Something Real

Say something real...

Grabbing my shoulders she stares into my eyes

What should I divulge, do I tell her I'm just a mess and this is the best of what you'll get

I can't avoid her glare as she seeks answers for all the broken pieces that are me

She wants truths I've tried to convince myself were dreary lies

If I refuse to let the words out I fear she'll find the answers in my teary eyes

She won't let me run, there's no escape

I panic, the tears begin to pour out... my nightmares begin to take shape

Something real?

I scream and shake her hands loose

I collapse on the floor a pile of quiet screams and sobbing

Every bad memory at the forefront burning, searing, and throbbing

I grasp at the wooden floors as nightmares come back to life

I can't look at her as if all my terror would harm her like a knife... 

or worse...

She'd turn away from all my misery and strife

Something real...

I lift my eyes to finally meet her gaze

"I'm broken, just the pieces of a million memories I'd rather forget"...

It's too many "please no don'ts" and "why do I have to live with undeserving regrets?"

"If I were stronger I'd have ended all this misery long ago"

"Piece by piece they stole my glow"

I throw myself to the floor and sob in pantomime

It runs through my head again and again how love became a crime

Something real is...

She wants to love me and comfort me

She wants to but I can't let her see all of me

Can't help her come to terms with all of me I still can't accept

Can't explain to her I'm only alive in concept

I don't dare tell her loving me is loving the dead

That the only beauty left to me in this world is in my head

Can't tell her I'm still alive only because...

Nothings real