What I lost

How much

How much pain is too much?

If we put it in a measuring cup could we pretend it's sugar

As if the pain would sweeten the moments best refused

How many 

How many lies paint a different hue?

If I mix them enough would they blur reality

As if lies were color and we could capture a rainbow

How often 

How often should I forget me?

If I forget enough of self could you love me now

As if your world would change if I remembered myself

How real

How real is too real?

If I forgot myself could you remember

As if you had lost yourself in me forgetting

How?

How is less important than why

How I felt your pain shared would help you see my commitment 

How I felt your lies accepted would sooth your restless heart

How I felt your idea of self owning me would afford me love

How I felt your reality might some how give me release...

How did I lose myself in finding you?

The real truth I fear most is I lost myself long before you

That despite you

I was only a glimmer of the light I once held...

That without you I wont shine

That without you I cease to be...

But I'm most scared that I lost all of that before you...