-

I flattened the creases of my blue velvet dress

As I watched the colours sparkle on the floor

And cover the wooden box

I had dressed up especially to see,

Its contents: the most precious thing in the universe

And I was saying goodbye one last time

Before it was gone forever.

As I watched the colours dance,

In purple and blue and green,

I heard the gasps of those around me

And there was a presence

That everybody felt but me

But I was too scared to question otherwise

Because I knew all my hopes were in that wooden box.

 

Eight years later

And I watched the colours dance,

I couldn’t sleep that night

As I remembered the crashing of the sea

And I was taken back to that time

When I stretched out my blue velvet dress

Whilst the sinners around me prayed

Realising it was too late to change.

The guilt engulfed me as I watched the colours

And I realised that I was alone

And nobody would hear my prayers

And only the colours could see my tears;

I had to handle my own pain

Because nobody else was there.

 

Two years ago

And the colours I watched were at the bottom of a bottle

In hope they would provide me with answers

To the questions no one listened to

But all I got was an empty glass

And not even the colours to comfort me.

I still visited the place where wooden boxes go

And the condemned and lonely live

In hope that one day something would click

And the colours would mean something again

But my prayers were empty like my glass

Because I had stopped believing

Not just in angels or miracles or him

But in everything.

 

The colours still sparkle

But this time they are captured in your eyes,

Greater than they have ever been before,

And they make me forget the guilt

Carved into my bones

That has haunted me from the first moment

I put on that blue velvet dress.

All I see now is your face when I wake

And I finally realise what a miracle is

Because it is embodied in you;

You are my shining light,

With you I feel home,

And I have no desire to be anywhere else,

I just want to watch the colours with you.

Author's Note

I'm not happy with this, at all, but meh. It will just have to do. I have spent a week trying to get it to bloody work and I give up. The ending is the worst. It also seems more like a prose poem to me than anything else though.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

Oh dear, don't give up on this piece because it has sooo many wonderful touches to it.. it's an inspired piece and you should and must be proud of it.. not mutter it and self into a 'slough of despond.'

Maybe you're fiddled enough with it for the time being.. why not leave it to stew in its own gravy.. ignore it, send it to Coventry. Then.. come back and stroke it gently into shape.. not necessarily perfect.. little written work can be perfect.. cos thought and imagination is infinite!

I love the way your dress, colours move through time, how your thoughts and visual perceptions alter bit by bit.. and, that final stanza is... special. So there!

[Rob Santana]

Interesting piece. Imagery is strong words flow smoothly.

[Antonio Valentino]

this is some terrific writing.. im going to have to read it again, with pleasure..

it was just the kind of thoughts i was hoping but not expecting to read today

thank you for that
Antonio :)

[Sami Khalil]

"But in everything.

The colours still sparkle
But this time they are captured in your eyes,"

A splendid read and write...Thank you for sharing....:)................

[J_Star]

I actually really like this, and wonder what about it you are unhappy with. It's a beautiful exploration of grief and healing, and I love how it's tied together with the theme of colors. (but that could be because I wrote a book about a synesthetic kid who relates to the world through color, ha.) "guilt carved into my bones" is a wonderfully visceral image, and the repeating motifs of the wooden box and the blue dress work well. I hope you start to lIke this, because I do!