Nicotine

“Ready?” I asked her, as I took in her presence in the seat beside me; She replied with a nod, her face gleaming and her smile glistening between her cheeks.  I put my keys in the ignition, and with a click, a few delayed screeches, and the sound of the engine rumbling, we were off.

            That old Ford filled the silence with a hum, giving my thoughts room to breathe. The front seat sounded like a hive, and my thoughts were the bees flying directionless outside the walls. Her being left me in chaos. What was she thinking? Was I being too quiet? Would she like where we were going? And it didn’t occur to me that maybe she was thinking the same thing, as I sat there awkwardly stagnant.

            The windows were rolled down, letting in the cool October breeze. Her bobbed dark hair floated around her face, her eyes on the road filled with what seemed like wonder, as the leaves burned with autumn on the roadside. A smile still glowed, almost like it was her natural expression, but I knew it wasn’t always there. The few times I had been gifted with a brief look at it before that day was when I made her laugh or when she wanted to acknowledge my thoughts on something without using words. Whenever we had sat in silence before, her lips seemed to lay there sincere. But in that moment, her dimples remained defined, her mouth softly curved.

            In the truest fashion of myself, I sat there in cowardice afraid to say something stupid. After five minutes on the road, she began to light the dash with conversation, initiating the usual small talk we always partook in. She could go from passionately preaching to blissfully giggling. Her energetic body language filled the c**k pit of the truck. I found myself opening up, without fear of being myself, and she made me feel all the better for it, as she looked at me intently for every word I said.

            After some time, she turned on the radio, switching channels for some time until she found a rock station. For the next half hour, we listened to relics of the 90s, singing shamelessly along with old Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana songs. Her voice was beautiful, it broke and went out of key, but the way she sang so passionately stole my heart for the next thirty minutes. I savored every moment of the drive, but I the greatest was when I caught a flicker of the joy radiating of her face when we arrived.

            As soon as we pulled onto that gravel road, the world changed around us. The trees became thicker, the leave became brighter, and the air seemed more alive; we entered another world. I turned down the radio, and the sound of the woods took the place of grunge. The wind sung, the leave rustled in symphony, and the birds echoed through the car; each minute we spent driving towards the end the music became softer, and the song of our surroundings became more pronounced. And then, in a single moment, we were there, and all was quiet. The music was gone, maybe I turned it off or maybe it was her, or maybe the radio knew how to make a graceful exit.

            We faced the center of our world. The trees had broken, circling around the great water in the forest’s heart. It was nothing more than a pond, but it felt like an ocean, as if its radius was not what defined it, but by the soul which dwelled in its waters with an essence seeming so much larger than life. The keys slipped out the ignition, and her hand somehow ended on top of mine, its warmth and softness molding onto my skin, so that it felt like it was a part of me, giving a delay of realization. I couldn’t help to smile, and I’m sure I looked awfully stupid in that moment, but I don’t think she minded.

            I had to tear myself away to even begin the exit truck, the feeling was too sweet, but I knew it wasn’t the end. We both got out, the slam of the car door puncturing the reverence of the quiet, but as soon as it ruptured, the silence returned swallowing the anomaly. She met me at the front of the ford, and I without consciousness I took her hand in my mine, and we went together into the center. With each step, we became more and more a part of the woods, the sound of the leaves crackling beneath our feet, signaling our coming. The cold winds at our backs pushing us closer to the heart.

            We found a place near the water where the ground sloped for easy sitting and where the leaves were scarce so we could feel the comfort of the grass. Tranquility came over us, and we laid together, basking in its presence. Her head was against my chest and her arm around me, as she closed her eyes and drifted off into sleep. I sat there fully awake, but not plagued with anxieties that often trouble my mind, my arms were around her, as I stared up at the sky in blissful peace. It seemed as if the sky circled around the center of the pond, the small amount of clouds curving around it, the light coming down a little brighter in the middle, but I’m sure it was just my mind playing games.

            After some time, she woke, her eyes finding their way onto mine. Her eyes reflected like stars, gleaming in all the glory a celestial body should, the universe glowed in her eyes, and I could feel it pulling me into them. I brushed my hand through her hair, feeling the warmth emanate from her temple, it felt as if I could feel her very life force. She sat up leaning above me, her hair falling in front of her face, yet her smile broke through. My heart raced as she placed her fragile hand against my face, her lips gravitating toward my own. In a moment they were against mine. The world stopped. My thoughts froze. My being was silent. She was a part of me. I was a part of her. Those few seconds lasted a life time. I closed my eyes and savored the soul connected to mine. All I knew was her warmth and the taste of her lips.

            I opened my eyes to a different darkness. The taste of her lips burned, and the warmth of her mouth had turned to smoke. Grass had turned to a concrete ledge, and the sunlight to the moon and her children polluted by streetlights. The ground was covered with leaves, but the trees had become barren and lifeless. A once calming quiet was replaced with a sinking silence. It smelt like smoke and dirt, and the calm breeze froze over to a cut wind. The world was made up of shadows and silhouettes, all contrast was forsaken as fog floated on the streets. In place of her, I found a cigarette melting away in my mouth, the light of her eyes replaced with a burning end. Solus was the only lover I was left with.

Reviews

[Madhusudha]

wow what a write. You build up the drama the romance and then in the end you leave me feeling desolate at the cigarette in place of her... you are a good writer. And you should be writing more stuff!

Make sure to proof read though. I think you missed a few.I do that too so I noticed:)

[Joan Davis]

I didn't see that end coming. You really captured the feeling of being infatuated with someone in the beginning.

[Gerald Cox]

This was a very fascinating trip into the narrator's mind, leaving me wondering whether he was lost in memory or fantasy. I particularly enjoyed the play on words in the last last sentence. Very nice.