"Dear Prudence"

My father and mine's relationship, it's hard to explain...

"Dear Prudence, won’t you come out to play, greet the brand new day, the sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful and so are you"

I often think back on how my father spoke of me

He chose words like Dandelion and Sunflower when others were around

The the door would close, shades pull down.

His slurs would bend and break me, 

his eyes burned with a deep hate for me.

I like to consider the times my father held me

Stroking my hair and singing old Beatles songs softly off keys to me

Then he'd pick a bottle, sit with a favorite shot glass full.

His hands would grasp the hair he had used to caress me into sleep,

his hand scorching the side of her face.

I dream of nights spent awake for hours talking about anything, almost

Words shared between banana cream pie or our family car and the front door

Then time passed and I went away, you grew sick and faded out, and then...

I thought the song was over, no more pain and anguish for us...

But I still hear your favorite Beatles songs.

Author's Note

This is personal for me yes but please give me an honest read and criticism, it is the only way I get any better. Thanks alot.

Reviews

[Ben Walker]

It's a great piece, very haunting. A few bits and bobs need proof reading
-Beatles*
-Hear* ( in the last line)
and a few others.
It's a truly deep poem, I found the two first versus very striking, harrowing and beautiful all at the same time.
I look forward to reading some more of your poetry

[Jessica Gillitzer]

Thank you I am gonna work on fixing any problems tonight when i have more time to work on it. Was the final verse not so good? I am happy you liked this.
Jessie

[MoriartyMesa]

This also strikes a musical cord but something a lot older than me, what I liked about this is it was a reminder of past, what makes the present and what brings the future.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

that's very true I find the past haunts recently.
you can't out run it.
:)

[Frieda P]

I feel your heart being poured out on the page here, I live in and around some of your words. This reads like Daddy Dearest....I love the Beatle's reference, Dear Prudence won't you come out to play, if people only knew....good one!

[Jessica Gillitzer]

awww thanks Frieda, i am glad you enjoyed it, but I am sad that you have any part of this in your life or history. =( I hoe your life to is better then when this poem is about.
< 3 Jessie

[Frieda P]

It's in the past now, but it's something that molds who you become unfortunately, we are strong butterfly warriors don't ever forget that. ;-)

[Jessica Gillitzer]

i won't love < 3
Thanks very much.
< 3

[John Mallett]

Purely a phonological comment, where you said "I still hear Beatles songs" To make the rhythm of the poem flow better maybe consider adding in a "The"? It just stops the poem from ending abruptly in my opinion. Fantastic piece however.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

you make a good point, i guess I should look it over, I was thinking I might have to change the whole line a bit. i see the problem you bring up and I think your right. Thanks John =)
< 3 Jessie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

should be "I dream of nights spent awake..." in next to last stanza..just a typo..

but this is much like plath, sexton or levertov in its confessional style..

and is a riveting piece...going back and forth between the good and the bad of this father's love..and what the bottle does to people and to relationships.

and yes, you will always hear the Beatles' songs...and unfortunately there will be the good memories, but they will be tainted by the bad ones also...

i like your voice.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

Holy cow, I looked it over three times before I posted it and didn't see anything. i think I was half asleep when I posted this. -_- zzzZZZ ;)
I will fix that and thanks Jacob, i'm glad you liked it.
< 3 Jessie

[zainul]

Very personal yet an important experience of life.
Thanks for sharing.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

No prob, i hope you liked it.
< 3 Jessie

[zainul]

Sure,I liked it.
Thanks for sharing.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

=)
< 3

[zainul]

:)

[fireblossom]

A poem like this is what it is. Others shouldn't touch it. It is sacred. It is important. To contrast - Tattoo's are what we put on ourselves. A tattoo is about how we see ourselves. A poem like this is like the birthmark we were born with. We live in spite of it.

(It is a very good poem)

Keep exploring Jessica. I am very proud of you.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

(hug) I am touched by this. you see that for me this has actually been my hardest thing to share < 3 I write about the whimsical things, sensual thing, and all the other surface things. it's hard for me to go places like that.
I give you my heart on this page and I am glad you saw it, so sweet.
< 3 Jessie < 3

[fireblossom]

I can only imagine what your dad went though in his life. Remember one thing, the real him was the good kind man who loved you when he was sober. The guy he was when he was drunk was the wounded sad little boy that someone hurt. Not an excuse but it is an explanation and the basis for loving him in spite of the hurt he caused you...

[Jessica Gillitzer]

I will always love him, but there are parts that in some way will always fear him and any partner I have been with has always been a drinker. It scares me the ones that aren't lovable drunks. I seem to find 1 out of every 3 of my relationships ends with this pieces memories in my head. I am doing better now thought been on my own for a year in a couple months.
Love yea
< 3 Jessie < 3

[SeismicTurtle]

"I thought the song was over, no more pain and anguish for us...
But I still hear Beatles songs."

I liked this bit a lot. It says so much in such few words. From what I've seen in your writing you are talented at capturing the subtle nuances of humanity.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

thanks so much. I really appreciate having someone else enjoy something i wrote. As for nuances of humanity I think i get that and say I try to talk about what's personal to me, my humanity. < 3
Jessie 8-)

[Jupiter]

This is very beautiful, Jessica. Thank you for taking the time to review my writing and I am sorry it has taken me so long to get to yours. It definitely deserved attention before this.

This a very elegant piece that conveys the emotion without being drenched in it. I personally like pieces that make me cry like a baby but often pieces are either emotional or not, there is not a lot in between. It is almost as if you are letting us peek inside without letting us in all the way. I appreciate the peek.

Thanks for sharing. Keep writing.

Jupiter

[Jessica Gillitzer]

Thank you Jupiter, I will be looking forward to more of your stuff as well.
Jessie

[Adri Moolman]

its very good... the best poems and stories come out of experience and its a great way to let out your feelings

[Jessica Gillitzer]

It is, I can't wait till i have as much as alot of the writers I see around here. thanks.
Jessie