weaker,

 

piss away the year

piss away the years,

 

                    without you here

 

 

 

the question still remains

yet, come morning

I will pack my things

write a letter, signed Jane

desolation will no longer

be of me, and I will write

of love, in all it's desires

and become - not just

better, but a beautiful

version of who I used to be

all thanks to you, for breaking me

my secret savior, in disguise

 

                   January 26, 2011