Defeat

what I first think when someone else gets what I want

My God,

Did you forsake me?

Why am I like this?

Didn't I deserve this?

Didn't I deserve to be

Recognized for

More than just my music,

More than just my "beauty,"

More than just my tears?

Didn't my writing match up?

She was right;

She is better than me,

And I thought she was showing off.

I thought she lied,

Then again she always does.

Her prediction came true,

She got something I didn't.

I knew I wouldn't get it,

But I never thought she would.

Why does someone

Who stirs up trouble

Get something

That she really doesn't deserve?

Why do I feel as though

I'm the one

Who deserves it more than her?

Why do I feel as though

From now on

It will all come crashing down

On me?

Why am I surrounded

By sorrow and grief

Over something so ludicrous,

That will be forgotten?

Why can't I let this go?

I don't want to accept

Defeat, rejection.

Oh God,

Am I becoming

What I don't wish to be?

Am I becoming

The same conceited fool

That I once abhorred?

Should I resist the temptation

To cry tears of hate,

Tears of sorrow,

Tears of surrender?

Is it too late for me?

Am I done here?

Amd I done with

All I've loved for so long?

Am I done with

My expressions?

Should I give all this up

And let her win her game?

Should I let mself go under

Just when I started to breathe again?

My God,

Am I destined to be nothing

But an epic failure

For all my days?

Am I destined to stay under?

Am I destined to lose it all?