My Emotional Hell

It started out as a night of fun,
Turning in our tickets from the games we'd won.
Laughing and flirting with strangers in this world,
Never did it cross my mind, I would lose this girl.
My best friend forever, who I could talk to any time,
Remembering the dream of the stairs we had climbed.
And at the top there stood a big golden gate,
With the beams of bright lights behind it... its to late.
She wanted to go alone, said I had business to finish,
This was all so new to me, so I sat back and listened.
Tell my family I love them, and miss them all so much,
Even though I'm not there, I'll be watching from above.
I will never forget the day I found out she was dead,
All the while death consumed me as I layed in my bed.
I have learned so much, this girl taught me well,
No one will ever know though my emotional h***.
Its not something you just forget about,
It will always be on your mind.
So here is a message to teenagers these days,

Dont drink and drive.
 

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

Carries such a weight and depth. You move so well from the pure joy of life to the gripping pain and loss of death. Well done!

[L.G. Knight]

Awesome write with an excellent message... deffinatly a write move to make it a rhyme rhymes and beats are connected to the part of the brain that remembers... awesomely done!

~Frances~

[maiarusm]

Emotional piece. I felt sad after reading it, if only more people would learn this lesson without having to experience the pain. Excellent wording.

[SweetPeachesAlways]

Whoa. Perfectly executed write. Evoking just the right touch of sadness through your haunting visualizations...and leaving the reader with an urge to buckle up. Good job...

[Pauline Ramsey]

Wow, this poem is definately raw with the emotions that you conveyed about your friend's death. Very well written and I liked how you immediately grab the reader and quickly drag them into your world and how you perceive reality. Excellent work, hope to see more by you!

[thecoolone52]

wow you let your guard down for this one........ excellent work and great message behind the poem!!!

[J.D. Pine]

Thats a good message. Its tough, losing someone close to you amidst such circumstances. I lost my grandmother once. Not in that way but the hurt is still the same. Anyway, it was well written.

[The Viking]

Good universal message from personal experience. That is always our best teacher. I agree, no one can ever know your true feelings during loss, and no one should act like they understand - it's impossible to know what it's like to be another person. I might suggest a different title, though, but otherwise well written poem.