Caged Bird Fly

This is actually an old piece I wrote about 9 years ago. Happy to say most days I feel the bird is finally free..

Caged Bird Fly

I’m rioting against everything I’ve ever known
I’m not asking I’m begging for a revolution please
I don’t know how much longer I can wait
It feels I have lived centuries as someone I’m not
Another burden another secret 
Asking myself if half truths are worse than lies
I’ve given up on knowing if I have any answers at all
I just would like some sort of stability for my maniac mind
This machine won’t turn off 
Sometimes I think I am my biggest enemy for few can wreck the damage I can

Paradoxically I understand myself better than anyone yet the least of everyone
You could ask me to explain and as quickly as my answer forms my words are soon lost
I yearn for the ability to slow down all this thinking and to be able to just feel
I suppose if given the chance my protective nature would chime in
Feelings synonymous for an open vulnerability I can barely stomach
Perhaps my mind is too strong or my heart too cowardly
The jury is still out
And though I can conjure countless reasons for my guarded moat surrounded castle 
It doesn’t change history it won’t change me

Some days I think I’m the worst hypocritical fake 
I claim I could careless what anyone says or thinks
But there are times I feel this is an act I put on for myself
And as much as I cherish independence, individuality, and liberty
I’m afraid to be completely free, to be true, to be real
To be me
Afraid to voice the truth that I worry that if I allow myself to be who I am 
Who I want to be that you will leave me 
And as much as I’d like to believe I would be okay on my own
The thought of being deserted is like the thought of a thousand daggers in my heart

So I’m not asking, I’m not wishing, or hoping
Beyond praying, I’m pleading that I can stir some kind of the strength and courage 
To fight, revolt, and destroy these irrational disturbing thoughts
I know better than to let myself be a victim 
And I don’t want to live life as a caged bird 
I just need a little help finding the key