The City

The City

A Poem by revolution9

After the frenzy of the city has died down

The city is at it's loudest

Not in noise

But in substance

It's the way fog hovers over the city

As if it awaiting a forgetten time

Even though the city is quiet it has not

lost it's fire

It refuses to

The streets are paved with good citizens

      with freaks and w****s

      with wanderers and followers

      with people looking for their next feel good f**k

The city feeds these vices

It will never stop

That is it's purpose

It is meant to be a festering place

      for everything that makes us human

It is a festering place for everything

      that makes us

                          real

© 2008 revolution9


Author's Note

revolution9
I hardly ever use punctuation so just put away any qualms you may have about that away -- far away

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Featured Review

This piece is of pure genius! I love it! And you are so right...I am a boy who grew up in the country, but moved to the city(New York City), for about 6 months after basically living on a farm for many years..., and I learned the city is at it's loudest once the people go to sleep....such a beautiful metaphor...and a great idea....
"After the frenzy of the city has died down
The city is at it's loudest
Not in noise
But in substance"

These are my favorite lines...but I love the whole poem. I just think these lines are so very true. I hope you don't mind if I add this poem to my favorites...I really love it.....Great, Great write!!!!!!!!


Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like the contradictions, and a few lines really caught my eye, such as...

"fog hovers over the city
As if it awaiting a forgetten time"

Also I love "festering", great word choice. If I could give just a little advice, I think the poem could be shorter if you eliminated some words/phrases that aren't needed to get the picture across. For example I would rewrite the first four lines into these three...

"After the frenzy has died down
The city is it's loudest
in substance"

I personally don't think you need to mention "not in noise", let the reader figure out that this is your intention. Make us contemplate to get to the substance of what you're saying. But it's whichever way you like it of course.

Have a nice day.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i think its a cool read. anything dealing with some form of an outlook on a city always peaks my interest. theres always a different opinion, or feeling. kudos miss.

Posted 16 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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959 Views
12 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on November 4, 2008

Author

revolution9
revolution9

The Moon, CA



Writing
Bobby K Bobby K

A Story by revolution9



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